Another Nail In The Coffin...

My urge to phone him last night was painfulllll!!!! Like searingly overwhelmingly all consumingly painful. Saturday night is ALWAYS the worst, probably because I know he's never at work Saturday night and the thoughts of him being out with someone else stab me like knives. I know this is MY problem. He has every right to move on and while I have been much better at pushing the sadness I said, Saturday night out on the town, too much alcohol and going home to an empty bed stirs up the discord.

I did however look at his MSN profile. I allowed myself to look at his picture. I have never looked at his profile before and I was shocked to find he has added and been talking to several women throughout November December and January...All the time we were living together!!!

One girl he had called his 'little darling' and 'baby'!!! and she had responded by saying she missed him and was thinking about him!!!...Something was going on and it was another nail in the coffin of why we arnt together now. He is very charismatic, he can charm the birds from the skies...I know this. I couldn't feel anger that he had done this. It was my fault for looking. We were together for two and a half years and I know he was cheating the whole time. If this was happening to one of my friends I would tell her to 'dump him' why is it so different when it happened to me?

I badly want to move on. Ive gotten through the first month, but it's been so very very painful and HARD!!!

I wished I hadn't looked at his profile, but I guess it just confirmed further to me that he wasn't the one. My head knows this but my heart does not.

Part of me wants revenge but I know that isn't something I would do, part of me wants...well I don't know what I want apart from I want to feel better. I want to feel whole again.

Thanks for reading xxx

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4 Responses Apr 11, 2010

You lasted a month.. I"m not there yet..... to me that sounds like a milestone.

{{{{HUGGIES}}}} So sorry, sweety. You def deserve a man who treats you right....

I went through three of your stories and I realize that people go through so much to lose themselves/feel empty/worthless, and then I think about me, who feels worthless/empty/lost because there's nothing in her life, mere a bleak start. I doubt if I call that a start. Then I think I yet have to go through all this because life doesn't spare anyone. I, at times, hate life.<br />
That's right, we often say others to 'dump' for little wrongdoings of partners but it's VERY hard to actually do that and it's not about emotionality/un-practicality of a person rather that's how it is for every sane and sensible person, who's genuinely giving into the relation.

I'm sorry I know how you feel.My ex husband of 12 years wasn't the one but I think of the good times quite often and still miss him.I know in time I will completely be over him.Its been 2 years now and its gotten a lot better.