Striving To Be Perfect
I know there is no such thing as being perfect but i find myself striving to be so perfect for my boyfriend. He is my first boyfriend ever and i know how his past girlfriends used to treat him, i just don't think he deserves to be treated like that, and i want to make sure he's forever happy and gets what he deserves. He's made a HUGE transformation from who he is now to who he used to be and the crowd he used to hang out with, he's trying so hard to do better for himself and for us, i want him to know that i am proud. I TRUELY feel like he should be treated like a prince or a king, he even has a princes name, and gets treated like such by his family. They are from a different country and for them the oldest son gets more responsibility, but also benefits that know one else gets. Since he was little he was pressured into finding the perfect girl for him, and now that he's found me, i want to live up to that, not for his family though, but for him and i. I try to look perfect for him all the time, especially when he comes home from work or when i see him for the first time in days or weeks. My hair, outfit, and our room has to be perfect and neat. I love having lunch or dinner ready for him for work, or by the time he gets home, if its not there i feel like i'm a bad girlfriend. I feel my best when i'm doing something for him, and even better and more accomplished when i'm tired or don't feel like doing something and i do it anyway for him, i can sleep better at night. I feel like i can do better because we've been together for 2 years and 5 months and still NEVER had sex. He's not pressuring me, though he does tell me he wants to do it, but he wants me ready and comfortable first. I can't tell whether i'm just scared, or if i'm really not ready yet, and at this point i don't know if i'll ever be ready because i'm already 20. If i could do that for him, i could be on my way to being a perfect girlfriend for him because he deserves that from me.