I Feel For Letting Something So Ridiculous Control My Life!

I'm 28. Started when I was 16. Quit once for 3 months. Went out drink with my boyfriend, and smoked. Have been trying to quit ever since! Last time I did it cold Turkey with a pack of smoke in my pocket! I just got so mad at myself for letting something control me and my life, and causing me to put myself and kids at risk for horrible things. I am trying to quit again, This time with the help of Wellbrutrin SR. It is also used to help ppl with depression so it is a mufti-purpose drug for me. My quit day is today. :( I already messed up and smoked two cigarettes today.  It sucks bc I know that since I smoked today it sets the tone for the whole day! That was this morning! I know I should have never smoked the first one!!!! This is one of the worst feeling I have experienced! I feel like I am not me without a cigarette and how to be me without smoking. It like messes up the way I think! I know that sounds crazy! It don't make since! This time that I have decided to quit for many reasons, The first one that got me thinking about this stupid addiction is my father. He was in the hospital for 22 days after a major heart attack! 9 of which he was on a ventilator and medical induced coma which my sister and I had to decided to approve. He is out of the hospital now and it has been about 3 weeks now. ( He is still not smoking.)!!! WTG DADDY! He is still not his self and may never fully recover. After seeing him like that I decided I would quit also, in support for him and because I don't want my children to see what I seen my dad go though. I hate how something as disgusting  as a cigarette has controlled my life and the life's of those around me. My Aunt is in the hospital right now because she can't breath! Guess what, she would not be as bad as she is if she didn't smoke! She too has suffered a heart attack due to smoking!
jeanine0125 jeanine0125
26-30, F
May 22, 2012