My husband has an anger problem. I'm really passive and soft. But little things will turn him into this mean raging man. The rest of the time he's super affectionate. Often inappropriately so in public. If I don't feel super kissy because I'm tired or stressed from school or busy working on something, he can turn mean and angry. So I do work on that. The last few months, he's been acknowledging how mean he can get and has been apologizing. He admitted that I only get depressed when he goes on a rage and yells and screams and says mean belittling things. If I'm sad and just sleep or cry afterward, be gets angrier and says I'm being manipulative or trying to get starving and trying to make him the bad guy. He's been so traumatizingly angry and mean. I just sit there and take it or tell him not say that because it hurts too bad. He can't control himself. Finally, a couple of times I just got out of the car and ran. It just like me to be yelled at like that, looked at with so much rage and told such mean hurtful things. He'll go on and on while I'm just crying for him to stop. Then he's angry at me for being depressed. And says mean things about that. I'm trying everything I can. He's made lots of progress. But... Our 9yr anniversary just came up. We share the care. He said he needed it at 2 and I was going to go to the gym earlier but then I had a stomach ache and he yelled at me for wasting his time. It was really hurtful. And he hasn't been that mean in awhile and it was our anniversary. So it hurt. Then he said he didn't really need to do thing at 2 today. But I talked him into going. It really honestly sounded like he didn't need to leave right at 2. So I took my time. And at around 2, before getting ready to leave, I asked if I could make a phone call. He flipped out. Yelled and said mean stuff. So I said it wasn't a big deal, I didn't need to make the call now. On the ride to the gym he just went on and on yelling and saying mean stuff. I really can't function when he gets like that. The gym is less than 5min from our house. I was holding in tears so he would get more mad. He just got meaner on the drive and I felt like if I logged at a stranger, I'd burst into tears. I asked him if he could take me home. I said I felt too sad and didn't want to be stuck there crying in a stall or something. He freaked out more. And yelled the whole way home. And said mean stuff. And mean stuff as I left the car. I just went inside and broke down. I feel so unloved and I can't handle when he's so angry and mean at me. It kills me. I'm not that tough. I cried and fell asleep on the bed and just slept. He was mad about that when he got home and talked about me not being able to do anything and being manipulative. I promise I only get depressed when he's mean. It really does look me. He's punched homes in walls and doors, breaks things, has grabbed my hair and thrown me down. He restrains himself because he was raised in an abusive family and be doesn't want to be like that. But he looks at me and air squeezes like he just wants to hurt me. It scares me so bad. And it's so so hurtful. Well. He ignored me and said I needed to apologize for being selfish. I promise I am not perfect and I do apologize when I've messed, even if it's later on. I didn't do anything here. I really didn't. I was confused about the car situation and just hurt by his anger and meaness that just came out of nowhere. He just zoned out on video games, then went out with his fit friend to taco bell after his MMA class. I just slept and feel asleep on the couch watching happy movies, in an effort to be happier. He was mad that I didn't sleep in bed with him. Said it was manipulative and was angry that I was sad. It's days later and he gives me the silent treatment and says he won't apologize because he didn't do anything. I just cry on my own, in the shower so that he didn't hear or get mad, and sleep, when not at work. I really want a happy life and its hurting me so bad. He didn't care about our anniversary and tells me not to bring it up or we'll have a fight. I am so so hurt. I wish he would just be nice. And kind and loving. And acknowledge our anniversary. It hurts so bad. He locks himself in the other room to play video games. And he's been acting really callous and cold. It's so so hurtful. I asked him to please HUG me and please be nice. It's days after the event and he's causing me so much pain. He was seething and so angry and told me to get away and to apologize for being selfish. I missed him hugged him begged him to stop yelling and to please be nice and talk to me. I told him it's killing me. He was irrate. I cried in the shower before work. He yelled that he didn't care. It's just killing me. I feel so unloved and so uncared for. I really just wish he was a nice guy. I really just want to be treated with love and respect. I don't understand how he can be so callous and cruel to me. And for our anniversary, I had food delivered to the house for him and surprised him with a movie night with dinner of his friends. I was hurt but thought if I bit the bullet and was nice, maybe it would break his mean spell. Everytime he gets line this, it makes me so depressed. II can't go on like this. I hate the world. I hate life. If I die in a quick and easy way, I think I would. I want to. But I do still have dreams for the future and want to fight for the happy life we have imagined. I want this happy life so bad. He's all I have. I can't do it without him. He's the only living family in my life. I feel so so sad and unloved and uncared for. I don't know what to do. I'm too scared to die but I think about it all the time. M afraid he'd say something mean about it and maybe threaten divorce if I told him. I really need to hear some love. I feel so so despondent. Please, someone send me some love. What do I do? Any advice? He's my soul mate and all I have. I want to have a happy life with him. It's killing me. I can't divorce him. I want to fix him. I just want him to be a nice husband and to treat me descent. The rest of the time he's really nice and fun to be around. He's my best friend. But he goes through these really mean rages and cold callous treatment that follows. It's killing me. It's been 10 yrs and he just treated me horribly on our anniversary and I'm not allowed to talk about it and he's giving me the cold, callous silent treatment and just zoning out on video games. I'm in say much pain here. I am not strong enough for this. ... Just a kind comment would help.
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4 Responses Oct 2, 2015

Please please leave him! Your going to get physically hurt if u don't. Your already being emotionally abused so don't let it get worse. He needs professional help and u can't fix him no matter how much u try or want to. U deserve so much better than that abuse! Please get away for your future happy life with a man who'll treat u right and give you the right kind of love. You'll never have happiness with him! Do it for yourself and if there's kids them too. Please!!

I also am on my own, only my sister for family. my ex husband started like this. It progresses until there is physical damage. For me broken bones, wired jaw, cuts, bruises, threats on my life. it took all my strength to get out and then the court made me pay him support for 5 years. I left, I paid, and I made it. you can too. I'm here if you need to talj

All I can say is wow. While reading this I can feel your pain and how you must be feeling. But at the same time in my head I am saying run. You need to get away. I know it's easy for me to sit here and say that because I'm not the one in the situation. And I also know I can sit and preach and tell you everything I want to say but it wouldn't make a difference. You love him and until you see things for how they are it won't make a difference who tells you what. I don't say that being mean. I promise I'm not being mean. I simply mean I speak from experience so I know. I have been there. I didn't listen to anyone when people told me to run. My situation ended badly. So badly that I won't even share it. But please try to find some sort of help to get yourself out of this situation.

me too!