I Want To Move But I'm Scared!
It sounds silly to say but I'm scared to move out of state by myself! I'm an adult, about 2 weeks away from turning 32, so I shouldn't be afraid for crying out loud. But it's a pretty major life change and I'm intimidated by it. I've known for a long time I've wanted to do this, not a spur of the moment decision. I am from Iowa, was born and pretty much raised here. Right after college I moved to Texas with a friend of mine...for 3 months. lol I was stupid, blew all of my money and was super homesick. So I came back home, defeated.
I always knew this wasn't the place for me, you know? I'm what I jokingly refer to as a "delicate flower"; in the winter I always get sick. And not just the sniffles, full blown strep throat, bronchitis or something equally miserable. I know people say they hate the snow, but I really do. If it's under 60 degrees outside I've got a coat or long sleeves on. So when there's an ice storm and it's 30 below at night I pretty much want to hibernate. Snow and ice are evil, they make driving conditions deathly and cause accidents. I've been in weather related accidents and they suck! Driving on slick roads makes me absolutely sick, I'm just a wreck. And I've been doing it all my life! lol
For the past few years I've been revisiting the idea of moving out of this frozen state, weight pros and cons. I have a decent job here, but it's a job and not my career so I don't really feel attached to it. I'm a people person and interview really well so I can get a job anywhere. And I absolutely love Austin, it's an amazing place with amazing people and an amazing energy and culture. Did I mention I think it's amazing? Weather is fabulous, it brings a tear to my eye when I think about it. 100 degree temps, it's heaven!!! I don't have a lot of family around here to begin with and I'm not really close to any of them. I rarely see my sister and my mom and I grew apart a while ago. No kids, no husband, no pets. My lease is up this fall so no rental commitment. When I started to think about it, there's nothing really keeping me here or holding me back. I can't find any legitimate excuses not to do it. So what's my problem?! :)
So I started to think about it, what's my problem? Well I don't want to go by myself. I'm pretty independent so I don't get why I feel like I need someone with me. I guess I just want a support system, someone who's going through the same changes. I know one or two people in the entire state of Texas, but not well enough to shack up with until I got on my feet. If I went by myself there are just a lot of "what ifs".
I do have a good friend here who feels the same way and she wants to leave the state. But I'm not sure that she has this needy thing I do. hehe I want to be selfish and convince her to move with me. I probably could convince her to come with me, but I don't know that Austin is where she really wants to be. I'd feel terrible getting her down there and having her regret it later.
I've decided I want to go for it. I think. Pretty sure. Maybe. I'm looking into companies in the area, what jobs pay down there, how much apartments cost. Even looking into flying down for a weekend to take a look around and make sure I still love it there. This could actually happen!!! If I can just find a way to switch off that thing inside me that tells me I can't do this then it might actually work. But that switch has proven to be really hard to find.