Inanimate Intimacy

It's merely a recipricatory gesture that could propitiate my desire for feeling "loved"...for knowing there is affection on the other side as well. I love my girlfriend...I really do...which is possibly what I am afraid of. We have not been together for all that long and I know for a fact that she has trouble expressing intimate feelings. Which I accept...I accept and "love" her for who she is. But I really hope she begins to learn soon. I hold her hand, stroke her, and she sort of holds my hand back..but never fully shows affection...for me its like hugging a tree, or stroking a rock. I understand that it is my job to spearhead any cuddling or caressing, or kissing *the latter of which has not even been embarked upon yet* as she is a tad shy and new to the whole thing and doesn't exactly know what to do. Hell, I am too I suppose, but I am still willing to fight for her through  the mirky waters that neither of us have previously navigated....even if that "fight" manifests itself in the age old struggle against my assumptions of my own inadequacy...a battle that I am far from winning....I just wonder sometimes if she for some reason felt compelled to be with me bereft of any feelings of "love" on her part, perhaps she just thought it was the right thing to do...perhaps it is a mix of confusion and she content with me as her boyfriend?.....I don't know. I do know however that I have not seen her for a while, because she has been gone...leaving me to reside here with my doubts and concerns...I know too however that I am past the point of no return. For the first time in an age I have let someone get close to  may have been reckless and uncalculated, but it has happened....this tiny little girl who I want so much to love and protect could rip me to shreds if she were inclined to do so....or most likely without even being aware of the destruction in her wake....I want to feel "love"....and now for her I do....but I also just need to feel "loved" in return.....  
forlornhope forlornhope
18-21, M
3 Responses Jan 10, 2008

I wish i was in your position at least then i would have love. So smile and make the best of it.

:) your presence in the gene pool could beI threatened.. Lol. Too perfect I am afraid. Off with his head!

thats really sweet, and giver her some time. i know that i was really shy and unsure about myself when i got into a relationship with my boyfriend, too me a while before i started saying i love you to him. he was obviously getting rather worried and such but i said it in the end. you know you should just give her some time and maybe she is really nervous and scared? i was scared because of a ton of things, maybe talk to her? good luck :)