Wish I Was Sronger

I started smoking at 11. I'm now 38. I vow to be a nonsmoker by the time I hit the big 40. I'm the baby in my family.

My dad passed away with lung cancer. He never smoked. My brother quit 5 yrs ago but was diagnosed with COPD shortly afterward. My mom just quit over religious reasons and she has to sleep with an oxygen tank. My sis never did smoke. Now me. I've quit more times than I can count. I have 2 kids and have successfully quit during both pregnancies only to fall back into the smoking groove. The guilt trips from them are constant and justified. My husband smokes and could care less when I'm trying to quit.

I've made my mind up to do it (again). Before its too late for me. I think cold turkey and meditation this time. I'm just so damn angry at myself for letting this control me. I've had my bouts with drugs and alcohol and was able to quit all of that, cold turkey. I hate how strong of an addiction this is. And I hate how weak I am. :(
Mellowme Mellowme
36-40, F
1 Response Sep 9, 2012

<p>I wish you all the strength that you can do this. The fact that you have quit succefully during your pregnancies means you can do this again. For me I have been quit for just over 4 years now, and I still get the desire to smoke. But when I think of the 10 dollar price tag, and hardly anybody smoking in public the way it was even 5 years ago, its a huge deterrant. It gets easier with time. within 8 months of not smoking from my relapse, my dad got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and he never smoked. This really pushed me not to smoke and to distract me from it because I wasn't preoccupied with it.I feel like if I continued on that track I would get a heart attack or a stroke the path i was taking because I just couldn't stop myself.

Wow, thanks for sharing that about yourself. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to conquer. You are 100% right on about the price and the stigma that comes with smoking in public. I even feel that way when I smoke in my car and someone notices. On one hand I feel so defeated when I go back, but on the other I pat myself on the back for trying yet again. I won't stop attempting to quit. Thanks for the support, it means a lot :)