Lacking Motivation - I Could Be You

sometimes I look at nicole richie (actually, I do this a lot) and think to myself 'I wish I could see my bones, I wish I looked like her' I'd love to look emaciated, fragile... then I'd look the way I feel.

if someone came up to me one day and told me the secrets to anorexia (not having ever experienced it) I would probably see it as the lesser of two evils (although I know this isn't true, really) and do whatever it took to be underweight... or at least a healthy weight.

apparently I'm overweight. not "obese" but "overweight"

I'm a large AUS size 14.
I sometimes buy size 16 so that I look like the clothes are hanging on me a little more... even though I know people will still see me as overweight.

I guess for the Americans reading, I'd be a size 12.

if I could afford to buy more drugs I would do it. I would take everything that it was "safe" to take, without HUGE risks of addiction... e, speed, coke... all the boring ones that make me feel like never eating again.

but honestly. I can't. everything is so expensive here. I just can't afford it.

I tell my family that I'm alright now, and that I'm not using anything anymore, I just don't want to worry them when there's nothing to worry about. I'm not going out of my way to get a quick fix. I'd just love to get f**ked up and f**king skinny.

I hate being as fat as I am, but being as depressed as I am I struggle to pull myself out of the cycle

that cycle being

- feeling fat, getting depressed
- feeling depressed, losing motivation
- no motivation, can't excercise
- not excercise, getting overweight
- feeling fat... etc.

of course, my weight isn't the only factor in my depression. I have a long history of depression. it's just an obvious component. I really struggle with it. I really really do. and not even the medication can make me feel any more motivated to get my **** together.

does anyone else feel this way?
I suppose it doesn't matter either way; what I'd really like to know, is does anyone have a solution...
sadfishes sadfishes
22-25, F
3 Responses Aug 2, 2007

I started the 24 day challenge and im down 15 lbs in 18 days. I feel amazing! If you would like to try the challenge the website it www.advocare.com/140615794

Or if you would like to see healthy recipes and my progress as well as my friends my page on facebook is " Aprils weight loss solutions". :)

i used to feel that way. im size 8-10 UK size. no idea what size that would be in AUS sorry. but you just have to look to your friends for support when your feeling down, they will only be happy to help. i used to starve myself and push my friends away. then i got onto drugs, coke and mdma which helped with the weight but not with the mental low. i had a bit of a wake up cut out drugs for a while and looked to the good things. now im happy with my weight and friends, i recently did drugs again but im staying clear now. good luck for the future. everyone deserves to be happy=D .....plus you live in AUS.. i would kill to live there(fell in love with the place on holiday)

hehe once again i am no help at all and i have no solution. but dont get stuck in the eating problem stage. everytime you put something in your mouth youre screaming in your head at yourself. waking up not knowing who or where you are. and the dizziness and delusions. it aint pretty. i did do it heathily once though. the british heart foundation have a way where you eat 7 portions of fruit a day. go look it up. it actually does make you feel great. you eat 1500 calories a day, and i actually felt good on that diet. gives you a tad more energy.