35 And Still Missing Something
Yes, this feels a little strange for me and maybe just the act of posting my story will make me feel better. I read through many of the stories and didn't find what I was looking for so maybe it doesn't exist. Only time will tell.
I feel like I am living outside of the rest of everybody, a little strange and a little forgettable. Have you ever felt how I feel? Looking at it from the top I shouldn’t feel empty. I am happily married and have two beautiful children and another on the way. I am working hard to finish my degree and am close to the end. Going back to school was my way of taking control of my life.
My whole life I have been the kind of person who was just on the outside of being important. I tried hard to make friends and build bonds but they were always elusive. As time goes on I meet new people, latch on, only to have them slip away, never knowing exactly what I am missing that others need. I am kind, loving, giving, but that doesn’t seem to matter.
Maybe being adopted and having that feeling of being cast away still haunts me. Maybe it is my unrealistic view of friendship. I see so many others with life-long friends that I can’t understand why I am the exception, always the nice guy that everyone likes but soon forgets. Maybe if I help you pass your test or fix your house or make you dinner we can stay in touch. But alas, it is all in vain. Being the most forgettable man in the world is a terrible curse.
My entire life I have longed for strong friends who I can confide in and share with. I am just looking for someone I can hang with, talk geek with, watch sports, or sci-fi, or man movies with, like Shaun and Gus or Bert and Ernie. I am not a huge nerd but I am smart. I love football and science, hunting and computers. I am really just looking for that one or maybe those two friends that just want to hang out and have fun. Some man movies and XBOX or whatever, someone that isn’t going to take advantage of me and doesn’t care if I screw up. I don’t care if you are man or woman, just don’t be a flake. If you want to be tight and form a life-long bond then lets chat. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and I am religious so parties and clubbing isn’t for me.