I have struggled with an eating disorder for the last 14 years.  Losing weight is a compulsion.  I currently weigh 130 pounds, my goal is 125.  I am close...but afraid that once I hit 125 I wont want to stop.  I know myself better than that.  At 125 I'll want 110.  Then what?  I want, I need to lose weight.  Looking in a mirror is like looking into a funhouse mirror for me.  I hate what I see, I hate feeling so hopeless, alone, abandoned, and ashamed.
Jynx Jynx
31-35, F
21 Responses Jun 6, 2007

Hi there
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Iknow I feel a lot of what you mentioned. My whole life I've been underweight now all I see is how i had some abs (3pack) and nowi feel just that my body is flabby.

I've always had self confidence problems wore baggy clothes now I gained some weight (due to any factors beyond my control) and I'm so conflicted.

Now I'm even more ashamed, being confident and comfortable with myself would be great

I can help you fix those feelings. You just need the right person to talk to you and guide you. Together we break down walls

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I can identify with your feelings except my problem is the reverse of yours. I just admitted to myself that I am a closet junk food eater. I love sweets and have gotten to the point of hiding them in the closet, etc. and eat them when no one is around. I have never done this. I have never been happier in my life/lifestyle, but the extra 20 lbs that I have gained is making me miserable and out of control. I've told my husband, but he thinks I am fine for being 56 yrs old. I've always been a small person but the last four years have been up and down for me. I go from 140lbs to 170lbs and currently almost back at 170lbs. I am 5'5 and small fr<x>ame. I've tried everything in the past, and YES it worked for me. Now, I can't seem to get the the point of beginning (other than writing this) let alone eating right. I know all the diets, do's and don'ts, but can't seem to get a grip right now. Life couldn't be happier for me, other than, this ugly weight that I have put on. I need help and know it. I've always helped everyone else, but I sure can't seem to help myself for the 'first' time in my life. What's wrong with me?? I do I get motivated again? Thanks for reading and I appreciate your comments and good luck to all of you as well. :) aka 'wishin' again!!

turn your wishin into DANG I'M HOT! I can help you do that... Seriously,
I just dropped 64 lbs and dropping. I now have the tools to help others.

I became compulsive with losing weight. At first it started out really healthily... I went from being an obese 190 lbs, to successfully being 130 lbs. When I hit 130lbs, I wanted to be 120. But it was almost impossible. Instead of eating 6 small meals, I ate 8 small meals to speed up my metabolism. Instead of 1 hr on the treadmill & 30mins of dance every other day, I'd double up on weekends. I would drink green tea in hopes of losing water weight. Suddenly, my body which was once beautiful & powerful, became weak and sickly. I dehydrated easily & began to randomly faint. Don't go against your body's natural flow. You are beautiful.

I can help you all to get that natural glow back, your energy up and your weight down. I just dropped 64 lbs and I help people all the time now to lose. It is a passion of mine as I too was once in the dreaded shoes.

I feel the same way, accept I'm not a girl...

Eating disorders aren't just for women. There are a LOT of men with eating disorders; you're not alone. And you can do it. Stay strong and try to keep loving yourself no matter what your weight. Other people already do. <3

I feel the same way, accept I'm not a girl...

We live in a society that pushes food at every turn, yet condemn those who are at a normal weight. You don't have to be skinny to be loved. I thought that for many years. You have to find a loving person to connect with to be loved. You are all right the way you are. Love yourself and love others. Love God and let him show you the way to true happiness.

Well said! There is hope for those of us that want to lose. There is hope for us that are told we need to lose due to health risks. I can help achieve those goals. Am I skinny Minnie no but after losing 64 lbs I do know that mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually I have the energy now to help others do the same.

I understand what you are going through. You know what though? The average woman is 5'4'' and 160lbs. You are beautiful the way you are, and do not need to lose weight. What is important is that you are healthy and that your body can funtion properly and healthily, and if you lose to much weight it may not be able to do that. <br />
It might be a good Idea for you to talk to a councillor or dr about your problem, because as you said, you know you wont be able to stop.

From experience... the Universal Laws can help you see everything from a diferent point of view. You are absolutly beautiful and it seems as if you are choosing not to allow yourself to see the big picture. I've "been there", "done that"... and it wasnt so long ago so I hope my experience somehow inspire you. <br />
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I know the Law of attraction quite well. I have read the books. I had searched the internet for additional information, I had tried and applied so many exercises and even acquired some personal development software that gave me a head start on visualizing my goals, and from those past experiences I am grateful because they helped me to understand the principles…the why and how things work, and that was important for me to make a decision of what I believe in and what steps I was willing to take in order to make a difference in my life. <br />
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i am on a diet and currently weigh 160. Weighing that much is INSANE to me. I used to weigh four years ago. Then I weighed a solid and consistent 130 pounds two years ago but then I stopped training martial arts and volleyball. I was a very active and competitive athlete, ona national level....you can imagine....my perception of my body weight and body image has plummetted... I feel like i look disgusting....I constantly buy new clothes and constantly put them in the crawlspace in my house because I know I cant fit them... hows that for depressing? i used to be REALLY hot,....however, I know that I am still beautiful and that my body is fine and nobody but me cares...Of course my mom and dad tell me im fat and my boyfriend doesnt dare say anything.... but i know i am beautiful regardless and that losing weight is a slow process...but i started this january with 165... and im done 160... im pretty happy. and whether or not i keep gaining or losing (hopefully losing) i know that it is what is INSIDE me that makes me beautiful on theoutside.... so where to work....is the confidence... <br />
if youre confident with your sef and WHO YOU ARE....youll see it in your body image and your hair and your nails and your curves! trust me!<br />
there is nothing sexier than a confident woman..<br />
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my last piece of advice... <br />
i know that people with eating disorders (experience having a close friend with one)... its a lack of control in your own real life..that makes you turn to wanting to control your weight...because its the only real thing you have, nobody cares about too much and you can compromise it with yourself.... im generalizing.. if that doesnt fit you ...im sorry.. but if you feel like you lack control in your real life, protective boyfriend, opinionated, over bearing father, control freak mother (i know what its like!) then start then in trying to gain control, or school or friendships or your room, or interests, anywhere but taking it out on your body..because your body is your temple..and if you dont love it and treat it right and nourish it..it will die on you. <br />
good luck hun!

ever seen the websight for summer energy? This is worth checking into www.summerenergy.net An incredible gal who lost 64 + lbs, was very ill and had to turn her life around. Now she helps others because she cries when someone is suffering and dowsn't need to.

Be careful, remember that what you see in the mirror has been fun housed. How tall are you? I am 5ft 4 and for me 125-120 is my goal. If you are taller 130-125 isn't a bad weight to be do you have a therapist or doctor to help you?

Hi Jynx<br />
I have come across people who relate to your story. What is worrisome is the obsession with weight loss rather than health. <br />
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My philosophy in life is that you should aim for health the natural way and weight loss will come. What I mean is that if you eat healthy food the right way the right amount etc, you will lose weight without having to diet or pop pills. <br />
Now if you add a few hours of exercise per week, then your body becomes fitter and stronger. That takes care of the body.<br />
<br />
You also need to manage your mental and emotional health. That way you regain control of your life in total, and never succumb to cravings and obsessions.<br />
<br />
Check out www.masterofyourdestiny.com for a book that I wrote on taking control of your health. It is called <br />
<br />
Hope you will find it helpful

I think you look beautiful first off. Second is it sickens me to see this so called image that females feel they have to follow. its this image that has been put on every television channel and magazine out there saying this is what your suppose to look like so everyone idolizes them and look thin like them and they lose themselves.. You just like every other person in this world is a beautiful and unique person don't let the institutes that run this country purely for profit run your life and make you feel upset because you don't look like that super model. don't give in be strong. 130 is a great weight dispite what you see you eyes do play tricks on you in the mirror. Know and believe your beautiful and you truely will be.

I think you look beautiful first off. Second is it sickens me to see this so called image that females feel they have to follow. its this image that has been put on every television channel and magazine out there saying this is what your suppose to look like so everyone idolizes them and look thin like them and they lose themselves.. You just like every other person in this world is a beautiful and unique person don't let the institutes that run this country purely for profit run your life and make you feel upset because you don't look like that super model. don't give in be strong. 130 is a great weight dispite what you see you eyes do play tricks on you in the mirror. Know and believe your beautiful and you truely will be.

Damn what i wont give to weight even 150 much less 125. i have not weighed that since jr high school

i totally understand you..I am 110 and i feel great but i want to loose more.. I am 5.6 height. I used to be 125...it is a mind game. Try not to think about weight so much cause you can be addicted.. i always want to loose more an more...

It sounds like you have body dysmorphic disorder. : (

I resently lost weight (25lbs.). My goal was 125. When I reached that, my new goal was 115. When I reached that, I could not maintain it. I went back to 120 naturally within a few weeks. It was fun while it lasted, but I found that my body knew what was best for me and as long as I listen to it I can stay healthy. You are not alone. Weight loss can be fun and healthy.

unfortunately i think most us females aren't happy with our weight and body. i know i'm not completely happy. i've put on about 10 lbs in 6 mths or so, but the good thing is you know you may have a problem that's the most important thing.

don't feel ashamed. there are alot of girls in your shoes. As a matter of fact I would love to weight too and I know once I able to fit my old clothes I'll want to loose more weight to fit in even smaller and cuter clothers.