My name is Paul and I just found out that my wife wants a divorce. I've spent the past 20 years trying hard to love my family, to work hard and provide as a man should do. I left out one important thing: friends. Now I'm suffering because I have no-one to talk to about all the issues I am facing and am about to face. I'm a nice guy, just need some help.
prandall prandall
46-50, M
9 Responses Aug 23, 2014

I desperately want a new life without her but I am fearful of that process. I am ready for the divorce ... Just not the effects of the divorce. I love my wife and my family... I just don't have a leg to stand on anymore.

Hello friend,
I am so sorry to hear your sad news. I do not know enough to comment on your situation. My free advice is this....if this is absolutely what you do not want then fight for your lady. Listen to her and dissect the problems in your marriage. They may be hard to hear and you may have your own list that brought you two to this place. I think people give up too often these days. It's worth a fight if it is what you want. I am here to listen if you need a friend.

The divorce is settled. I don't want it but I don't have a leg to stand on anymore. I too want an end but it is for much different reasons than hers. It is mutual in the respect that I don't have any fight left in me. I am fearfully of being alone... Like the first time I will be in my new apartment by myself. I am scared to death of that and don't know how to get through that. I can feel the walls closing in on me already and I'm not even there yet.

Again I am so sorry for your pain. It's sounds like you have a new beginning ahead of you and it is always scary to step outside your comfort zone. Try to focus on yourself! It is so easy to wallow in sadness and get caught up in a pity party (trust me, I have done it) but it doesn't get you anywhere. Remember who you were before you were two. Find new passions! It won't be easy. You will have moments of weakness (we all do) but this struggle will teach you something and make you a better man for it. I know I sound preachy but I have been there so I speak from experience and am only trying to help. Love and light my friend.

Thanks. It helps so much to just talk. I do have work ahead if me. I just need to settle into a plan to accomplish this.

It's ok you have tried your best to please your wife and family. Don't worry you will find great friends that you can connect to and talk to everything will be ok soon

I tried. Man did I try. In the end it wasn't good enough. I wish I could just get mad about it. That would be preferable to the panic and anxiety.

No. Never say you weren't good enough. Just promise me you won't say that. If you think that you tried your best then put your mind at ease

That's sad. My husband & I fight a lot & I'm feeling discouraged right now. Will it ever change? But I would guess that the prob. is similar to yours. To marry & be happy we have to connect on an intimate level emotionally & we have to maintain that connection over the years. Sometimes we can put up with an unsatisfying marriage for a while & distract ourselves, but then it catches up to us. 20 years is a long time to wait, but if u have kids, that is an easy distraction.

My husband & I are believing that God can heal us & our marriage, but if not, we don't have much chance. I hope u can make a new life either with ur wife or without her.

Good way to see things, sometimes things happen for a reason and sometimes for the best if our own good! It may hurt , it may be hard but always keep gid in you heart and you will be fine !! I know !!


Has she said WHY she wants out?

Not specifically ... She says that we just don't see eye to eye on much of anything. I would agree on that.

Has she said when she noticed she started feeling like that?

Hey Paul, I'd be happy to visit with you if it could be of help.

I hope things work out well for you Paul. Anytime if you want to try talking to me, feel free.

Thanks. I appreciate it. Same goes for me.

I've been through it too. As the young folks say HMU if you need someone to talk with.

Not sure what HMU is?

Hit me up. I'm trying to learn texting language and that's all that stuck so far.

PM from gweber2900 (above me) is Private Message. Ok, so I remembered two things. This is tougher than Celtic.