I Need To Please My First Master Dominant....

I have known all my life from an early age that I rather like the more diverse side to sex....
In my 40s now i've discovered the curiosity to the D/S relationship...it excited me as well as filled me with trepidation...
I've met and grown very close to a member here when we discovered we were attracted to each other, then came the disclosing of secret desires i had never shared with anyone nor had he...
Then the subject of BDSM came up and i showed my enthusiasm which he picked up on as un beknown to me he was also interested in this...So we talked a lot and agreed we would like to enter into this together starting here and of course when we meet ultimately leading to us being together...
Well I was commanded by my master not to touch myself or make myself come last night, and after we finished talking and he granted me leave i went to do some research into prostrate milking as i wish to try this on him to serve him and please him...I ended up watching some p0rn after getting extremely excited and before i knew what i was doing my hand went down the front of my trousers to my mound and i made myself 0rgasm thinking of him, desiring him and the feel of his hands on his slaves body who was created purely for this masters enjoyment, i'm his property to do with as he wishes....
There was no doubt that I was going to have to admit my disobedience to him after i broke my word to him and pleasured myself...
Now when it happened i actually felt disgusted and disappointed with myself at what i had done..Then came the dread of having to tell my master and incur his wrath on me. How angry is he going to be, what will be my punishment..He knows one of the worst punishments he can bestow on me is to withdraw his affection and attention to me, turning away from me, this i was dreading more than any whipping...
I sent him an email expaining how it happened, how bad i felt, and begging his forgiveness and understanding then i went to bed.
Now i didn't expect to feel all these strange emotions so quick into this new relationship we are trying, my feelings confused me....
Why did i own up, i could have kept quiet. Why did I feel so bad .. why do i feel that i want to be punished and i want to feel pain to make me feel better that i had wronged him, disappointed him..That whipping me would please him and in turn make me happy that i have pleased him...This is so surreal these feelings running around inside of me..
I didn't hear from him before i had to go out today and i felt so scared, upset, frightened even that he may say to me your not up to this and discard me like a rag...Or was this my punishment his silence towards me, this tore me apart even more than the pain of a whipping...i see on my phone he had replied to my email, i nervously logged on to read it..
I could sense his anger and disappointment toward me and this hurt to,he told me that he would decide my punishment and i would have to wait to hear it, this was hard also,he said how angry he felt and if we had already been together what may have happened how he would have punished me, although i was nervous and my stomach was in knots i felt turned on and excited also...I wanted to feel the pain of the whip i knew i deserved it and it would make me feel better knowing i had been punished...How strange, I still don't quite get the feelings yet but i will understand eventually...My master said he was excited also at the thought of punishing me, it gave him a hard on as though he wanted to explode, now this really pleased me that just him thinking of whipping me got him so excited so i still pleased him even now....
My master is a good master, he thinks things through and shows me how i must behave and perform and shows me when i have done wrong and this I thank him for..I trust his judgements and words as final and i know ultimately he loves and cares for me more than anything else and will always have my best interests at heart..
So this is my first hurdle as a submissive, i'm sure there will be many more to come, but for now i'm here to serve and please my master with my body and soul for all eternity....

Slave To Master Dominant....
deleted deleted
26-30
1 Response Jan 20, 2013

I so understand how you feel, I was disrespectful to my MASTER but we don't have a physical relationship so I have been punished by being told not to contact him for 2 days, Isn't it silly but this is so difficult, the whip would be so much easier. I would love to be in contact with you so we could support each other.