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How Stupid Of Me.

When I first found EP, I joined so that I could vent and share my stories. I never thought that I would meet some awesome people; I wasn't even expecting to meet anyone because I'm trying hard to find face-to-face friendship, not just something online. I just wanted to share my stories and that's it. But, I did meet some nice people, people who understood me, who I could relate to, who shared and appreciated my quirky humour and weirdness. I don't talk to too many people, but there are a couple that I chat with regularly.

I'm so inexperienced when it comes to making friends. I don't know how you would even come to the conclusion that someone is a "friend". But I have classed the few people I talk to as friends, or very close to it.

That was a mistake.

It was only a one way thing; they were my friends, but I wasn't theirs.

I was just simply someone to talk to while their friends were offline or away. I was just a back-up plan. Like I always am. I'm not good enough for real friendship, I'm only good enough to those who are bored or to those who have no one else online; I'm someone who is on the side lines. No one important. No one's friend, just some insignificant girl.

I find people I have a connection with, and I get my hopes up, thinking that I've found people who can be long-lasting friends. But weeks, maybe even months later, they just end up leaving. Our conversations get shorter, the connection and that positive vibe disappears, and then they just stop talking to me. I don't know what I do wrong. I know I can be intense and complicated, but I'm a work in progress, I'm not perfect and I have a lot of issues, but friends are supposed to be there for you through the good and the bad; so many people can never take me when I'm at my worst. Is that really friendship? No. I'm there for them when they're having a bad day, I always put in effort - more than I should - into every friendship, but it always ends up being one-sided.

I don't expect friendships to be easy, but I just wish I wasn't the only one always putting in 100%.

It's a no wonder I'm so closed off and never let anyone in. Because when I do, I just get let down anyway, sooner or later. I get pushed to the side when someone else, someone better, comes along. They stay for the good, but leave when the bad comes out. I'm only a temporary "friend"; I'm no one's constant conversational partner, just a brief one.

Ha. I guess I shouldn't always expect so much.

No expectations = no disappointments.


tianajade tianajade 18-21, F 25 Responses Aug 7, 2012

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Me too . I just joined EP a few days ago.. You are not stupid well done. I should have joined long time ago.😊

I understand you completely on this one .. I came her to vent and express .. Never expecting to make "friends"

I have though, made some very very good friendships .. Some I expect to last for the rest of my life ..

But, a few have gone.... Just disappeared into the night .. Never to be seen again... And it breaks my heart every time ...

Keep trying .. Dont give up .. Eventually the friend will turn up that gives you as much attention as you give them ...
Mark xx

Finding long lasting friendships are difficult to come by. Too find one is like finding that one pin point of light in an otherwise dark room. They will light your way and guide you through the best and worst of times. We all need friends, they help norish and make us better people. I am surprised that you have not found a lasting friendship on here if your willing to give it another go I'd be happy to try and be that wish your looking for.

I tried to add you but it appears the ball is in your court.

"I don't expect friendships to be easy, but I just wish I wasn't the only one always putting in 100%." -nice one, girl and oh so true ...

:)

can relate here :P

me and you are alot alike and i know a few more people thats alot like you so dont give up i wish we could chat like seriously but i know it wont happen becuase you wont let anyone in i used to be like that but then i got sick of it and started to do something about it. i really hope we can chat

I feel for you
most of my sc friends
have also stopped contacting me (they did it in 6th grade) i know they were also talking **** behind my back (5th-6th grade)
and now some of the new friends talks **** about me in front of me since 7th grade. (Only 1 of them doesn't do that)
….… like it wasn't enough that i was bullied in 6th-9th grade, in 8th grade i got weekly locked into shower room, coz i went to pick my stuff from there which they had thrown there, but bullies couldn't lock the door so they put their full body against the door to keep me locked.
pals friendship ended coz i liked him in 8th grade, btw he was the first one i ever came out so it also made it hard to tell anyone coz first time was a disaster.
and i had to leave first school (at 6th grade) where my first love was.. (Couldn't tell him without coming out also to his friends, and 1 of my friends would had disowned anyone who is gay.)
Also dog bit me into my face when i was 10 (supposed to get life long scars but didn't and this year i told one 7th grader i like him and he isn't gay.... (There are few more things but theyre personal)


And what's worst!!!!!! i've never really had got any shoulder to cry on.(coz no rl friend knew about my gayness, they knew about my other problems though, but none of them really helped me :/


But after all i've managed mostly on my own to get through it.
(got some support from some online friends, on this year though.)

(but i never approached help from personal things at the time i was suffering)

But i have topped myself and told 9 ppl (some rl friends, some from fb, some online friends and some crushes)
(+ep people) that i'm gay. (so afterall seeing light in the end of this dark tunnel)

We just need to turn our losses into strengths and also be happy for what we have, instead of focusing on what we just lost.

And would it be ok if u added me to your circle?

Anyone is free to comment. :)

**** that lets be long time friends. :)

Apart from the recently sent rubber duck, I've never spoken to you, but from the couple of stories I've read so far, my plans tonight have changed from watching Naruto, to reading the rest of them. I understand this story and have felt the same things.

Thank you!

I am so sorry you found that ,but I am afraid thats life alot of the time .My actual friends are few and aquantances are many .I am here for anyone who needs a friend in the good times and the bad and will help if I can .I am happy to listen ,be your sounding board and a shoulder to cry on if you need one .I am broadminded and wont judge ,theres not alot that shocks me .I have yahoo messenger and skype if you want to chat .I dont bite .okay .

It's hard because friendships require an investment. At the beginning it is fun to invest in that relationship. In some friendships the fun continues on almost indefinitely, but in others you hit a point where you know each other pretty well and then, for whatever reason, it's not as fun anymore. Usually, you end up just drifting away from each other.
You wrote, "so many people can never take me when I'm at my worst." Just curious, do you think there is anything you do when you are at your worst that would make them feel bad about themselves or make them feel like you don't like them? Maybe it's something unintentional that your friends are taking the wrong way?
You're right though -- a true friend would stick around to work it out. Don't give up. You will find a true friend here. I'm rooting for you.

No Expectations = No Disappointments

Did you hear that somewhere? I know I've heard it somewhere. I live by the same rule, yet I bend it a bit, because if you don't work toward something, you'll never get it, only thing is, I don't always expect it to go well.

You just need to run into other people, then again, we are all selfish and at one point or another we will not be there for a friend for a selfish reason. Friends also work through those times. I do agree with you though, to be there at your worst. Not everyone feels like they need to be, that's their problem. Don't let people get to you.

No, I didn't hear it somewhere, it's just my new motto I "created" on the spot as I was writing. I'm sure others have said it many times before me.

Thank you for your comment. I'm sure one day I'll find those friend/s who'll have me at my best and worst moments, as much as I'll have them at their worst and at their best.

Your last sentence is an undeniable truth. And I am sorry that those you've encountered have been, for all intents and purposes, fair weather friends at best. Sadly, I am one of those "serious" people on EP I just saw you complaining about, otherwise, I'd be more than happy to trade banter and be social. See, I'm used to the OTHER person walking away, not me... usually because they no longer have need of my skills or talents. So, I understand where you are coming from, however, I do not let this discourage me any less. My door is always open, my shoulder and ear are always ready for use.

I see so many people who are convinced that the shortcomings of humanity define it, and I adamantly argue the exact opposite. As of today, I've been doing this for 46 years. I will not stop now.

It's sad but it seems almost EVERYBODY is "in it" for what they can get (out of a friendship)... BOTTOM line.
And when I say "get" I refer to charisma and that subtle interplay of feeling (energy) that bounces between people when they interact.
I have a theory that there is a very real (but subtle) energy exchange involved in interpersonal relationships.
And that we all project to and draw in from others.
And indulging this theory a little for the sake of making my point..,. its easy to see how needy people have energy defects and so don't have anything to offer anyone...
(or they have little or no charisma)
I really feel its tied into your level of confidence...
I don't have a lot be occasionally I can almost accidentally acquire some for a short period and the results are spectacular...

Exactly how I feel! But worst because it happens with my friends in real life, I feel like their life is so perfect at the point when mine is not that I feel like I bother them if I want to talk about my problems, they don't even ask! But when mr.duchebag acts like a jerk, I'm here for them, & their parents are fighting I'm here for them. 25/8, I'm here. I just wish I had one real friend. Even online only idc

I feel like this a lot. There are maybe three people who ever actively get in touch with me, rather than vice versa. And since all my friendships right now are long-distance ones, that's particularly noticeable. I've just got used to going much longer between socialising than I used to... it feels positively weird that I used to see some people every single day.

I understand how you feel. I am the same way when it comes to friends. I don't need a ton of a friends just a few. Friendship is a two way street. Understanding, communication and loyality is the key. We all have different lives to live. Some walk a stray and others end up on the other side of the world. Know that it is not you. Or anything you have done. Golden rule is do unto other which you would want done to you. If they can't or won't be there for you then they aren't really worth your time. If you willing know or see then yes countiune the relationship but have no expectations on what they will provide.You can let a friend load off & vent but don't let them drag or drain you. Learning boundaries is a huge key for success. If you feel that you aren't getting the same treatment, then just detach. Don't detach from the rest of us that really do want to give back :) Hope that makes sense! Hugs to you! <3

I love your post because it is exactly how I feel. The beauty about people like us is that once we accept our curse as a gift then we don't think about it as much and we realize what we do is for the empowerment of our soul. Good people like you have an eternal light, keep it shining

I hope that you don't consider me one of those EP friends who just fling you aside like you don't matter, because you do matter. You and I are in the same boat my friend and I too have always been the " occasional friend" that people off load on. I don't mind to a point, but I will openly admit that I tend to keep my distance from people.

I too have been hurt way too many times to be so open anymore. I've learned to not take everything so personally because I always got hurt in the end. My philosophy is this, " Some times you just got let go of all your expectations and go with the flow."

Ever since I adopted this new philosophy of mine I'm learning to let go of my anger, bitterness and am just accepting the fact that people will eventually disappoint you in one way or another. Does that automatically make them a bad person for not liking me? No, because we are all human and we all have flaws.

I'm beginning to also see that there are two sides to every story and that nothing is ever what it appears to be. If that person doesn't have the common decency to write back, call or whatever, then they either don't realize what they are doing or they are just *** holes, in my opinion.

I hope you still consider me friend and if not, then that is your choice. I felt that I should say something because I care enough to do so. I've also been through what you're going through right now.

A.S

Sorry, I meant that I feel that I should say something. Sorry for the typo :)

T, while I can certainly understand how you feel, I think you're being too hard on yourself. You are an intriguing person and you cause people to be curious about you. An online relationship can be hard because there's still this huge wall up called the internet. Life can be rough because we all have to deal with our own individual situations where we are and we come on here hoping to find a better world. But, people are people. Inherently good, but with plenty of flaws. I hope everything gets better...Miss ya.

But, that's exactly what I mean; everyone has issues, but they aren't there for me with my issues, even when I'm constantly there for them on their bad days.

That is true but I guess if you never take a chance then you might never find something special. Obviously hard to convey when you've always been burned in the past, and I understand that. I'm the same way many times. I'm never really anyone's first choice, or at least that's how I feel in life, so why bother? However, I still become drawn to wanting and needing people to talk to so I guess I continue to trust others and open up. Maybe I'm foolish, maybe not, but it's how I've chosen to look at it right now.

i completely understand what you mean when you say you feel like a plan B. i have very few friends and i feel like the ones that i have don't really understand me (that sounds so cliched) and that i cant be completely myself around them. i feel like there is always someone better or more enjoyable than me that my friends could spend time with because i see them laugh more and talk more with other people because i'm a person of few words. usually they only really start talking to me when there is no one else around to hang out with...it really makes a guy feel like a last resort.

Sorry you feel that way. I know it's not a good feeling.

it's good to know someone understands

That may not necessary be the case. Perhaps those 2 people you mentioned just happened to know other friends longer here, it's only natural they would make them the priority. Internet chatting, or indeed SMS exchanging IMO is very easy to cause misunderstandings. Because unlike meeting in real life, we can't read the tone, emotion and body language of the person we are talking to. <br />
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But the key thing here is - you seem to be a girl who's lacking of self confidence. Don't sell yourself short. If you have shortcomings, other people have their share too. They probably hide them better than you, but that doesn't make you inferior than them.

Interesting post. While I don't have much to say here, I think that there are possibly some people on here that probably went above your expectations.<br />
And I wish you luck in regarding that.

I feel the exact same way at times. I was friends with someone for almost 8 years. We were pretty young when we met, so actually being there for one another was pretty trivial at first. The years went by, and we pretty much lost touch, except when she was having boyfriend/family/school issues. I started to notice a pattern. She would use me as a soundboard, but then discard me. I even attempted to go to her once, and she totally blew me off. She wasn't the last person to behave this way towards me; this is a reoccurring theme in my life. I can't help but blame myself, and my personality.

Hey there, making friends online is hard, without meeting, you still don't have that real connection that would make them want to get back in contact, it's normal, you need to have a real connection to those people to be able to sustain a friendship online.<br />
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Try using the phone, or meeting with people face to face after you've met them online, I think this would be a good idea.<br />
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you sound like a lonely girl, I feel for you, I'm lonely too, although now I have people that I hang out with every day.. I'm still alone..<br />
<br />
If you need a friend, contact me, we might hit it off.<br />
<br />
There are some great people on EP, but most people that come here are hurt and have the same needs as you, maybe the people that heal move on from EP.

Yes, I know. But I find it easier meeting people online than in person, because of my disorders; online is just more simpler, less daunting. But I know that EP probably isn't the best place to find friends, since a lot of people that come here have issues of their own, and I guess friendship isn't everyone's priority. It's not mine, but it would be nice to have a friend.