Frustrated To The Tenth!

My husband is full of empty promises with a sweet face and kind heart. It's enough to make me want to strangle him! How many "I will's" and "just wait's" do I have to listen to????? I want a separation because I no longer have faith in him or anything he says. I've given him 1000 chances with little tiny things to show me I can believe in him. Like, "check with the insurance about why the prescription was canceled while I'm out of town for my job interview." (his insulin prescription by the way) "OK, I will." A week later....nothing! I get so cotton picking frustrated that I want to punch all of his teeth out and today I smacked him in the arm while I was screaming and yelling bloody murder. The problem: neither of us has the ability to up and leave to create a real separation right now. What do I do??? Live on the street?? My ex-husband was a serious abuser. I sent him to jail. I absolutely do not believe in violence. Yet, I found myself hitting him tonight. This isn't me! But then again my ex-husband said that too. :( Am I an abuser? :*(
Sahara007 Sahara007
26-30, F
2 Responses Nov 29, 2012

My husband would lose his car if I didn't make sure it got paid every month. I was the one to suggest we up the payments while he was making extra cash and I was the one who talked him out of bringing the payments down again. We have the money. The car will be paid off in March. And no matter how many times I tell him it will be paid off in March, that I've done the math, every so often he wonders aloud when the car will be paid off. He even wanted to check online, but of course didn't know his username and password. I logged into mine, but it wouldn't show me his.
I have to be constantly on him about anything financially important to us both. I found some old opened letters from one of his credit card companies two years ago. They were requesting extra permission to change our address when we moved. He never did it. Now I know why we never get mail for that credit card.
I received another piece of mail from a health insurance company with his name on it. It said his bill was going up. I told him about it and he's never heard of it. He never even looked into it. He has waited 3+ years to get his paperwork together for the military to pay off his student loans. I finally got onto him about, and he started the ball rolling. I'm sure he won't give it another thought until it's possibly too late. He thinks things just fall into place and there is no need for planning or helping things move along.
I could go on and on and on, but I think I'll just start posting to "I married an idiot" since I can't find a group called "my husband is helpless".

Yes!!! I call my husband "Mr. Helpless" all the time. I've never seen a grown adult so helpless. How did they get like that??? My mother says it's because he never had to listen to anyone and had no responsibilities growing up. I've stopped yelling and haven't hit him again. I've just decided to live my life and when he wants to be part of it, he can step up to the plate. Basically, I ignore him most of the time.

I've been trying to live my life and let him be, but EVERY SINGLE DAY he does stupid things. Sometimes I CAN ignore it, but other times I just have to flip out a little. If he doesn't know it's bad or stupid, what is to stop him from doing it again? Why do I have to constantly remind him to do and how to do important things?!? I can't wait til we move back to the US. I'm going to start working and open my own bank account. I'll still take care of our bills with both our income, but I'm going to let him handle anything that won't affect me and try not to let it bother me so much when he fails. Counselors will say that I should PRAISE HIM when he does things right. Sorry, but this is my husband, A GROWN MAN, not another child for me to raise. I do feel so terrible that I contribute to his feeling worthless, but how am I supposed to always keep my mouth shut?!? It's stupid thing after stupid thing after stupid thing!!!!! It is so frustrating, and I hope I mentally survive the next year with him. Being indifferent to him might help his ego in some ways, but ruin it in others. If I don't yell at him or act mad when he disappoints me, it helps him, but the resentment that causes me to ignore him emotionally and sexually, doesn't help. There is no winning this unless I completely lose myself for the sake of his poor ego. What about mine? Ah, this is breaking me.... Good luck to us all.

To start with screaming bloody murder will shut anyone down. To hit another person out of anger is an issue that needs to be addressed. As you said you put your ex behind bars for abuse. How did that all begin?

I tried talking to him about my feelings of despair today. He replied with , "wait, it will be different." I started crying and he took his towel and headed off to the shower. Hours later, he makes some random comment like nothing ever happened. I just lost it. I feel so hurt. I know no one hears me when I scream but it's all I could do. After the screaming, I just cried and cried. I feel unheard, screaming or no.

lets talk about it if you wish. Perhaps I can help by finding out the nature as to why he is letting it go in one ear out the next

The million dollar question. He refuses to acknowledge that he's doing that. He says as his wife I should have blind faith in our future and his abilities to follow through, but given that he can't even do the small things, my faith is gone. It's like talking to a wall. How do I figure out why he doesn't listen to my concerns if he doesn't admit to doing it. "Just wait, I will..." is an appropriate response as far as he's concerned. It feels like it's time to give up.

well you are the only one that knows

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