Because Of You Cigs The Clock Is Winding Down On Me And So Is The Moon Stars And The Sun...


Here I am called moonstarsandsun, I am 51 years old and I live in Fort worth, Texas. Please allow me this message from me to you. 

I have posted this message in another forum not realizing that this one existed. 

I have every thing I need to quick smoking. I have the wonderful Dr's here in Fort Worth, Tx. .John Peter Smith. I have attended three quit smoking sessions for the past two years.

 I have COPD, Back pain, MAC, (non Aids) Depression, high anxiety, cough.  

Oh yeah, my chest hurts when I cough and my back pops when cough to.  

The SSI? well, I'm on my last appeal for benefits; but with the combination of the Chantix and the budeprion sr the drs are certain on my chances of success except now they are not so sure because of my unwillingness to give up the smokes.

It's not that I am unwilling, I'm on 15  different kinds of medicines. The depression seems to have a tight grip on me and smoking makes me feel really good. Well, it used to. 
I have a wonderful and loving friend who gets my medicines for me. But even this friend nor my children will buy the smokes for me. But a close friend does... and this person does it because this person can't seem to say no to me. I don't take advantage of that. I like to think that I don't. 
This person has a strong bond with me and a past. Oh,  why can't I get them my self you might ask? I can't walk across the street to the store because I tire extremely easily. What used to be a 4 minute walk now becomes 20 - 25 minutes to get there and back. Yes, I have to walk that slow. It feels as though I have worked a double shift from a sheet metal industry environment.


Now, the reason I'm writing is because I have planned my quitting date again for  tomorrow ( May 17, 2011 12:00 AM. My head is filled with how the withdraws have already affected me as my attempt has failed twice in the past 30 days. I need to quit, really I do and I know this.
Do I have the desire to quit? not at first no. Now that I find my self at the brink of needing oxygen the time clock for my life has begun to tick a little faster, I might be a little bit more serious than I was before.

I've been smoking now for 32 years. 10 years ago I rented a VHS tape for smokers who want to quit. In the Video,  Larry Hagman  was talking to me and showing me pictures of the lungs of a non smoker a certain age and then the lungs of a smoker same age. It scared me enough to quit for about 9 months. One thing he said in that video, words I have never forgotten,  that was so very true and that's …

"You're only one cigarette away from a pack a day" 

I can't seem to find that video any more. I wonder if I watched it again if it would have the same effect that it did 10 years ago. I wish my drs could show my my lungs and compare them with x-rays I've had many years ago. If you know a place where I could watch videos on line to fill my mind with the seeds that will grow into strong thought patterns why this time, I can't go back to them. ( The Cigs)  I would appreciate it.

 I’ve shared my thoughts and feeling for you now. I guess I need more help than I thought.  



moonstarsandsun moonstarsandsun
51-55, M
May 16, 2012