I Just Don't Understand

I've come to understand many things during my two and a half years' membership of EP.  Every day I log on and read people's stories and am continually amazed at the strength and resilience of the people here. 

I think one of the things which I have failed to come to terms with, is how many people there are who crave love and affection, but it just seems to be beyond reach.  Men who are looking for a woman who enjoys sex and with whom they could cuddle up at night and feel warm and secure.  Women looking for a man who appreciates them, admires them and treats them like a special person.  Both men and women searching for someone who matches their desire for sex.  Look at the ILIASM group and how many members it has ... nearly seventeen thousand isn't it, last time I looked?   So many individuals searching for the same things but destined never to meet. 

I sometimes imagine cyber space to be filled with all that longing and despair, like a cloud filling the airways.  Why can't these people find fulfilment in their everyday lives?  Why is it all going to waste?  Why so many mis-matched couples, destined to spend decades wishing and longing for someone to rescue them?

None of us goes around with a badge or a tattoo declaring our frustration and what we are looking for in life.  How do we advertise the fact that we are in such need?  I certainly don't have a solution.  I sometimes wonder if the internet revolution has made the situation better or worse.  At least prior to the internet we were under the impression that we were the only ones suffering and did so in lonely silence.  Now, we get the chance to tease ourselves with possibilities, usually with folks who live hundreds or thousands of miles away from us.  Or we get the opportunity to hear about those who claim to have wonderful sex lives, or look at videos of people doing what we'd all like to be doing for real.  Maybe we were better off not knowing.  Perhaps it was less frustrating.

Where are all these lonely people in real life?  When they log off the internet, where do they go?  How do all the frustrated, neglected women find themselves a man and vice versa? 

I have no answers to these many questions.  I really don't understand how it works.  They say that love makes the world go around ... but I'm not convinced that it really does.  Perhaps it's the constant search for love that makes the world turn, that keeps it moving. 

But don't take any notice of me.  I'm just sitting here at 3 a.m., on the internet (of course) and writing down my thoughts as they come into my head.  I'll let you know if I think of any answers to my questions.
womaninbliss womaninbliss
51-55, F
14 Responses Jan 1, 2012

You are so right. I think most here just go back to life after they leave ep. I think the majority of people feel all of this is fantasy. That's what I have been told any way. I don't think of it as such. So I treat my friends like friends and my lovers like lovers. ?? If there is better and you can have it, why not? I want better and Im looking for it and I have found it, whether that be friends or lovers. Good post!

Your questions are answers. It's the chase for love, bliss and sexual fulfillment that drives it all.

I think that we are all very caught up in the search for THE ONE that we often fail to appreciate what we have. We set our standards to high and cut ourselves off from possibilities. I have had many boyfriends and girlfriends and lovers. I have loved each one and I find that you have to try to be happy in the moment. If you only look ahead you will miss what you already have.

Well said bluesteyes ... it's important to focus on the moment and to appreciate what is there for us.

You wrote exactly what I was thinking. Chapter and verse.

yes, so many lonely hearts out there ... how the heck do any of us get together??

Where do you live?

Where the people go after EP is the mask which alot of folks hide behind. "Yes I'm fine...how are you" "Great" It is a front in many cases".

Very well written and thoughtful piece Bliss. Personally for me the fact knowing I am not alone in some of the things I desire and do without is an extremely helpful thing to help me get through the days. It's helpful to know that you aren't a freak or alone. That the things you feel or think doesn't make you strange.........they make you human. <br />
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The internet can be a dangerous place if not careful, people out there to take advantage of folks vulnerable, and in a bad place in life at that moment, but it's also a wonderful place to share ideas and to learn from others.<br />
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1ijh, from your statement "Anybody who puts sex high on the relationship agenda is risking losing much". I take it you haven't read a lot of stories from the ILIASM group. These folks aren't just looking for sex. They're looking for the whole package of what a marriage is supposed to be about. The intimacy, not only sexual but in every way, that is supposed to be shared between two persons that claim to be in love. The sex aspect is probably close to the bottom of what those folks actually want. <br />
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Great story Bliss. Thank you for sharing.

thanks jacee. I think your observation about the ILIASM group is spot on.

You're so right. It's not only about sex, it's about the passion that our partners totally lack. We crave it, dream about it, but it eludes us every time. Sex is a by product of passion and energy, and it seems to have left us behind.

Damn you Literate Girl!<br />
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Where do I go? I usually head for the bushes outside your window. =)<br />
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Nice piece, wibster

So it was you lurking in the hedge? I'll bring beer and sandwiches and keep you company. :-)

Very well stated Womaninbliss.<br />
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Eleanor Rigby's of the world. Where do they all come from? <br />
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The Internet aggregates and asintuates all. It brings together desperate (desperate as in spacial separation as much as emotional) people then allows a collective ex<x>pression. Such that every emotion or thought no longer is a solo act but rather becomes a chorus. Sometimes this is good as when it allows protesters to overcome tyrants or when it allows marginalized spouses to reach out in frustration. The Internet as a tool is the most revolutionary change for good the world has witnessed since the advancement of democratic governance.<br />
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But the Internet is often misunderstood for it's an insincere friendship. The Internet becomes your best friend because it will form snugly to whatever perception you have of the world. It's always there to break your solitude. Because of this seemingly infinite ability to conform to our needs, the Internet becomes a surrogate; a placebo companion.<br />
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I read this, on the Internet of course, that sums up the Internet; "You know what a bore is, Someone who deprives you of solitude without providing you with companionship."<br />
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We are just becoming aware of how to use the Internet. We have not changed. We just have new tools for ex<x>pression. It's not that the world is a meaner scarier place; it's just that we know about, instantly. You can quantify on EP X number of ILIASM. You can search for that arcane desire that rocks your boat and find thousands in the same boat. But this is all just information. <br />
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When you said, maybe its the search for love that makes the world go round, you're right. The Internet has provided us instant information: You are not alone. Others do share your pain, your joy. <br />
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So what now? "All the lonely peope, where do they all belong"? They are us and we are them. You have only to look, to ask. Be a friend. Who knows, given what we learn on EP the odds are that next person will be that companion.

Yes, Eleanor Rigby - a brilliant analogy ... thank you for that. I'm well aware too that the 17 thousand members of ILIASM represents just those who've found the site and have bothered to join. There will be thousands of others of course and you're right that it's just information. I particularly like your quote "someone who deprives you of solitude without providing you with companionship" which does of course perfectly describe the internet and unfortunately many of the relationships we can read about here online and particularly in that ILIASM group. Thanks for your thoughts Yamoo which I found very perceptive.

Love what you wrote.....<br />
Thank you for sharing ....... :)

thanks for reading and commenting lexuslourve, you are welcome.

Great read Bliss. :) As always, it's filled with you own special brand of depth and sensitivity.

thanks for commenting sierra.

Exactely my thoughts. Err... the ILIASM group brought me here, helped me tremendously and now I stay for fun reasons.

I think a lot of folk gain comfort and insight from that group Ricki.

Nice miss bliss<br />
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love and peace<br />

thank you for reading bcj. love and peace to you too.

I came here like all those other 17,000 members. :-(<br />
In over 4 years at EP, the one common thread is the need to feel loved and accepted. At the end of the day, isn't that all we really need? Some are looking for it from their families, others from society. <br />
I've witnessed some amazing things over the years here. I've also gotten to a place where I'm so comfortable with my friends, I've lost that anonymous feeling. I'm still trying to figure that part out. Is this why people have multiple profiles?? It's hard for me to imagine not "being me" but sometimes I would LOVE to say what I really think. Unfortunately, I feel that "Lilt" has a persona that people expect.<br />
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Anyway, your post is awesome, as usual Woman. You keep it cerebral and we need that.

thank you for those thoughts Lilt, sincerely.

I think it is that sense of companionship that keeps most of us here. That we're not going crazy, feeling the way we do, knowing we're not alone. Making connections is part way towards satisfying what we need I guess and we just have to hope the rest comes trotting along behind someday, somehow.

thanks for reading and commenting myah. this is the kind of thing I stay up half the night worrying about ... lol.