It’s Worse When You’ve Had It, And (Through No Fault Of Your Own) Lost It

True stories – I swear on the Bible.

I’ve had it twice. The first time was a number of years ago. It was a long-distance relationship, 6-7 hours distance apart. We’d been dating about a year, and I was definitely in love. I was at the entrance to the jewelry store where I was about to buy an engagement ring, when something told me to ‘wait’. Later that day, her Mom (who’s not my biggest fan) calls me and says “I just thought you should know that ____ is cheating on you with a number of 65 year old men”. I naturally didn’t believe it, but my gf confirmed it. I was heartbroken and broke it off, but the story doesn’t end there. I loved her so much that I found a way to forgive her and we started dating again. In Sept., I went to visit her for the weekend. She was a partier and we were out till 2am closing time. When her Mom came to get us (neither of us can drive), she was STONED and when she was getting me out of the van, the ramps weren’t placed properly and I fell off of them sustaining multiple fractures in both legs as well as vertigo from hitting my head on a parking block. I never sued her Mom or pressed charges but I was bedbound for several months, and _____ moved down to say with me. Then suddenly with no warning, in Dec. while in Oakland visiting her Mom, I call her right before Christmas and she informs me that she’s staying there and breaking up with me. She told me that one day she would tell me why and to this day, she hasn’t.

The second time is much more recent. Another LD relationship. We’d been dating for about 4 years and got engaged. I loved her deeply but I always knew there were some fundamental problems with our relationship; particularly around her literal pathological spending of my $$$, and I was uneasy and unsure about marrying her. I told this has to change or I’d have to call off the engagement (I was losing hundreds of dollars every month). It didn’t change so I called it off. She was heartbroken. We had almost no contact, no calls, emails, nothing. 7 months go by and I get a call from her asking if I can please come visit. It was the start of the NFL season and we both loved football – her the Chargers, me the Vikings (made for very interesting dates when we were together :)). Besides, there was something in her tone that sounded as though she’d ‘given up’, not like her at all. She told me she realized that our breakup was her fault and that she knew the romance was over, but could we ‘please’ be friends again? She missed her best friend. I still cared deeply for her so of course I said “Yes”. To make a long story short, she had a debilitating disease and a month later was institutionalized. Two months later, she asked me (not her family) to become her DPOA for Healthcare and make ALL her daily healthcare decisions. After take 3 weeks to consider it, I accepted and over the next 5 years watched her suffer in worse and worse pain and become a ‘shell’ of who she was. I knew she didn’t want to go on living that way, so as her 1st healthcare agent, I made the agonizingly difficult decision to have the Dr. stop her feeding tube (he completely agreed with and supported my decision). I garnered as much of her divided family as I could and 6 days later, we lost her peaceably :(.

If you EVER, EVER are fortunate enough to have this kind of love, don’t take it for granted. It may not always be there.

56-60, M
Sep 7, 2012