I'm A Chain Smoker

I never smoked in my life until my husband of 13 years kicked me out of the house. I started just puffing on Lucky Strikes every now and then. I ended up moving up to live with my mom and her husband, both chain smokers. I puffed more often just to be sociable and hang out with them. I stupidly married another man on the rebound and he insisted on smoking Newports, which I had to pay for. I puffed on them and when he noticed I didn't inhale he said I was missing out. He taught me to inhale and I got a wonderful buzz. He refused to work and my financial stress was huge. My mom was crying everyday that she was afraid to lose the house and I felt like my whole world was crashing down. I was also in college and stressed by exams. I smoked a lot at first to get the buzz which was the only thing that relaxed me. Soon I was up to a pack a day. I ended up divorcing again and after a few years things got very abusive at home so I ended up homeless. A kind man took me in. He smokes. He has a smoking fetish and loved to watch me smoke. For two years now he has bought me cigarettes, partly with my contribution to our living expenses. Taxes have gotten higher and higher. We buy on the reservation so a pack costs me about 3.50. I smoked more and more to deal with various stresses and because I just enjoy it. My fiance only smokes when he drives or when he is having sex, maybe 10 cigarettes a day at most. I am up to over 40 cigarettes a day. When I run out I raid his cigars. He told me they don't really have nicotine in them and are not addictive and I beleived him. He is a brilliant scientist and showed me the chemical make up of cigarettes on line and told me of the propaganda involving the dangers of nicotine. But I am definitely addicted and my cough has become horrible. I cough so much and then get really dizzy and my breathing is bad. I am more tired and can't get all the housework done or even manage a walk around the block. I told him tonight that they may not have nicotine but they have something bad in them and what I have is an addiction, not a habit. The other day I prayed to stop and I crushed an entire pack to bits and threw it away. I didn't smoke all day and then I smoked a pack that night and two the next day. Today I smoked a pack. I am working on the next pack. It is embarrassing. I hate myself for lack of self-control. I looked up quitting smoking on line and came across info and testimonies from people who developed lung cancer, and people whose whole families died of lung cancer. This is scary. I want a long life. I am in love with my fiance and we want to marry in December and then work on having a baby. I read that nicotine is very bad for the baby. It gets into breast milk and is very harmful, poisonous. So I called a hotline and they are sending me two weeks free of the nicotine patch, 21 mg. After that if I still have cravings I can buy the patch from the drug store. The hotline is available for coaching too. they gave me a good idea. Keep a bottle of water or diet soda with a straw. Everytime I want to put something to my mouth, take a sip from the straw. I really beleive this will help me break the habit aspect and the patch will help me break the addiction. I had to come to the conclusion that  cigarette smoking is killing me and that I can't fight it by will power alone. Receptors in the brain cause the craving. They die out little by little when you quit or cut down. I don't know why cigarettes do not affect my fiance this way, but he is addicted to alcohol. He knows what an addiction is and is supportive of me quitting as I am supportive of him stopping drinking. I was addicted to alcohol and worked the 12 steps of aa and prayed and then suddenly I couldn't swallow a sip without vomiting. It was a miracle. I have not been drunk or drank more than one beer in a year, thank God. Now I am trying to overcome cigarette addiction with God's help and I feel he lead me to this helpline. I'm going to try the sipping from a straw and then just lighting an insense and watching it burn with my coffee instead of having a cigarette. I can watch an insence burn after a meal too, and after or during sex. wish me luck and please pray for me and if you have any helpful advice please leave it and I will take it into consideration. Good luck to all the other smokers trying to quit. I will pray for you as I pray for myself. I calculated that if I quit I will save over 2,500 dollars a year and can buy a used car. Yay!!!Thanks for reading!:) Peace and blessings!:):)
TolstoiFan TolstoiFan
41-45, F
4 Responses Nov 2, 2011

YOLO! Only kiddin. Im a heavy smoker and i really hate it.... Im a bit young but i learnt tht when you do something you better not regret it. I dont like that i smoke but i want to smoke. Simple truth. If you want to quit join a gym or get your self busy, if you are that despate to quit then quit cold tukey with no patches. Basically lock your self in your room for a week with a bottle of water and avoid everyone till the withdrawl symptoms are gone. One last tip, keep chewing gum 24/7. Its an old post so i hope you managed to quit.

When I quit I used the nicotine patches but before I quit I cut down using a pack tracker. What that is is a small chart that you can create yourself. One column is for the time. Another column is for the mood or how badly you wanted a cigarette when you smoked and the third column is the number smoked.<br />
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I tracked for one week and then started extending how long I had between cigarettes. In one week I reduced my consumption from 30+ a day to nineteen simply because I realized that I only actually craved a cigarette 19 times a day. The rest of them I just smoked as a habit.<br />
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So yes, smoking is a definate addiction but a big part of it is also the habit. The part where we create a craving when it's not really there. As far as the patches go, they aren't designed to completely remove the craving. They're designed to take the edge off of the cravings and give a person a chance to learn how to deal with those cravings.<br />
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So for me it took a little research and a lot of preparation but by the time I put out my last cigarette, I no longer feared quitting.<br />
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I wish you success!

Thank you. I just got an e-cigarette and it is helping me cut down. You get just a tiny bit of Nicotine and all the nice little habitual things stay with you. I know, not the right idea, but I'm not ready to function without a cigarette in my hand. Thanks for wishing me success. Peace and blessings!!!:)

Yes! Cutting down is good too. I forgot to mention that. That would be for the physical part of the addiction, of course. I once used the patch and it worked really good for me, but I made a conscious decision to start smoking again after I had stopped for a few weeks. Sick!<br />
Did you know that they add chemicals to the tobacco today that make it much harder to kick the habit (physical) today than it was years ago. It was always hard, but today it's much harder!<br />
It's almost as strong as heroin, but as long as we know all this and make up our minds....<br />
we can do it.<br />
Keep in touch about your progress, and I will mine. <br />
Thanks for the Birthday wish. That was sweet of you.

With God's help we can do this!!! I will pray for us!!! Let me know how it goes with you , too. Have a great night.:):):)

I once read a book called You Can Stop.<br />
It gave a lot of good advice for quitting smoking.<br />
Things like---If you have a cigarette in the morning in the kitchen with your coffee, start having a cup of tea instead and go sit in the living room instead of kitchen. It helps to break of the habit. Very much of the addiction really is habit as well as physical addiction. For instance, do you feel like you have to light up before making a phone call, or when you get in the car to go somewhere. Light up right away, out of habit.<br />
If you keep your cigarettes in your purse, keep them at an unusual place where you have to think twice before reaching for them out of habit. Things like that really help a lot.<br />
Also, if you set a date to quite smoking and "get ready" to quit....that even helps.<br />
I plan on quitting again tomorrow. I'm puffing right now...How sick is that!!! :( Tuesday is my Birthday, and I plan on being smoke free again when I wake up November 8th.<br />
You can do it! I can do it! We all can do it!! Great about you buying a car. <br />
Whenever I go visit my daughter in Seattle, I quit for the week and hardly think about cigarettes at all, but the min. I come home and walk in this house, I think I have to smoke. It's weird, but true.<br />
Anyway, Good Luck.

When I'm in the hospital for a few weeks I don't smoke and don't even miss it. I really am beginning to think it is more of a habit than an addiction. I wore the patch for three days and the urge to smoke did not leave me. I bought a cup with a straw and use that to fulfill the oral fixation. I sip on diet soda instead of draw on a cigarette. I also bought some gum. I am going to write a plan to cut down and set a cut down date, as you mentioned. I'll record my progress in a journal. For me it is the expense that is the problem. Patrick says one pack a day is affordable but more than that is too much. Happy Birthday to you! Thanks for the good ideas. I'll use them in my cut down plan!!peace and blessings!!:)