Killing Ana, Killing Weight

"Please, die Ana..."

I am stricken with an almost anxious twitch to lose weight. I'm terrified of the potential results of slipping back into my eating disorder state, in which Ana makes herself known with counting the number of chews and bites that are required in finishing x amount of food on any one given intake. But this summer killed me. I reached my highest weight- 130lbs (it may sound small to some, but I'm only 5'1"). I wanted to shriek and take a knife to cut away the fat. I never pulled through with this thought but find myself pondering it often. Instead, I'm gulping green tea and Slim Quick pills like candypops. I just don't want it. I don't want to not fit into my old clothes and get frustrated to the point of tears that suddenly there's a heavy bulge consuming the edge of my jeans when I sit.

Rather, I find myself romanticizing over the loss of the heavy thickness protruding over my jeans and through once nicely fitting shirts.

****. What is it going to take to appease myself?

crushingheather crushingheather
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 7, 2010

I know how you feel. I've had Anorexia too. My weight always seems to be going up or down. I have a bit of a problem maintaining my goal weight (which is undetermined right now. Can't decide.) I gained a lot and then last March I decided to do something about it. I know eating disorders aren't all about weight though...

Make water your drink of choice! You will lose weight by reading the right information; as such, being healthy is a lifestyle, not a diet! There are many good tips on how to achieve permanent weight loss; none of them includes gimmicks, diets, or diet pills. To assist with weight control; keep a daily food journal and every time the urge to snack is felt, first drink a large glass of clear water. It does not hurt to treat yourself with something special once in a while, what is necessary is that you moderate your food portions. Being overweight ******, but after reading a book, I lost 85 pounds! Words can not express how good I feel! This is a comment which I recently received about the book Lose Weight Using Four Easy Steps