Moving Back to My Home Town

My husband retires from a twenty year career in the military next spring.  We are planning to move back to my hometown to be near family.  He promised we would do this when we got married ... it is why I agreed to marry him and move away.  He is keeping his word but now I am feeling anxious.  Has anyone else had this experience?


JoyceAnne JoyceAnne
46-50, F
15 Responses Oct 10, 2008

I moved away from home almost 20 years ago for school. Due to life circumstances I was stuck here. I became pregnant with a child and her father and I did not stay together. I raised a child here who is almost 18 and leaving for college this fall. I am remarried and my husband may have to start travelling for work. So, where I live doesn't really matter now. Now, I have a chance to move home and am feeling that my family isn't as excited about it as I am.

I ended up with a surprise pregnancy from my second marriage in my late thirties and decided to have another baby two years later so I would not have an only child again like my first one. It was very lonely for her growing up with a single mom and no siblings. Now, I have an opportunity to move back home closer to family. I have two small children now and I think they worry I plan on saddling them with them all the time.

That is not my intention. I made it here on my own for many years without them. When I think back on how MANY times I helped my mother with the younger children and my sister with her kids when I was a teenager and would rather have been doing anything else, it really hurts me to know they don't want to be "burdened" by mine.

I just miss home. I lived away all those years so that my first child could be near her father. It was like a twenty year prison sentence.

I just ache for home, not just the people....the land where I was born and raised. My family has lived in that area for many many generations. That is where my anchor is. My history, the story of where I came from. I have felt the pull to go home since I left. I never planned to move away and stay. It just happened that way.

Now I don't know what to do. Should I go home anyway and make sure that I don't ever ask my mother or sister for anything and limit my contact? I have a younger sister that I haven't talked to about this yet. I guess I am worried that she may feel the same way. It makes me feel so sad and alone. All these years what helped me to hold on and keep away the misery was knowing that when my daughter was on her own that I would go back home. Now I feel unwanted, like I am no longer part of the family.

My soul hurts.

It must be so wonderful to have a sense of home like that. I have no sense if home or belonging at all

I was raised by my father and his extended family in the Carolina's and would spend short sporadic periods of time with my Mother on the West Coast. I left home as soon as I graduated at 17 and have been a rolling stone ever since, not living more than 5 years in any one location (usually much shorter). Recemtly my Mother moved to the state I live in to be closer to me...our relationship has alway's been better on the phone than in person. The point is, I've lately been wanting to grow some roots (finally, I'm 40yrs old) and have been thinking of moving back home to be closer to the family that raises me. My problem however, is that I'm feeling guilty about wanting to be near my family when considering my Mother has moved to be closer to me.<br />
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Any suggestions?

I am having the feelings I would love to move back to my hometown area. I still have a sister there who I would love to spend more time with. My mom is 86 and I feel the need to spend some time with her also. My husband has family there also and I feel he would also benefit by spending more time with his brothers. My biggest concern is my children all live nearby where I am living now. I know <br />
they may move to other areas when they get married or change jobs but I don't know if I should move away from them. I really don't have any really close friends here that I could not live without. I have some friends from my hometown that I visit when I go to see family. I feel more of a connection there. I know I am going through some empty nest issues now also since my youngest is in college right now.

do i belong anymore here<br />
I am 52, divorced 14 years, had boyfriend for12 years, 4 kids, 2 graduate, 1 in college, 1 w/ associate and deciding, I moved bock to home town 4 years ago, the house was paid for and now am unemployed , trying to decide what to do<br />
it is good to see the old place, <br />
it is good to read about old acquaintances and their lives<br />
it is good to be in the country stead of town<br />
it is good to not have the struggle of 4 kids at home<br />
old acquaintances have their own lives, jobs, families, children and grandchildren, their life has gone own without you<br />
shared stories are from long ago when you do meet<br />
could i stop myself from feeling out of place there by moving back to where, cairo, owensboro, or maybe a new town lexington, DC, atlanta, at the kids would be there, but would i be intruding on their growing up<br />
my siblings yolonda, lovica, kenneth and their families are here<br />
Dennis(boyfriend) and his family is here <br />
my parents are gone now, but i live right across the road so I can see the house if I want where i grew up

I am having the same anxiety about moving home. We have an opportunity to move home in the next few months to a neighboring city of my home town which is a very high crime area. I currently live 7 states away and it really is one of the best places to live, even accoring to Money magazine. This place has everything that I want out of life except my family. My husbands family are fine, but my family can be full of drama, and it was just easier to leave it all behind. My husband and I have grown as a couple since we left and I have grown tremendously as a person. I do feel guilty for not being there for the important family functions, and for those family members who actually do care. It would be nice to be close enough to visit those who I want to be close to but far enough away to deter those I don't from visiting me. I have made life long friends here, but now that we have 3 children it would be nice to have help so that I can have a life.His family has promised to be there to help me out more if we come back, but I am not sure I believe that will actually happen. If I leave this place for familial support and don't get it once I get there, I will have uprooted my family from a great place for nothing. I really wish I could pick and choose family members to come live near us, but that is impossible. I want to be able to find a place that is comparable to where we live now that is closer to our family, but not sure that I will find that either. I am full of uncertainty right now, and completely consumed by my mental pros and cons list. I am naturally a second guesser anyway so this decision is driving me insane. Any advice would be helpful.

That is great ... a couple of hours from family is so maneagable. So glad you found a nice area, with good schools near family. I actually moved back to a neighboring city to my old hometown. Luckily my mother had already made the move to this new area and we have lucked out and been able to buy a house across the street from her. There is no way we could have moved back (still have a need ot drive by my childhood house now & then) to my old neighborhood ... unfortunately it is a high crime area now. I always thought of the city we are now living in as snooty but they have a great school system and reasonable property tax.

Long story really -- but there were two things that helped motivate the move away: high property taxes and lousy public schools. <br />
The sh*t hit the fan there shortly after leaving, and I'm glad to be somewhere else.<br />
I didn't have to move far -- only a couple of hours away -- but the lifestyle is infinitely better, and I can still visit family very easily.

jaun~<br />
<br />
If I may ask ... what disheartened you? Also did you return to the place you lived previously or did you explore somewhere new?

I returned to my hometown when I was in my late 20's. At the time, it was absolutely the best thing to do. After a little more than a decade, I became disheartened with it and moved away again. Given the way things are today, I have no desire to ever move back.

JoyceAnne, Welcome home..there and here. You were missed. Settle back and rest your mind. There's always a light in the window . X..Owlie & friends.

Thanks wiseowl, your comment helped me the most!

I totally forgot about joining the experience project and sharing my conflicting emotions about moving home. Well, we did move home and we have been here for a year. Some of the changes were difficult, especially for my kids but I can honestly say that it was the best thing we ever did. My kids have adjusted beautifully, my husband found a job in the civilian world that he loves and I am on the moon. I no longer have that empty displaced feeling I had while I living far away. Thanks for listening to me and sharing your support when I was at this crossroads!

It must be so wonderful to have a sense of home like that. I have no sense if home or belonging at all

Maybe it's anxiety about reliving the past.I know, it's strange. It does shake out!

YES!!! I am just now transfered to my home town but I am scared with the idea of going back after 7 long years. I dont know what will happen? What is this fear?

Yes. I left home in 1970 and returned in 2003. A small town and at 20 yrs old I wanted a bigger life.I had a bigger life. I went to Germany, as a military wife. I lived in huge towns..many states.Throughout the years I'd dream of home.My dreams were of being in my old house, outside of it, walking down streets, in my school too. Almost nothing changed in 33 years. I loved driving around looking at EVERYTHING. Visiting every little place I had been happy at. You will be fine. The brain kicks in and all is well.