I Want To Move But I'm Scared!

It sounds silly to say but I'm scared to move out of state by myself!  I'm an adult, about 2 weeks away from turning 32, so I shouldn't be afraid for crying out loud.  But it's a pretty major life change and I'm intimidated by it.  I've known for a long time I've wanted to do this, not a spur of the moment decision.  I am from Iowa, was born and pretty much raised here.  Right after college I moved to Texas with a friend of mine...for 3 months.  lol  I was stupid, blew all of my money and was super homesick.  So I came back home, defeated. 

I always knew this wasn't the place for me, you know?  I'm what I jokingly refer to as a "delicate flower"; in the winter I always get sick.  And not just the sniffles, full blown strep throat, bronchitis or something equally miserable.  I know people say they hate the snow, but I really do.  If it's under 60 degrees outside I've got a coat or long sleeves on.  So when there's an ice storm and it's 30 below at night I pretty much want to hibernate.  Snow and ice are evil, they make driving conditions deathly and cause accidents.  I've been in weather related accidents and they suck!  Driving on slick roads makes me absolutely sick, I'm just a wreck.  And I've been doing it all my life!  lol

For the past few years I've been revisiting the idea of moving out of this frozen state, weight pros and cons.  I have a decent job here, but it's a job and not my career so I don't really feel attached to it.  I'm a people person and interview really well so I can get a job anywhere. And I absolutely love Austin, it's an amazing place with amazing people and an amazing energy and culture.  Did I mention I think it's amazing?  Weather is fabulous, it brings a tear to my eye when I think about it.  100 degree temps, it's heaven!!!   I don't have a lot of family around here to begin with and I'm not really close to any of them.  I rarely see my sister and my mom and I grew apart a while ago.  No kids, no husband, no pets.  My lease is up this fall so no rental commitment.  When I started to think about it, there's nothing really keeping me here or holding me back.  I can't find any legitimate excuses not to do it.  So what's my problem?!  :)

So I started to think about it, what's my problem?  Well I don't want to go by myself.  I'm pretty independent so I don't get why I feel like I need someone with me.  I guess I just want a support system, someone who's going through the same changes.  I know one or two people in the entire state of Texas, but not well enough to shack up with until I got on my feet.  If I went by myself there are just a lot of "what ifs". 

I do have a good friend here who feels the same way and she wants to leave the state.  But I'm not sure that she has this needy thing I do.  hehe   I want to be selfish and convince her to move with me.  I probably could convince her to come with me, but I don't know that Austin is where she really wants to be.  I'd feel terrible getting her down there and having her regret it later.

I've decided I want to go for it.  I think.  Pretty sure.  Maybe.  I'm looking into companies in the area, what jobs pay down there, how much apartments cost.  Even looking into flying down for a weekend to take a look around and make sure I still love it there.  This could actually happen!!!  If I can just find a way to switch off that thing inside me that tells me I can't do this then it might actually work.  But that switch has proven to be really hard to find.



freckles22 freckles22
31-35, F
19 Responses Feb 12, 2010

I am 30 years old and my partner and I are planning a move. We live in the UK and will be leaving our friends and the city that we love in order to be closer to family. The city we plan on moving to is much bigger, has more opportunities and has a much lower cost of living. Moving nearer to family would offer us more security and help in the future. But I'm afraid. So scared. We love our life here but we need to move on in order to secure a better life for the future.
I want to blink and wake up and it be done. We'll be at home in the new city and we'll know which, if any, friendships have survived. I'm so so scared. It helps to know other people feel the same.

I was seeking this blog for being a 30 year old moving to Denver from Los Angeles without knowing anyone. Others are posting the fear of moving from their home state...I grew up and went to college in Ohio. Getting out of my bubble in Ohio might have been one of the best things that have happened to me in life. It spiraled into an exposure of diversity and understanding of other cultures and lifestyles. I moved to LA for a boyfriend...for those relocating on account of a boyfriend, I would make sure you have extremely similarly aligned goals in terms of marriage, kids, etc. Being young, I hoped my boyfriend would outgrow his juvenile desires, and he didn't do so until years after our break up, both of us living in LA. Ultimately, it's so drastically different than Ohio we've both struggled here for the past 8 years. My biggest advice is make sure you're moving for reasons that you personally desire, and things will fall into place. I'm scared out of my mind for relocation, but a relocation isn't always a permanent thing. Relocate to a place that fits who you are and what you're looking for, and I believe you're likely to find locals that have the same hobbies and possibly values as you.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind..2 Tim 1:7

Perfect love drives out fear..1 John

So did you move? I am in a similar boat! I quit my awesome job in Ohio and moved to Phoenix when I was 32. I was just totally frustrated with life! I had a new better job offer in Phoenix but didn't take it. I totally buckled with anxiety and moved back to Ohio 4 months later to go to grad school. Now I'm 37 and want to relocate again. I'm thinking Tampa. I want to stay in the eastern time zone b/c being in Phoenix was hard when I was in a different time zone and wanted to talk to friends/family, but I'm scared b/c I only know 1 person in Tampa!

I think you should go for it . I am super anxious right now myself . Moving to a Calgary in 2 weeks, no job, seems like a lot of risk , my hearts keeps pumbing

I know how you feel too.... I'm nearly 32 also, and I've lived ALWAYS with family here in a small town in the UK...I'm supposed to be moving to Vancouver Canada, in a few months and I am getting more and more petrified by the minute, im moving alone, its a huge risk cause im going with just a bit of savings and no job...i will need to find a place to rent and a job when i get there...I am soooo anxious about it...its ridiculous...I have wanted to do it SO long and now I feel paralyzed by fear...

I'm moving from the Midwest to the east coast of the US in 2 days and I feel the same way.

Wow! this is almost exactly how I feel! I too am planing on moving to Austin. Did you make the big move?
Thank you for posting this. It really has helped tremendously to realize that I am not the only one who has gone through these emotions.
I too am a "fragile flower" I am so ready to move but I am so overwhelmed with anxiety. I feel paralyzed.
I know its time and I have been planning this move for the longest time but for some reason I am having the most difficult time putting the plan into action.
I guess I am not the only one. Thank you to all you wonderful candid ladies who have helped me feel a little less alone in this ordeal.
Did you make the big move? are you happy? I wish you the very best in beautiful Austin!

I'm scared to move too.... I live in Detroit, MI and I have a engineering job. But my boyfriend moved to Fort Lauderdale, FL and wants me to join him there. I'm terrified. I'd have to leave my good paying job and medical insurance... not to mention my whole family is in Michigan. Plus I'd be giving up on my second bachelors since out of state tuition is not affordable for me there....
But I have to say I'm definitely not happy here in Detroit. The trash is awful, the winters have been long, there are protests outside my work because the major stole money and an emergency manager was brought in ..... all the protesters were black people and stood up for the corrupt major because he was black and they don't want the white emergency manager... apparently all black people think that white people are awful... I was called a hater walking down the street and they group together and hate on white people. And I'm not racist! But I see this happening.... And there is all the houses that are decaying... its miserable looking. They are trying to board them up so that they dont get squatters. I drive by broken down neighborhoods and graffiti everyday to get to work.
Even with all this nonsense I am still terrified of leaving Michigan.... it is hard to go into the unknown with no job or sense of security. I have never left this state and it is really difficult to leave....

Not all black people hate white people. I live in Alabama racist state capital and like white people love them talk to them eat with them and sleep with them. So not all black people are like that. But if you had true struggles in life like those black people you might would find yourself mad at whatever race you thought had the better hand dealt to them in life. all in all you should leave there so you can go to Florida and see the many of them that WILL act so much different. 😜

I am by no means racist, but I found this to be interesting. My partner and I have decided to move out of state, we're setting our sights on Florida. We live in the Detroit area. We're both VERY miserable here, the jobs are nowhere to be found, I am a recent graduate, so the need to find a better job comes from $480 extra that I didn't have to pay before - my choice, I know, but.... I am not even IN DETROIT, and the difference in culture (black, white, asian, whatever you are) is 180° difference, like total flip-flop from Michigan to somewhere like Florida (and I'm sure Alabama too, although I've never been there!)... not ALL people are like this, but when you go down south for example, Publix, is just one store, the shelves are stocked full and faced forward. People GREET YOU. "Oh, can I take this cart to your car, sir??" --- YOU WOULD NEVER FIND THAT SORT OF TREATMENT AT THE SAME COMPARABLE STORE UP HERE IN THIS AREA. You get "attitude" (whether you're white, you're black, you're green, ...) so really, the culture in this area, the lack of initiative, the lack of TRUSTING one another, is completely void here in Detroit area. Western Michigan, not so much... and the further north you go, it's beautiful.... I will miss the summers and taking trips up to the UP every other year.... I will miss the fall colors.... but we gotta get out of this place. I'm curious to know if Lisa got out or not??? Money isn't worth it. I'm even considering a pay cut. If I end up finding a job here, then, maybe I'll re-consider heavily...... because I really don't want to leave, but nothing is here that says to me that this culture is healthy to be around. And, if it's a mistake, then we can look at moving back. You only live once.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm turning 26 in a few months and I want to move from central illinois to New Orleans. But I'm soooo scared! I would be all alone... I have one friend that lives down there, but she lives with her boyfriend so it's not like I can move in with her.
I just got out of a pretty bad relationship.. I know he's not good for me but I keep going back to him. I think a change of scenery is a breath of fresh air. It's like that mark twain quote where he says "twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do, than the things you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

I'm moving tonite and I'm scared out of my mind, I'm 25 and am moving from tx to Indiana, I worry about things that may go wrong or that I may get stranded with no place to go (traveling by bus), or like what if something happens to me.

It's just nice to know I'm not alone in this world. I am 37 years old and have never seriously moved out of Colorado. Recently I have been given the opportunity to move to Michigan and I'm really scared. It seems that I truly love this state and the people. I have the fear of not being able to get a job and support my family. I fear the change. I fear hating it there. I fear.....why do I have fear? I am capable of living anywhere I choose. Setting my mind to anything I choose; it can and will be done. If can have fun and excel working in a welding shop in Colorado, then I can have fun anywhere. Change is never easy; but it's also the only thing that is permanent. Good luck to all.

So true. It is the only thing that is permanent. Best of luck to you and thank you for sharing.

I want to move to Pacifica, CA. It is so beautiful there. My brother and his wife have been living there for over 25 years. I live in Chicago...and I dislike it. I moved here from Cleveland, OH., in 1976. I am now 60 years old. I know this is quite late to make such a drastic change...but I need to do it. I have a 15 year old grandson here...but he lives with his mom, and will be going away to college soon. I want peace and calm during my "golden years". I am taking a Medical Transc<x>ription course on-line...with hopes of having a portable job. I am open for comments and positive suggestions. Thank you.

I think this is very inspiring! Your post proves that you are never to old to start over! Thank you for sharing and I really hope you make it to Pacifica!!!!

I live in Chicago and dislike it! Best of luck to you!

I too am so afraid to move out of state! I really want and feel I need to for the sake of mine and my children's happiness. I am a single mother of minor children with no family support so I wouldn't miss them anyway.

I want to move and even attempted to move to Nova Scotia in Canada, as I love it there, just over a year ago - from the UK 3000 miles from my family whom I love dearly. This attempt was too much for me and led to me being so anxious and panicky, suffered with panic attacks and depression at the loss of my dreams. A year later, I am still scared and anxious, but I still want to move away, but am so so scared of moving from family, even though I hate the town I live in and I do not like the place I work at anymore. I am thinking of Ireland or Scotland, as these two places tick the same boxes for me that Nova Scotia does, but I will still be doing it on my own and this is what scares me - living on my own in a different place without any support network or shoulder to cry on when things get bad/homesick etc. I can travel by myself without any fear, but living in a different country on my own is freaking me out. I don't really have a solution, I just wanted to share.

I have always dreamed of Nova Scotia. I haven't even been able to visit there yet. But I feel the same way as you do. Stuck. Paralyzed by my own fears. It makes me so mad at myself! I am married though. But not so happy. We live in the USA. Born &amp; raised in PA. We did move out to MI for 5 years where I did love it, but we just moved back to PA this past Nov because my husbands kidneys are shutting down. He has polycystic kidney disease. I hate being back here. It's so grown up around here, polluted with ***** malls &amp; people everywhere. There is hardly any country left. MI was nice with all the lakes, but the economy up there has left it so poor &amp; everything is so much more expensive. You are blessed to have the family support though. I still have some family myself, but I still have not even seen most of them since we came back. Shows how close we all are &amp; that includes my close friends. That was my biggest reason for leaving in the first place. No one can take the time out for anyone anymore. Funny, when I was working 6 days a week, I still found the time to visit &amp; pick up the phone. IDK, maybe thats just me or maybe it's just me!,lol! I was always the one who held get together s, parties &amp; such. Maybe we are all just sick of this world eh? I know I sure am. I don't plan on leaving my husband while he is in this heath crisis, but I just hope I'm not to old before I get the chance to go be on my own. Just sharing as well, no solution here either, until something major happens I guess.

in the same boat , 47, nurse, afraid,,,,live in town i feel opressed in my job is good and im thankful but working nights is wearing me down a little, just had my son move out and start his bacelors at college to join other son in masters there,, and here i sit,, not married, renting, no more children at home, eating and gaining weght, want to move and feel frozen...

You sound so depressed. :( your post is older, I wonder how you are doing?

Boy I can so relate to feeling frozen! You sound like a brave woman though who has already succeeded at so much. Best of luck to you!

I see you posted this a year ago. Have you made the move? How's it going?

Reading your blog post reminds me of someone, and that would be myself! I've been wanting to move from Ohio. My fiance and I want a fresh start.. I'm just really scared. Maybe it's b/c we don't have a lot of money or so. All of our family is here in Ohio, but I'm pretty sure we could live without seeing them everyday.. I think that's what is ruining our relationship anyway. Columbus is no longer any help to me, I'm without medical insurance and a job, and things aren't getting better. It's so funny b/c I was looking for someone to relate to, and I clicked your post and saw that you wanted to go to Austin too. It's amazing that someone else in the world and I are thinking alike! Could you please give me a little bit of info on Austin besides hot weather?

with no kids, i'd say go for it! sounds like you don't have much to lose and if you find job-hunting relatively easy, you must be a people person. i can understand your fears of being alone, but you sound like a person others will want to get to know... i'm sure you'll make new friends in Austin too... sounds like you really want to be there.

I have met some of the best people in the world and they are from Austin.