My Life

Hello.

I'm a 19 year old male from The United Kingdom.

 Life has been privalged in some ways for me and in other ways it hasn't. I hope you will read everything below... all is true even if you may think it is a lie.

 I have a mum who loves me and is dead laid back... I have a Step dad (My older brothers' dad) and he 'tolerates' me but is nice I suppose. My real dad died a few years ago.

I have a Older sister who is a business millionaire (inherited my dads things) and is living her own busy life. I have an older Brother who is a 'famous' actor in a television Soap. I have older Twin brothers... one is another 'famous' actor in a different Soap and my other brother has just finished University and is a Promotor. I also have a older cousin around the same age of me who has lived with us for a few years. We also have  a'Andrex' puppy dog.

 So I'm the youngest in quiet a big family and have always been side lined. With my two brother being famous and my brother being seriously brainy but cool... I don't seem to contribute to anything and don't get noticed often. I have accepted this but sometimes it still hurts... to the point I don't tell them things (like last week when I had an award ceremony for something I made at a Science Fair- which was a big deal for me)... my step dad ain't bothered and my siblings have very busy active lifes.

 My cousin bullied me for a few years as he was going through stuff and now we barely talk... my mum split up with my step dad and then had me and then got back together with my step dad after my real dad dies ~(this caused conflict as they wanted their dad back with mum and I didn't as I saw it as a betrayl to my dead dad).

 My dad died after I distracted him in the car and it crashed... he died and I was in a coma for a few months... I still blame myself for his death.

I have a little brother from my dads side and he never talks to me as he blames me and my mum does even though she has never said.

I had a girlfriend and things went well until my best mate (a male) decided to give me oral sex while I was drunk... it caused me to break friends with him and caused problems with my girlfriend (together nearly 10 years) as she said I was cheating and that I may be gay... I couldn't have sex with her as I felt violated and then I started to be confused about my sexuality. Anyway we split up until she decided to date my cousin... there still together.

Since College (where I was mentally and psychially bullied) any friends I did have, have left.

I tried to kill myself last week by hanging myself... I know you'll all hate me for it... but my Grand parent found m... he became ill from the  shock of it and passed away... I have killed twice in my book and the rest of the family HATE me!!!

 

All I want is friends and a normal chat... even if it is online. Counsellor is helping and much more stuff has happened... I wish I had extended family... anyone else feel lonely.

 

Thanks for reading and I hope you message me or reply.

 

Bye xxx

PeterThomas1990 PeterThomas1990
18-21, M
1 Response Feb 16, 2010

whoa, my personal beliefs are that we do not pass until it is time. Personally and I know I sound whackadoodles, you must be a strong man with a helping nurturing nature. you notice others before yourself and tend to see the positive in others that are often overlooked. you are the man that will hold the door open for an older lady that the rest of the world overlooks. if you are interested in hearing more and why i say these things (and i know i am right) write me.