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Curious

Well this is going to be difficult but necessary. I am a bi-curious man who until recently was secure in his heterosexuality. I have discovered that I have an attraction to some men. It was a shock to me, after all I'm not a young man. I found myself thinking about kissing this guy that I had met. I found myself aroused by this thought. I'll admit at first it freaked me out, but as I came to accept it, somethings about myself made more sense. I have thought about having sex with a man before, but more from a scientific point of view, rather then from desire. I have a strong feminine side, I always have. Some people have thought I was gay anyways. That never bothered me. I have never had any problem with homosexuality. In fact I took it as a compliment in some cases, in others is was not intended to be nice anyways. I never thought much about it till the before mentioned incident. Now I find myself at a cross roads, I still have that question lurking over me. What am I? Am I bi-sexual? Well since I have never been with a man I can't really say I am. Am I homosexual? I know that's not true because I love women way too much. I guess that leaves me as bi-curious. OK to the point of joining this group. I'm not looking for sex, a relationship, but I am looking for friends. I have had gay friends before in the past and have enjoy their company. I lived with a friend of mine who was gay and I never thought much about it. He was an old friend who was kind enough to help me out in a time of need. So, here I am now asking for someone who would like to help out a fellow man, who's sexuality is in question. I could use a friend right now who has gone though this before. I would like to know how you handled it, the way you felt, ect... I would be grateful for the help.

lonesomeloser66 lonesomeloser66 41-45, M 8 Responses Jun 7, 2009

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Hello
I found your story and predicament very absorbing. Thank you for sharing these thoughts. My experience of discovering my 'bi-sexuality' actually happened in reverse.

In fact I began my life as someone who felt no sexual attraction for women at all and who despite postponing having any actual sexual contact even with guys till I was 23 and even then taking things very cautiously at first. I told my parents and all my immediate friends that I was gay and indeed most of my family and friends told me they had worked this out already sometime previously.

But then a year later blonde girl who had been a fellow English student and pall all through university, one of those who had confessed to me she had always known I was gay got drunk with me one night and out of the blue I found myself giving her *********** and she was giving me ********. Then we were having sex almost obsessively for several weeks, indoors, outdoors in broad daylight, more or less anywhere. She said she was on the pill which I don't doubt but for whatever reason she forgot to take her pills for a couple days probably through exhaustion and I got her pregnant. In fact I was delighted at the idea of being a father but it was clear she didn't think I was a suitable father or serious long-term prospect for a life partner. I think to spare a confrontation she told me not very convincingly a coule weeks later that she had lost the baby naturally. I think she thought I believed her but I never did found reasons not to see too much of her again and was deep down very dejected about it for many years.

After nearly 18 years of seing only guys and having three live in relatuionships ith guys lasting over a year (a LTR in gay years) I decided I should reviit the whole becoming a father thing once more. I thought theremust be a woman out there who would not think me an unsuitable father in ny sense and so after a long story I met a woman and we got married having a daughter.

All my family and friends thought I was gay or a confirmed batchelor by the time I announced I was geting married to a woman. Again we had a great sex life. She was also over 40 had had a lot of experience of men living n many countries but she aid I was easily her best lover. We were happily married for six years and I definitely had no thoughts of straying when her menopause struck with avengeance and our relationship hit the skids big time. She became argumentative, critical and began assuming as we no longer had any sexual contact that I must be seeing guys behind her back. We eventually agreed to separate nd I found the loss of family life especially to sharing in the day to fay upbringing of my daughter a very heavy blow. My wife moved with my daughter to live in her native Switzerland.

I can honestly say that I would not consider another relationship wirh a woman again.

Since then I was in a largely very happy relationship with a mixed-race professional guy originally from the Caribbean. In a rather parrallel way his badly managed type two diabetes eventually took its toll on his libido. And unlike most of my previous gay partners he was exclusively active, not even slightly curious about being versatile. This left us no room to explore sexual intimacies on his passive side where staying hard would not have been a limitation to giving eachother a lot of mutual pleasure. He became very moody and difficult and having a sense of deja vu I suggested we take time out and stop living together. In fact we are still in touch but he took the split quite badly at first. Time will tell the extent to which all the rhings we have in common still allow for a good friendship to develope out of the ashes of relationship disappointment.

I am single now though dating again. Let me know if you are interested in discussing my experiences with you further. I would like to hear more from you.

Hello! First I have to say that I'm not bi. I'm gay although I have had experience with women it was more to convince myself that I wasn't gay. But, I do have some experience with bi-men. My ex is bi. A lot of gay guys believe that bi-men are just confused and use the term bi to fool themselves but that is just stupidity. Kinsey said long ago that sexuality is a continuum and that most men are not on either of the extremes but somewhere in between. But there are bi men out there and the easiest ones to find are on craigslist. But those guys are usually married and looking for a sexual release. They are not trying to bridge an emotional attachment. I just want to say I wish you well and good luck and that you are not alone.

I know the feeling....I was very attracted to my instructor in college. I found out my second yr he was gay, but the first year i was head over heels for him. hmmm did i always know i was bi or just finding out. things i did in high school would say yes, but i moved on after that. now im wanting to be with a man more and more. yes quite a delima i can relate with. good luck to you

I just recently joined. You can read my stories so that you see where I come from. Good luck!

In my experience, when I have encountered other men with a curiosity about being with another man sexually, I have suggested that they find a man who is totally trustworthy and attempt to explore that curiosity. I think it is only by experience that we can know completely if whatever we are curious about is actually something we want and, until that curiosity is satisfied, we might engage in some other conduct that could be self-destructive, even destructive to ourselves.

I think its in human nature to want to control and label things . thats why when things seem out of hand or just weird we tend to have a negative reaction. Your freaked out because you can't understand why is it that you have these toughts now that your in your 40's and not when you were younger , My advice would be to go talk to your gay friend maybe he can help you and maybe with his help you can find a nice guy and experience things with him. I dont know if your married tought or if you have kids, if you do it might be a bit harder for you since your entourage might not understand.

anyways add me if you need to talk.

so your question really is or should be where do I go from here! go out pick up a guy that your really attracted to and see what happens.go with the flow.I know it will be scary or maybe different.but if you don't try.you will never know.good luck to you post again let us know hows it going ok..