Addicted To Food

Growing up i never had a weight problem because i was bulimic. It was right after college that i seemed to be gaining weight because i was afraid of getting throat cancer from throwing up all the time, but still i would never be considered fat. When i got pregnant though September of 2002 and after giving birth 2003, i was the biggest i had ever been in my entire life at 175 lbs. I'm 5'4", of athletic build my weight pre-baby was 115 to 125 lbs. Around 2006, i decided to to something about my weight, i did this through diet and exercise, no shortcuts. It took 2 years and by Christmas of 2008, i was at 130 lbs. I didn't feel comfortable being without my fat. I don't know why, i seemed more comfortable being unnoticed. It was disconcerting for me to be slim because relationships that i had with the people around me seemed to get disrupted. That Christmas of 2008 when i showed up for a family reunion, i thought i'd be congratulated for my efforts but instead i was encouraged to eat more because i looked too thin. In retrospect, i was all wrong in my motivation to lose weight, it was all geared on wanting to please my husband and try to impress relatives and friends. Deep inside, i had turmoil and eating was an escape, an addiction. I admit, i am addicted to food. I once read that in ancient rome when they would have their orgies it would start off with a banquet. The romans would unceasingly eat and what allowed them to do so was they would conveniently barf into a vase set up right beside their chaise lounge. I thought if the romans did it why can't I? This would best describe my eating habits pre-pregnancy and pre-motherhood. By the Grace of God, the minute i found out i was pregnant my bulimia stopped. I was afraid of getting throat cancer and i was also afraid it might do harm to my baby. So bulimia gone and smoking gone, yes i smoked too to control my weight, but with the same eating habits i started to gain a considerable amount of weight. All my life i've been running away from being fat. The irony of it all is, i lost the weight naturally, did all the right things but i felt uncomfortable being slim. I felt like a fraud being slim. Summer of 2009, my husband too was going through a lot of difficult medical issues, he almost died. From July 11 to August 13 of 2009, he was confined at the hospital. It was stressful and emotionally gut wrenching but again through God's Grace he recovered and is still recuperating at home. The whole time, i ate and ate to make myself feel better. When he got home to recover, i cooked and cooked and ate and ate. Now it's 2010 and from 130 lbs i'm now 160 lbs. I feel terrible that i gained almost all the weight back but at the same time comfortable. There's this feeling i have that tells me i deserve to be fat. For several days now, i've been feeling aches on my knees and i could hardly keep up with my child. What it comes down to now is that if i don't take care of me nobody might be around to take care of my child. Her father already has health issues, it is unfair of me to deprive her of another parent. So now im going to embark anew on a weight loss journey. What's different this time? I don't know sometimes i feel it's hopeless but i have to do this for me because i don't want to die prematurely from a weight related illness. Tomorrow, is Day 1. I need all of your help, i can't do this alone. Specially since everyone around me seems to want to keep feeding me.

AnitaLoosweight AnitaLoosweight
36-40, F
24 Responses Mar 30, 2010

If you are interested you could try a 90 day challenge it tastes great and you get to enjoy a lot of really awesome treats such as banana split shakes, peanut butter cup shakes and lose weight i am down 75lbs so far and it was far easier than i thought i also have recipes and hints to help you as well as complete online and offline support just let me know if you are interested.

1. you eat FULL healthy food..3 times A DAY!<br />
2. free foood, which contains eggs,fruit,veg, fat free...ALL FREE AS YOU CAN EAT AS MUCH OFF.<br />
4....its just a healthy way of its almost not a diet, yet you lose weight, look into slimming world, ITS AMAZING.

First off, a hundred and sixty pounds is not fat..... I was 168 and I'm 5'10 and "athletic" cause I work out every day. I recently lost 24 pounds in one month's time (stopped eating after a traumatic event.) I use to be anorexic when I was about 14. I'm going anorexic again over depression. It's NOT worth it. 160 is a healthy weight!!!! You don't want to eat too much and be obese, but also don't starve yourself and be underweight. I haven't hit underweight yet, but it will happen if I don't stop. Food is to be enjoyed, not abused. I'm sure your husband loves you just the way you are! Love yourself. Continue eating and work out some- find a balance. ENJOY LIFE!!!!! I wish I could lol! Hope this helps =X Also hope your husband defeats all health problems he's facing! I'll pray for you!!!!

First off, a hundred and sixty pounds is not fat..... I was 168 and I'm 5'10 and "athletic" cause I work out every day. I recently lost 24 pounds in one month's time (stopped eating after a traumatic event.) I use to be anorexic when I was about 14. I'm going anorexic again over depression. It's NOT worth it. 160 is a healthy weight!!!! You don't want to eat too much and be obese, but also don't starve yourself and be underweight. I haven't hit underweight yet, but it will happen if I don't stop. Food is to be enjoyed, not abused. I'm sure your husband loves you just the way you are! Love yourself. Continue eating and work out some- find a balance. ENJOY LIFE!!!!! I wish I could lol! Hope this helps =X Also hope your husband defeats all health problems he's facing! I'll pray for you!!!!

here is a few things you can do. go to the u.weight lost ask for a personalized health&weight assessment in canada it cost $50.00 candain but if you live in the usa i,m shore you have watchers weight lost you can as for the same thing but if you only have like $15or$20 got to one meetting.they will give you lots of imfo. for me personally i asked for a detox diet plan i lost 42 pounds if you actidded to soda pop, drink milk or water or hot chocolate with a bit of hazlenet .on thing you can do is fruit and vegs. but even if your not dieabetic, first pick your favorite foods if burgars is hard to stop eatting look for vegan meat or soy milk. try lactoes malk if you have mingrans don,t eat eggs tomato wheat or chocolate. go to kctv9 it is a t.v program which is payed but donation or you can just by a book or a dvd on diets look for a book called kickstart your healthand the dertty dosens [12 ] like bad foods or at less rest the movie called supper size me. ask your doctor or ask your doctor to let you a dieabetes meetting it cost only $5 for only 3 weeks try a detox diet for only 3 weeks or a vegible helped me but i got off it and now i have diabetes, but look for a book with dr.neal barnard md if you don,t have dieabetes the dr.Neal barnard,s there is a book from him, called the 21day diet here is the phone number of cktv9 1-800-443-1999 but in canada it,s on ch46 the book is $90 us for reversing dieabetes or a dvd for $75 or if you what the book called 21day diet is $100.00 usor get 2books and a dvd is worth 250.00us. my secret is stay away from meat and eat vegs and sweet fruit like pears juice is worse then pop. good luck

Doy las gracias por su información .teşekürler...<br /><br />

I support you; you are not alone!!! Your story is important. Thanks for sharing it.

I always found that if you just control how much you eat, and do something during your days to not think about food helps alot.. When I was younger I went from 210 to 160.. Then I gained the weight back several years later, I moved in with people who it was impossible to get away from all the food.. There was nowhere to walk to, to really do anything active... So I got my weight back, but now Im taller, so It doesnt look as bad, But Im still supposed to be around 160 - 170.. Im doing the same diet I did before.. and I went from 200 to 185 in a week and a half.. You just need discipline.. or go out and have fun and just limit your eating habits.. I eat one meal a day, with a few snacks.. maybe even one snack.. drinking alot of fluids help aswell..

Honey, I learnt the hard way that dieting is not restricting food but eating the correct food. Our body needs to be nourished. I know where u are coming from. Please feel free to friend me and keep in contact. If you can afford it, go see a dietitian and a shrink. msg me any time you feel the need to purge babe. having been there, i know the roller coaster it can be. lots of love and hugs.

Thank you so much Prehab, your encouraging words give me so much positive energy.

What a great post you shared. Thank you for having the courage to share it with all of us.<br />
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And you should be proud of yourself for having the awareness of all of this ----- as awareness is the first, biggest step. Bravo!<br />
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Addiction to food is like any other addiction. And you mentioned you originally lost weight for your husband and relatives and for the reunion. You acknowledged that is the wrong reason and you are ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.<br />
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Losing weight needs to be something you decide to do for yourself and your health on your terms. And while you are trying to be a responsible parent by taking care of yourself for your child's sake, the bottom line, is that weight loss needs to be for you and your health and your well-being.<br />
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No other reason is the right reason. It has to start from within. Addiction isn't only physical - it is psychological and emotional.<br />
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So the only way that the weight loss will be healthy, correct and will be effective is if you change what's going on on the inside.<br />
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1) Accept and love yourself, no matter what. When we eat to 'fill ourselves up' - we are addressing a void. What's your void? What's missing? Did you lose your spirit? Did you lose who you are along the way because you've been too busy pleasing others, or care-giving for others. Tackle this first. Allow yourself to be a little selfish and reclaim what is going on inside your head and heart. Do something nice for yourself. Allow yourself quiet time, time to read, time to write, take a long bath and relax or listen to music, something that makes you feel good other than eating.<br />
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2) Set realistic goals. Don't come down on yourself for failing. You need to stay positive. Any step is progress toward your goal if you are being active and taking the steps you need to take.<br />
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3) Be patient. It takes time. It took time the first time, it will take time this time. But the difference is your perspective and your outlook. And you have realized now the real reasons you want to do it.<br />
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:) <br />
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Stay grounded. Know that it's okay to have good days and bad days - but as long as you stay on track, you will get there.<br />
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Best to you!!!<br />

Dieting is as unnatural a process as bulemia is. In the long run, diets only serve to make one fatter. Decide what YOU want, and stop trying to conform to what you think others want, which is an entirely aesthetic quality about you. Everyone's metabolism is different, but there are those that are more than twice your size who are healthy, happy and guilt-free. As long as you don't subsist exclusively on Twinkies, your body will find its own comfort level if you simply follow the food pyramid. Stop the dieting, bulemia, and stressing so much about meeting the body standards of your close circle. You might be surprised to know that there are legions of men and women who unabashedly adore the larger figure and who are quite happy in their celebration of it.

You might enjoy checking Patrick Holford's nutritional approach to life in general :D<br />
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He particularly adresses addictions and explains, for example, how you need to maintain even blood sugar levels through wholefoods in order to get rid of sugar addiction - how else can you go without refined sugar?

Thank you Siouxie. You are right on all counts, i do have issues of control. Mostly, control over what occurs in my life. If some people use drugs or alcohol, i use food. I will look into the therapy you suggested and i am grateful that you took the time to help me out. Cheers!

In the middle of your post is the key word, control. So many things in life are beyond our control, but we feel responsible for them. You have a lot going on for you in yours. Bulimia and anorexia often begin when something is hard to bear or there is a feeling of lack of control. Then there is something that can be dominated, what comes in and out of the body. <br />
You have come so far and are a real star. It is a very brave thing to do to face up to what is going on for you.<br />
You need to feed your self esteem and you will find the path to the healthy way to feed your body. <br />
Have you ever tried keeping a diary or a journal including what is going on that day and how you felt about it. You have already picked out patterns in your life that affect you.<br />
Cognitive Behavior Therapy has been seen to be quite successful in helping people who have issues with weight, food and all that goes with it.<br />
You sound to me like someone who has the resources to do it, so the very best of luck and all my love<br />

I feel like I have just read my life in your words. The only difference is that I am bulimic but not overweight. I feel really bad about putting on the weight although looking back to when I was really big after the birth of my second child was probably when I was happiest and seemed to have more control of my life. At the moment I seem to be in limbo, wanting to recover but not knowing whether I want to do this for myself or others. I feel that you have completely the right attitude that the change has to be something that you want and not how you think others want to see you. I wish you all the best.

Check out food addicts anonymous. It has helped me tremendously.

Hey anita,<br />
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i have had weight problems all my life and can definitely identify with what you are going through. I also agree with kelly that people tempt you with food when you are skinny because deep down they dont want you to be secure and confident...they are uncomfortable with the new you and it definitely reminds them of how big they look when compared to you. I really recommend that you avoid being around those type of people..<br />
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Growing up, my parents and siblings always ridiculed me and made fun of my weight in front of perfect strangers and i never got used to it. I cried myself to sleep at nights and never spoke to them about it. Now i stay away from them...i love them...but i know that i have to put myself first...i will have to be a little my heaviest at may 2009, i was at 185 lbs ( i am 5ft 5 inches) and eating myself to death. I now weigh at 153 lbs...all thanks to healthy eating and exercise.<br />
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When i was at 185 lbs, I cant count the number of times i have run to the emergency at the middle of the night thinking that i would have a heart attack after eating McDonalds or binging on sweets. Thats when i realized i am gonna have to change. I have to change for myself and by reducing inches from my waistline, i will look better apart from adding years to my life. I made a decision that i am not going to let school, emotions, work, family from looking the best i can...which i deserve to because i am only 25.<br />
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Anyway, eating healthy and exercising should always be a priority over anything for women. Because its unfortunate that society places a lot of importance on how she looks no matter what else she has accomplished. Society makes you feel worthless when you are overweight and thus I encourage you to give the very best of you to yourself!!!!!<br />
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Like kelly mentioned, by living healthy, you will be setting a very good example for your children. I wish my parents had encouraged me to lose weight when i was a lot younger by enrolling me into fun dance classes or swimming or something. sigh!<br />
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Lets wish each other hope and luck...!<br />
shy brown girl....

Lol nice comment Kelly, thank you!

Sweetie,<br />
You lost the weight before, so you can do it again, I know. I have no doubts about that. The comment you made regarding that you feel you deserve to fat, is I believe the crux of the problem. No one deserves to be anything but happy and healthy, ever, unless you are a terrible person who does terrible things to other people. But by what you have written, I really doubt that is the case. Do you do good deeds with out anyone asking you to? DO you support your loved ones? I know you do. So you do deserve to be happy. The deserving to be fat and unhappy should be reserved for those that are mean or cruel at heart. Not you. You may want to look for some self confidence hypnosis scripts, you can find them free on the net, and try those for a while. Huggs and kisses. keep your spirits up and your fork down.... (I just made that Huggs, Kellylee

Anita; You are a beautiful person don't let you self down by feeling this way. If you want to loose the weight you can do it have a positive attitude. I believe u can do it! Go to <br />
this website has weight lost supplements, garments to help you loose weight without pills, diets, surgery or exercise. Check it out if you have questions let me know.

I feel uncomfortable being slim because i feel i deserve to be fat. Obviously, there's a cause behind this which i don't know yet. I feel it but i don't know where it's coming from.

Thanks for commenting Kelly. I appreciate the support and the words of encouragement.

Sweetie,<br />
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You need to figure out what YOU want. I understand the need to be healthy, especially for your children. But also by eating right and exercising, you are being a good role model to them and teaching them good habits. They will do what you do, not necessarily what you say. I just don't understand being uncomfortable about being slim. As far as others saying your look too skinny, just relish in the knowledge that they are envious and want you to be as uncomfortable with your body as they are with theirs. You reminded them that they should do what you did, and that made them subconsciously feel uncomfortable. They are kind of practicing a "If you can't join them, beat them." philosophy... They want you to share in their misery, like you used to before. But I am just speculating. I am losing weight for my health, for more energy, for looks, for me because I want to slim and desirable. I'd like to get second looks like I used to, (well kinda like I used to). But in any case I am doing this for me, which is something I rarely do. I am usually doing for everyone else.