Seriously Need A Good Friend
In all my 22 years of living so far, which yes I know is young, I still yet have the blessing to find a long lasting friend. Many of my encounters have only lasted no longer than 3 years.
My problem is I simply have not a single friend anymore nearby who makes those fun good memories of hanging out together and living life to the fullest. I can't stand going out in society alone, for I can be quite shy at first until I feel comfortable enough to open up. I sadly just end up going to work now day after day, coming home then reside to myself with my family only. My family while I cherish them deeply, can only bring forth so much which I know I need to expand out into the word. I simply do not know how to do that now.
I am told to go to events, or to try at work but it is not that simple for me. People I have met simply just don't click or hold interest in getting to know me for who I am. I really am a good person at heart, still taking pride I am even saving myself for that special someone (for now I just want a friend). My work has people too old or those my age are in the party goer social life. I cannot open up easily just like that to people I do not know, for I am easily sensitive from being judged. My Church is too old fashion, barely any youth members attend there. My biggest mistake was leaving my college, which now I am stuck with a lot of debt and cannot go back. I have deleted my Face book due to being sick of neglect from such a past for I don't get why must I always make an effort to stay in contact? Surely if any friend out there wanted to care about me, they would try from time to time too. I noticed that if I go on without saying anything, people will hardly notice me ever at all. What I mean by this is I'm always the one sending out the letters, but I never get a letter in return or out of surprise.
Having a friend would do many beneficial things for me...for starters motivate me to enjoy life again. I feel like I've fallen into a depression cycle where I just don't feel the energy for living or trying things my hardest which I know I can do, but don't due to having nearly no support or encouragement to make me want to achieve. It is really sad, and I hate when I end up lashing out towards those who simply just do not understand how lonely I feel.
"He's a great guy" "Very handsome and bright" "Such a good hard worker" "Polite and wonderful" I hear all these praises all the time, but I gotta ask...if I'm so good why do I struggle to find satisfying friends? I find a relationship to be impossible at this point so I won't discuss much there, for I cannot even find a decent good friendship to start with. While people outside see me as "happy", inside I feel cursed with this lonely life.
I have lost sight in simply where to start or what to do now, starting over, with 0 friendships...thing is, I don't need many, I would be eternally grateful to have just even 1 for the remainder of my lifetime.
Ok whew, that's it for now. Long I know, but I've kept to myself for all this time about things like this (hence why I am here).
So now I look back on this story, and see how clouded my mind really was on what I desired. While it is true I seek a friend, it wasn't the real need I was looking for. That answer has been found thank to the stars, which is opening many doors of potential for more. I know the day will come I will find these wonderful friends I strive for in reality. Having friends online, just a few not many, is great too for everybody counts. Things like Facebook I certainly don't need to find social connection. I look forward now to working hard, enjoy my life, and do the best I can for myself until those others I seek come forth within my story.