My Story...

All my life I've been called fat and ugly... and since i switched schools about 4 years ago i've been also called a ***** along with being ugly. I have one friend and she is my only friend as I am her only friend. No one likes us and all they have to say is some bull **** they make up in their spare time. I walk into school with my best friend everyday just to hear the new rumors about us that people have come up with along with being called ugly ******, how we are such ******* and people saying we are trashy and whatever else they can think of. Whether it be our clothes or our hair...  I am also made fun of for cutting.. they are fading now and I usually hide them anyway and the ones that aren't on my arm are hidden.. My best friend and I have been told to go kill ourselves many times. My best friend is a firefighter and someone told her to go burn in a fire and I defended her and he told me to go kill myself and then called us slags... Then another time my best friend and I were walking and some girl said some rude things to us and I defended us and that ended up with her telling me to go kill myself.. I want to cut because it takes the pain away but I know I can't.. If someone broke my bones that would at least heal it's not forever but the things people have said to us are forever and have hurt us more then they realize and this needs to be stopped.. 

Names were the least of my problems..

My dad was the best... I love him so much, when I was younger he got into a really bad car accident. He was flown to the hospital but he passed away on the fly there... I wish I could see him just one last time... I have pictures and I love them.. but pictures can't tell me right from wrong.. they can't yell at my boyfriends that he better treat me right or anything like that... However I still hear him in my head telling me right from wrong or what I think is him telling my right from wrong. I love him more then he will ever know, he is my dad and he means the world to me I look up to him<3(: And I miss him so much.. :/

Then from when I was 6 until around 11 I was sexually abused.. I had to talk to police officers and go to court and all that fun stuff.. He was convicted and is in jail charged with numerous felonies..

This being said it was really hard and when I was 13 I started cutting and I was slowly becoming more and more suicidal... I just wanted to die :/ My best friend helped me through this as she cut as well and had suicidal thoughts... When I was going to attempt suicide she stopped me and said if I ever took my life she would take hers... so, I never did... Having her there to help was what kept me from doing anything stupid..

I got a phone call that summer and it was informing me that my best friend had passed away... Things got bad again :/ I kept it all inside and still do, I don't tell anyone because I just can't.. I feel like I have to keep it to myself.. She had been very sick and was put in the hospital.. The doctors gave her something that was suppose to help. She went to sleep that night and her last words were "It's ok mommy, everything will be fine i'll see you tomorrow... I love you" She gave her mom a hug and kiss and went to sleep. She woke up brain dead and was surviving on life support.. They took her off and she passed away.

I went to her wake and when I walked in I saw the back of her head.. her auburn hair... I walked over to see her and there she was, her hands on her stomach and in a beautiful dress... Pale and cold.. she looked peaceful and relaxed but there was one thing wrong... Her stomach was still she wasn't breathing... There was my best friend laying in front of me lifeless.. at that moment I broke down in tears... her boyfriend was there and when I looked like I was going to faint he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight for what felt like forever... He didn't let go and I didn't want him to.. I couldn't stop crying and looking at her just laying there hoping she would jump up and be like "I'm just messin with ya!" but she didn't. I hugged him tightly and just cried for an hour straight just like that. I went up to her and talked to her and wished her the best of luck wherever she is now.

It has never been the same..

R.I.P. Daddy and Amber<3 I love and miss you both so much... I will see you again someday soon<3

If it weren't for my family and the 3 friends that were there when I needed them the most.. I don't know if I would still be here... 

Thank you mom, dad, little bro, aunt, Amber(my best friend), QueenYoloBiiitches(my best and only friend now..), and Blueberrymuffin123(my sister) 
AngryLittlePrincess AngryLittlePrincess
18-21, F
2 Responses Jan 18, 2013

Incredible. You have lived through so much drama and heartache in your young life. I am actually lost for words to say. Most people's hardships pale in comparison to what you have been through. May you find your way and have infinite happiness in the near future that lasts a lifetime.

All the best, young lady!

It wasn't easy... Thank you(: it's the support I get from the ones that really care that keep me going(:

Very understandable. The support of loved ones is invaluable.

Hhhmmm............WoW, I'm so sad to ride your story......
I'm glad to know u.....
U r amazing Girl.., Nice to know u....
I Love U....Forever...............