I Really Think Now I Do Know Why I Overeat.

I have have watche dso many TV programs about dieting I could write a book about it and in all this time I think I have been in denial why I over eat!

I am not supersize me or anything but I have become very big over the last couple of years. i have watch a hundred programs saying the real reason people over eat is because they are compensating for something and there was me thinking what a load of crap, I eat cos I love it! well i think tonight I have had a realisation that I have always over eaten to compensate for something.

when I was young it was because I was lonely I had a few problem with a family member, so i ate I was one of the few ethnics in my school, I always managed to latch myself on to the popular, pretty, girl and was never popular myself, so i ate, as a teenager in hindsight, I think I had some sort of ADHD or concentration problem and didnt do great at school. I also had quite a few gastro intestinal problems I was always distracted by something else! so i ate!

Then I went from being the only ethinc at school to being to ony light skinned one in my group of friends. so i ate.

I then once I left school I went out with boys who I either had to ask out or I went out with and treated me really badly. so i ate

I thought I finally had my life together when I met my husband, he was the love of my life and till now I love him deeply. I thought he would protect me and love me forever, I really believed it. He was a good husband, my friend, the person I could rely on, since my dad died he was the best relationship I had ever had with someone. I dont have a good relationship with my mum, she can be a cow and he doesnt tolerate it, I had a son with a violent man and he sorted him out. i thought things were great, he asked me to get married and I was over the moon and i didnt really eat badly at all i was going to the gym and looking great!

I went on holiday without my husband and when i came back he asked me to marry him, i was over the moon! I was blistfully happy, It was the happiest day of my life! it was a fantastic wedding! i had never been happier.... i didnt see it coming...... i really didnt.........

Once married we were trying to concieve and after no sucess, started down the route of IVF I he went for tests i went for test, I could work out why it wasnt happening. Then on my birthday 14 September 2005, I found out I was pregnant I was exstatic!!! I ate so healthy, at my scan it was twins, well he nearly passed out I was overjoyed! I ate so well durong my pregnancy that 2 weeks after having the babies the following April after all the swelling had gone I was actually a stone lighter than before I was pregnant!!!!!

I got home and even though I was exhausted I could be happier!!! all the attention that I wasnt getting when I was younger but I really need at some point in my life i was getting!! people were queuing up to see my boys I couldnt be happier I really needed all the attention for a change, it is just something I needed.

Then came the tornado.. I just got back from the hospital I was physically wreacked.. My husband started crying.. he had a son by another woman, apparently a one night stand supposedly when i was on holiday, he didnt tell me before we got married because he said he knew I wouldnt marry him.  He woudl have been right! All I can say is, at that point in my life no other single thing could have destroyed me more.... I second my mind was spinning, my marriage was a sham, why me?? what the hell have I ever done to deserve this. I can tell you absolutley rock bottom was higher than i felt! I was null and void.

my brain turn to butter. For the last 3 years my head has either been in overdrive or has pretty much stopped completely! Some days I am like a simpleton the next i am like a maniac not outwardly, inwardly and the only thing that has given me any pleasure is food.

I didnt leave him, hell no that *****r wasnt leaving me to bring up 3 kids on my own! She wasnt gonna get him that easy I can pull of an air of confidence and a **** you attitude to anyone! But i can she in the mirror that really I have forgotten myself and now nearly 3st heavier than before I had those babies I realise what I have really done to myself.

Now my bones ache, My back aches I get chest pains, I get sick easily, I havent hardly done one bit of excersise and I cant work out what exactly my marriage is anymore.

However I am in good spirts, I got good things happening this year. The twins are starting school. I will have more time now to look after myself.... I am Hopeful about myself.

Sensational73 Sensational73
31-35, F
Mar 2, 2009