I Thought I Did, And Right Now I Can't Stand It

I'm an emotional mess. I was in a relationship with this girl for over a year, and when everything crashed down and I told her it was time to move on she refused. I found someone else, and she attempted suicide because of me over it. I'm not saying that out of presumption either. She made it clear to me why she was killing herself, and the fact I couldn't talk her through suicide a second time after I talked her through it the first time (which is what strengthened our bond in the beginning) made me very anxious. I ended up getting her family involved after she attempted a drug overdose the next morning after staying with her through the night anyway and fortunately saved her, but she forever hates me. The suicide issue left me very introverted and emotional up to this day, and that happened on April 30th this year. I was doing so good at being fine from it, but for about a month now I've been missing her a lot and getting very emotional about it. I keep finding things she made me and many other reminders of her, which doesn't help. I went to clean out messages on facebook today, and came across all of the conversations I've had with her along with the frantic conversations I had with her sisters when she was suicidal. Now I'm drawing the line, because I can't take it anymore. I should have been fine from this by now, right? Is there ANY WAY I can stop being so emotional, or is it something I'll just have to deal with? I had a conversation with a friend about this a few weeks ago, and my ex still hates me and is making all the wrong decisions that used to frustrate me about her as a way of revenge to make me mad again. I had the option to speak with her again, but got nothing from her, of which I said in the first place will probably be best because it'll only make things hard again. I'm positive I still want to move on, but somehow that's getting hard when it wasn't too challenging all this time.
Paxis Paxis
18-21, F
Nov 10, 2011