I Just Want To Be Happy With My SelfI cant describe my self without using the words fat, disgust, hideous, etc.. I can write all day long about how much hatred i have towards my body. How every time i look at myself in the mirror i cant help but cry and cry for hours. How i feel that the cause of my depression has been mostly because of my body image.
Growing up i was bullied in school because of my weight, being pushed,kicked and no one talking to me. Just having to wake up to go to a place where everyone rejected and mistreated because of my weight really hurt me. I would've thought being home with family would be safer place to be but it wasn't. "******* fat ***" is what they would call me. They would crack jokes about me and I guess it traumatized me. Why doesn't anyone like me. Will they like me if i was smaller. Whether if they would like me smaller or not, they all made me feel numb.
I just want to be happy with my self and how i look. This may sound a bit foolish but you didn't go through the pain i went growing up that made me feel traumatized. Being scared of what anyone thinks of you whether they would accept me. Just going through all this made me have no hope in myself. I cant bring myself to do anything about it. I would look for comfort in things and one would be food. I want to change that. I've gone through days where i wouldn't eat anything for days and i would love the feeling of it but there's other days where i eat so much i disgust myself. I wish i can just go days with eating little or nothing at all. I need some guidance from someone letting me know i can do it, helping me. I feel as if i don't have anyone to guide me. I hope someone can help me.