Kicked Out, Lured Back.

I got kicked out of my mothers house when I had just turned 18. I was in the middle of my senior year of highschool, but I wasn't going to graduate, so there was nothing to jeopardize by throwing me out. Except, you know. The whole firstborn daughter becoming homeless thing.

So I lived out of a car for a while. My then boyfriend and I took to the streets of white collar America. He worked, I looked for work. We eventually got the car taken away by his parents, as they were technically the owners, and we hitch hiked to a greyhound station in Sacramento, and took a bus to Reno. We motel hopped for a while before ending up at my aunts doorstep. I ended up living with my father in Nevada, and he went home.
I was no longer homeless. I was living with my father, who I hadn't talked to or seen in months, years even, so sometimes I wished I still was.
I got a job and worked my way back up, until I got my own place. I was damn proud. 18, no diploma, relationship gone to hell, and I was finally on my own with no help from anyone.
Until my job fired me.
I got a new boyfriend, an abusive one. How exciting. An ex-con and a heroin addict. I pick winners. After a month, I had realized what I had gotten myself into, and I desperately needed help. My mothers help. But she wasn't ready for me yet.
So I left for southern California. I lived with my now finace. Before he would commit, though. I was upset, and I left for Tennessee. There, I worked full time. I lived with a girl I met on the internet.
Only then, when I was truly successful, did my mom ask me to come back home.
I told her no as long as I could. Until my roommate decided to break the lease early.
My mom promised me a room to stay in, a car to drive, a family.
And so I had no choice. I went back home.

I have been back for a month. I'm almost 20 now. And she's done everything to make us look like one big happy family. But I'd rather be dead than suffer this for a moment longer. The guilt trips, the comments, the fact that my little sister is going to graduate and I was unable to. It's unbearable. The car I recieved for my 15th birthday was never put in my name. She's taking it back for herself now. I lived in the kitchen for the first 4 weeks here. Instead of the car she promised me in lieu of the car she gave me for my 15th birthday, she's buying my sister a horse first, and then seeing if she can work in a car for me.

It's too much pressure on my mind to know that I come from a disgustingly rich white family, and I'd rather be homeless again.

I feel selfish and spoiled. I'm upset over an airbed and the bus system? I'm honestly ******* upset that she likes holding these things over my head? Don't get me wrong, she has her good moments. But sometimes it's not enough to counter the amount of negativity building up inside of my chest cavity.

I feel selfish and spoiled.

But I can't wait to escape again.
snokat snokat
18-21, F
2 Responses Jun 11, 2007

ya life has hit you hard. there will always be friction with your mom and you. It's normal. I hope you find the right path to walk this time.

HELLO,I CANT WRITE TO MUCH IN INGLISH BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU THE ONLY PERSON RESPONSABLE FOR YOUR LIFE IS YOUUUUUUU..REMENBER THE NEGATIVE THINGS HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE.SHOW YOU HOW GROW UP IN BE GOOD, AND RESPONSABLE PERSON,NO BODY CAN LIVE YOUR LIFE OR FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL...BUT REMENBER ALL BAD DECISIONS YOU MADE STAY WITH YOU FOREVER....SEE YOU SMART LITLE GIRL