That Old Familiar Craving, Part Two

'Cause I love to be loved
I love to be loved
I love to be loved
Oh I love to be loved

This old familiar craving
I've been here before, this way of behaving

~ Love to Be Loved, Peter Gabriel

Him: I have always been in love with My sub

~ Chat with Milky, 29 December 2012

Ultimately, you know, I could get ******.  And I could **** someone.  Lots of someones.  There's no particular trick to it.  It's the getting ****** by/******* someone I love that's a little more of a challenge.  But it can be done. 

I've been fortunate these past two plus years to encounter a number of men with loving hearts, men who yearn for an emotional bond with their lover.  They're not just looking for a trio of warm, wet holes to sheath their *****, marvelous as that is.  They want someone they can laugh with, someone who stimulates their hearts and minds too.

They want that thing that Grace Slick sang about, first when she was with Great Society and then with Jefferson Airplane.  Somebody to love.  Not just ****.  I'm serious.  Men - some men, anyway - are about more than just *******.  And so am I.

But the alignment of two people who love each other can be tougher to achieve.  Often, fellas pine after women who do not care for them.  Or anyone.  There are some cold, heartless ******* out there.  And many women have unreciprocated feelings toward men who are incapable of emotional attachment.

So it was with no small degree of joy that I read the words from my secret internet lover the other day as he declared himself to be a polyamorous creature.  Not in those words, but that was the gist.  I know that he could've been lying, that he could just be declaring this because he knows that some women need to hear the "L word," (and, no, I don't mean lesbian) but I took his statement at face value. 

I'd been explaining to him what I liked about him.  The fact that though he was married to someone who did not share all his tastes or the intensity of his appetite, he stayed with his wife because he loved her.  Between you and me, I was content with the fact that he was loving, and that he might look upon me as a partner in  fun sexual adventure.  I have a husband and family I cannot simply abandon.  It was enough that I felt affection for him, and that he was willing to accept that affection.  I really did not expect to hear him say what he did about his past liaisons.

me:   Know this, J.
You've been very clear with me.
You said you loved your wife dearly.
Those were your words.
And when I heard those...
I wanted to be with you very much.
Because I knew there was no ambiguity.
I would not be tempted to think of you as available to me on a full time basis.

Him: good......I just want us all to be on the same plane
  and I think we are dear

me: It allowed me to define what might happen between us in a very specific way.
You have an opening.
  I'd like to fill it.
  But it's not a tenure track, nor more than an adjunct.
  That's perfect.

Him: agreed
me: I won't pretend I'm not half in love with you already.
  But it's not the marrying kind of love.

Him: I understand M
  very well
  these feelings
  I have always been in love with My sub

me: that makes my heart really happy
I think we make a mistake when we think that someone can only love one person

Him: yes that is very Puritan thinking
~ chat with Milky, 29 December 2012
milkynips milkynips
46-50, F
Jan 16, 2013