New To The Community

I am new to the gay community and have recently come out of the closet (to a few close friends). In some cases it has cost me some guy friends as they think that I suddenly want to have sex with them. I thought maybe getting some friends who are also gay would be fun, not to engage in a relationship with them, but just to hang out with other people who might know what I'm going through. If anyone can give me some tips on how to deal with the judgement of others and maybe how to convince straight guys i'm not just out to have sex with them, please leave a comment or send me a message.
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1 Response Dec 15, 2012

When I first came out, I went through a pretty similar thing to what you described. It's not always easy, and sometimes it's seriously frustrating. One thing to consider is that it took a long time to come out, same goes with people close to you, many will need to get used to and comfortable with it, and they might just come around in their own time. But for now, you have made a huge step towards figuring yourself out, and where you fit into the grand scheme of things. You should be very proud of yourself! The Internet is a good place to find resources that will be what you are looking for. It might sound hokey, but try looking for supportive, gay friendly volunteer opportunities to meet people like yourself. If you have a local LGBT center, or gay charities in your area, those will be really good venues for you to make friends, and will help make your introduction to gay culture a little less abrasive. The best way to deal with the judgmental side of gay culture is to avoid it and stick to positive people who don't typically run in those circles - nine times out of ten, those people won't be in the bars or clubs. Hope this helps, and feel free to hit me up with questions or even if you just want to vent!

The thing about parents is that they can be really tough for a couple of reasons - you don't want to hurt them, and you don't want to fight with them either. Patents aren't all that unaware when it comes to their kids, normally. Thing is, your dad might already know and just not want to deal with it, or acknowledge it for whatever his reasons might be. You'll know when the right time to tell him is, it will feel much more natural than if you try to force the situation. I tried coming out to my dad when I was 18, and I was talking about the reason behind a lot of my decisions at the time, and before I finally got to the coming out part, he asked me if I got a woman pregnant. So yeah, that wasn't the right time! My dad is the man's man type, who likes trucks and bad beer, WWF, sports, and cheesy calendars with bikini clad ladies laying all over giant spark plugs or lawn mowers or whatever. When I finally did tell him, he went through an odd phase where he blamed himself, but he has since gotten over it. He now loves and accepts me, and our relationship is better for it. For a parent, love or hate something all you want, it's a different ball game when it's about their kids. Give your dad the benefit of the doubt, but just to be on the safe side, have a back-up plan too.