Polygamy Just May Be Great!

     I'm a woman and am not in love with two women.  However, I have had at least two or three men invite me into their "circles;"  young, intelligent, attractive men who are not practicing polygamists.  One of them told me recently:  "You may have to share a man...all the good ones already have women."  At first, I was offended by the remark.  But, after giving it some thought and watching that new show on HBO (Big Love), I may want to change my response.

     So, what IF a man is in love with more than one woman?  I mean, that's possible, right?  I don't know.  I've been married twice but, I'm not sure if I've ever believed that marriage is a realistic institution.  It makes sense that, as we change and grow that our needs will change.  If our partner doesn't change and grow with us, at the same pace as us, then why wouldn't it be acceptable for us to find that some of our needs are being fulfilled by someone else?  At any given moment, anyway, none of us can ever be EVERYthing that our partner wishes to find; we can't fulfill ALL of each other's needs!

     Though I prefer to be sexually active and intimate with one man at a time; to devote myself as a woman to one man; to dedicate my body as being solely his (and mine) for the enjoying, I must admit that I'm actually strangely comforted by the idea of there being other women (that I have approved of and welcomed...and love) to take care of some of my man's needs.

     Is that idea self-depracating?  Does it sound like the rantings of a middle-aged, sex-starved, beautiful woman? 

MysticWriter MysticWriter
36-40, F
15 Responses Aug 6, 2006

I think everyone should live an let live . Some can be in a poly relationship others can't. I have been in something like that and honestly I liked it better when she had a friend to go see. It bothered me some but honestly it made her happy and aloud her to vent her frustrations in a way I could not help her with. Our relationship was vary problematic and was not planed but that is not the point. The point I'm trying to make is that in a relationship at one point I was happy to have a hot wife that went to do her thing.

Wow, I think in any relationship you have to feel valued and heard. There has to be a point where all parties involved are getting their needs met. It will never be all equal because that's just not how things in real life are but at the underlining current should be love and family. @ simplysloan, if you feel his wife is damaged or needs therapy then suggest one... If you can't except her for who she is, move on... You shouldn't be "acting" as the case worker always on the outside and feeling like women beware when you are the third. It all depends on who you are with and what rules/boundaries are set from the get go. If you are nicely asking for your needs to get met and then feeling hurt when they don't by all means GET LOUDER... Stop case working them. Make a commitment to yourself and stick with it... If they love you as I do our third they will do what needs to be done to meet your needs.

You sound like someone who has given this some thought and I must say that I am Bi and poly in the since that I would want one other woman to be there to help take care of my mans needs and to love and be loved by. I don't feel the need to get out there and have a tons of lovers or several men in my life just that little extra special spice and flavor a woman brings. I know there will be times of jealousy but I think we could work it through.

my bf and are completely open and we promised each other to keep on cheating each other forever! I love him!!!

I'm too jealous for that. I have a boyfriend who is living with his ex girlfriend and their child because he can't pay child support and she can't afford a home for herself and the child. They are not on a relationship and they're not sexual, etc. He wants me, not her, but she doesn't have the money to move out and he loves having their son living in the house with him. She knows he is dating me. They lived like that for 5 years, each of them dating other people separately, and moved apart, but with the economic situation they couldn't afford to live separately. So, I've started thinking that the only way that all of us could be happy is if I get along with that woman and we all move to a duplex house; I move with him in one side and she lives with the kid on the other side.

@ SpanishRose401: I understand your position on that. I think it's a great idea for you all to try it that way. My first poly relationship was much like that one. My girlfriend was married. She was in an arranged marriage to please her parents and rejoin the family after being dismembered by them. When the marriage didn't gain her family's approval, she decided to move to another state. She grew to love and respect her husband very much, so they decided to continue the marriage. When I met her she and her husband did not share a bed together. They slept in separate rooms . He "approved" of her having a girlfriend, but became very nervous and jealous with our growing love. I finally told her one day, "You should let us meet. I would be jealous too if suddenly my wife was spending so much time with someone else." We finally agreed that it would be a strain, financially and emotionally to continue sharing 2 households with her running back and forth between the two and decided to merge the family. It went well for a while and he and I got along great. He finally just decided that for him, the poly relationship was just not an environment he wanted to raise children in. My girlfriend/his wife, was devastated and felt she had to choose. She chose me and that broke my heart as much as it would have if she hadn't. I was no "home weaker." I encouraged her to stay in her marriage. I would not be the reason for a divorce. She was also clearly bisexual and I knew that she would most likely always desire the physical and emotional companionship of a man. I loved her very much and It took a while to get over the heartbreak and jealousy of loosing her/letting her go.
I do support your idea to keep the family separate, but keep it easier financially on you all.

There is no doubt about the fact that monogamy has a failure rate of over 50 percent. Hm...... Poligamy can be a much better relationship. I totally agree with you. Read Isaiah 4:1 "And in that day seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel: only let us be called by thy name, to take away our reproach. Hm.... Maybe we are now in that day. I speak from experience as a polygamist. The real "winners" are the wives. Contrary to popular believe.

Crystalcat - kind, tidy, reliable - i think that is the one you chose over the sex and holidays one. Another guess i have is that since you chose that you have been working on the sex and holidays part of your relationship to make that part better too! :)

outlawbeto - interesting - you've never physically strayed from your partner but you find more emotional fulfillment from another woman. In a way this is insulting to your partner that you do not find all your emotional fulfillment in her. But people can have friends and our friends all offer us different things. I suppose i can understand how your friend's personality would offer you different things that your partner does not offer. A radically different point of view you might have that can be shared with your friend rather than your partner, i could identify with that. I am still interested in your story and hearing about the differences between your partner and your friend. Maybe you will share more. <br />
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MysticWriter - I do find it interesting that you want to be physically faithful to one man but yet maybe have another in your life to share things with. I wonder if it is possible to have such a close male friend and never be physically intimate with that friend. It is of course important to have your main partner consent in all the details of sharing you. I guess it comes down to whom you wish to be more devoted to. Relationships in all their forms are always very interesting, as this story proves :)

If Polygamy is against God why did God tell David that if his wives had been to few he would have given him more? John Milton's paper on Polygamy is the bomb and tells it like it is. Polygamy can be great or it can be hell.... kinda like the hereafter... just depends on where you go and who is waiting there for you.

Pologamy is against God.. One man, one woman. Reas the bible .

Can you provide scripture references please???? The One man one woman quote is very suspect. It was translated from Greek. The word "Mias" is much better translated as "First" not "one" but the church did not like the implication of "first" because if there is a first wife then there has to be at least a second wife right??? Hm..... a little politics or tampering going on here??? Also the bible has a lot to say about many types of sins. Can you quote a scripture that links plural marriage with sins??? I have never read one. Of course many of the great prophets were polygamists hm..... Abraham had three wives Sarah, Hagar, Keturah/ Esau Abraham's grandson had three wives Judith, Bashemath, Mahalath/ Jacob, the father of the 12 tribes of Israel had 4 wives, Rachel, Leah (sisters) Bilhah, Zilpah. Hm... without these women, we would have no 12 tribes of Israel. Gideon had 70 sons for he had many wives Judges 8:30 Elkanah 2 wives Hannah and Peninah of course you know that Hannah gave birth to the great prophet Samuel. King David had a bunch: Michal,Ahinoam,Abigail, Maacah, Haggith, Abital, Eglah Bethshebah/ Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. He wrote a love song to his 141 wife Song of Solomon 6:8 Ashur had 2/ Rehoboam 18 wives and 60 concubines, Abijah had 14 SEE 2 Chron 11 : 21 do you want me to continue? What about this situation. The older brother is married and died without offspring. The law required that his younger brother has a child with his brother's wife. Are you saying that the younger brother was not married after his older brother's death. Just had sex with her????? That is adultery. So if the younger brother was already married guess what??? Got the idea. Lastly even Martin Luther performed a polygamist marriage in Germany. It was very normal.

I would like to know where in the bible that it says that pologamy is wrong. One of my wives has read the bible and she said that nowhere does it state that it is wrong.

Exactly right.

ss

I'm with you! I've loved (still love) more than one single woman. I married one and have never physically strayed. I have found however that emotionally as well as on a more physically more adventurous approach to life, I have had to open up and "be" ME! They've not only accepted me but have made it clear in no uncertain terms that the more traditional forms of being "unfaithful," were on the table as well. I love them ALL. I truly wish I could have lived in the days of Solomon and would have been able to have many wives whom I'd love just as much. Men are capable of this. And it's not sex I'm talking about.

Polyamory is what it is called. Loving more than one.