I was in a relationship three years ago. It was my first relationship, and as you know about firsts, it was so important to me. He ended up breaking my heart by hooking up with someone at a party. In other words, he cheated. He told me he cheated after we broke up (which means he also lied while we were together). Now, fast-forward to today, three years later, and I find that he's been in a relationship for 2 years now, and it looks "serious" according to a mutual friend. It bothers me because he had confessed to me that he's cheated on everyone he's been with (again, something he told me after we broke up), and that his past relationships have never really lasted more than a year. It sucks because back then, he was a terrible person, clearly, to his partners. Now, he can actually hold a committed relationship, and he can obviously be with someone for more than a year. It's clear that I was the one who made him change, because since he’s been with me he’s been this ‘great guy’. It sucks because he has now become the person that I wanted him to be for me, but for someone else. It sucks because someone else is reaping the benefits of what I've done. It sucks for me because, honestly, I've not had any offers since we broke up, people don't hit on me, don't ask me out, even when I look at them, they look away, some have actually turned away, and yet, the person who broke my heart, who hurt me, the one I actually was invested in more, is the one that's winning in the end. How is life like that? How am I supposed to have faith that life will reward me? Because it has not. I am not saying I was a saint, but my intentions were not terrible. I was good for him because all of his friends said that, yet he hurt me and is in the better position now, as I'm here wondering what the heck is wrong with me. Since then, my confidence just fell right through the floor, and I feel so undesirable, so terrible, so unworthy. How can I cope? How do I do this EP? I want nothing more than to move on and to become a bit more optimistic about things. (and therapists haven’t been helping me either)
klondikekorner klondikekorner
18-21, M
Dec 10, 2014