I'm incredibly blessed with a great life: Happily married. Amazing kid. A job I love (most days.)

People see me everyday and see the mask I put on to face the world. I smile and laugh. Because, really, I'm happy in every avenue of my life except one.

I'm excruciatingly lonely. I cry when I'm alone because I feel completely pathetic to be a grown woman without a friend. I have friends who live very far away, but no one near me. No one I can call to just hang out. I've been lonely for a couple years now, but until recently, it was manageable. My wife was going through the same thing, and we supported each other. But that wasn't sustainable and now my wife has a new friend.

I'm so happy and excited for her. She has someone other than me to talk to-- it's healthy. She texts, calls and hangs out with her new friend all the time. And while I'm happy that she made a friend, I'm jealous. And overwhelmed with the weight of a sadness that I am so alone.
lachrymose3 lachrymose3
31-35, F
4 Responses Aug 23, 2014

I have been in a similar situation. It is really difficult when you don't have friends. That is the side of life that is depicted everywhere. When you have no friends you long to be the person meeting up with "the girls" (or boys) and just hanging out.
My problems stem from being an introvert. I am not very forthcoming about organising meet ups or talking to people in the first place. More of a observer of the world. The longer you feel you are the only one who doesn't have a friend the more upset you will be. If you really want a friend you are going to have to put yourself out there. I decided I had enough of being lonely and miserable so went to a mother an toddler group. It took me a while to integrate but it wasn't that awkward because I was having fun with my daughter. I did meet one of my best friends who still laughs that she came over to speak to me as I was sat playing with play-doh on my own (daughter had found something else to do.) I also met my other close friend at the school gates as our sons were in the same class. I got a sudden burst of confidence and made some small talk. Both of my friends are complete extroverts so they enjoy having a good listener in me and I enjoy their company.
You can do it too! It is scary at first but will be so rewarding. Good luck! X

You can survive without many friends. If you would have a kid, that would keep you busy, so you wouldn't feel alone .

I have a kid. It's nice to have conversations with people that aren't centered around ponies or using the potty though.

You should (this may sound a little bad but...) use your child. Enroll them in extra curriculars. It gets them in a social setting and opens you up to be around the other children's parents. And you will have at least one thing in common already with every person there, you all have kids. ;)

One way to make a friend is being a friend. Just go out and talking to people is a great thing. You shouldn't need therapy. You just need to talk to people. Ask them to hang out and go do stuff together whether it is as a couple or just you. Ask you wife how she did it and see you can can do the same. One thing you can try is joining a social group. There are tons of people out there that are part of bowling teams or sports teams or something like that. I hope I am not blabering on too much but I believe you can do it!!

Thanks, captain! It's a lot easier for my wife because she's a bartender. Her job is very social and she's exposed to all kinds of people and meets new people constantly (but not always people you would consider "friends.") I work in construction and it's a bit harder for me simply because I don't have a desire to hang out with the people I work with (for the most part). Your advice is excellent though, and I know I need to make a greater effort in putting myself out there because I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. It's just so much harder to make friends as an adult!

I understand that. I am in college and it is super easy to find friends and make close ones. And well that is where you can find groups that do stuff together such as a softball team or something like that. There are so many things out there and I am sure you will be able to find something with people you can call your friend.

Did you tell your wife your feelings ?

Yeah. She knows. And she's being great, but I don't want to make her feel bad for making a friend. I just wish I knew how to do the same.