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I Got Touched, Am I Molested Even If I Wanted It?

Same thing happened to me but, he wasn't a family, he was my cousins HUSBAND.
and and I knew what was haw happening,  I LET him do it to me, I WANTED it. and so does he..
he was double my age, he was 30. and I didn't know what I was doing, I just knew i wanted it, and he gave it to me.

So while him, my cousin, and my baby nephew slept over at our house a few months ago that's when it happened. It was in the dark morning while everyone was asleep, and him and his wife slept on the floor while I slept on the couch next to them.I woke up with his hand reaching up to me, so we hold hands for a while. and I found this alright because we would always do this since last summer. We had to hide it though... and I didn't mind.
I like the attention he gave me. He made me feel SPECIAL maybe that's why I went along with it. Maybe I was still confuse that's why. but I didn't care what the outcome would be, what others would think like his wife/my cousin or any family members because we both know we wont be telling anybody.

(now to finish the background info and continue)

so we hold hands for a while, then I guess I was the one who led him on. I took his hand and I led it to my pants and he would do his thing. And i didn't care... I liked it. I ENJOYED it. I didn't really mind it. even if it there was pain there was also pleasure. I liked it so much.
Then a few minutes later he stopped and we hold hands again.... until everyone started waking up. so we stopped.
But then when everybody was WIDE AWAKE and my cousin/his wife was making breakfast for us we did it again. good thing there was a blanket though so while my sister was looking for shows to watch in the morning his hands was down in my pants. And i let him. I led him there. and I like it. so so much.
Then around the afternoon they stayed another night, and his wife/my cousin had to go somewhere so my sister joined her. And It was only me, him, my nephew who was sleeping, and my brother. When they left we were all watching TV and he was lying down on the floor and I layed next to him with a blanket covering us.

So as usual we hold hands, but this time I didn't led him to my pants I led him to my breast and he was massaging it and maybe when it gets to dry or so he made me suck on his fingers then he would massage my breast again. This continued for a while [ my brother was already gone] and it ended when my nephew/his son started crying.
It happened again the next morning around 6 or 7ish when they were still sleeping. We hold hands then he massaged my breast until he went to my pants. While he down there I guess he came farther and there was a kind of small pain and when that happened I would grasp his wrist and just pinch it when I'm hurting.

Buut then he let go and he whispered where was my phone and I was confused at first but I gave it to him still, he typed something and gave it to me and it said "are you a virgin?" and scared and confuse I typed back "yes" cause I thought he would know.
Then he typed back again "how old are you?" I answered him and gave the phone back then he said "how did you became sexually active?"
I was so surprised I was thinking whaat? I didn't give him a straight answer but i still answered him.
Then he typed back again "Did you like it? Did it hurt physically? Did you enjoy it?" When I read it I was smiled because he cared of what was happening to me. I answered Yes to all of them.
He then asked back "why me? dont you have other boys in your school?" I said I didn't know, Then I asked him "why me?" Which he said back"  its because you re the first girl that gave me attention, and I gave attention back since I got married [which was 2 years ago]" Then he asked me again "why me?" which I answered "maybe its because I want to be an adult, and its going to be hard for that to happen."
He then typed back "thats 3 more years from now on, see you when you're 18 "
Surprisingly I answered him "you're gonna wait? "
which he said back  "I will be here, don't be effing boys in your school okey? your mine now."
I got happy when he said that like super duper, then i answered him "since when was I yours?"
then he said " never, keep our dirty lil secret okey? pinky promise?" to which we pinky promised after that.
Then his wife/my cousin woke up and our convo by texting ended.

That was the same week I last saw him, sad to say I'll still see him again, when he comes back from his job at the ship that takes 3 and half months, which is now counting back to at least 5 weeks.
Oh how time goes by so fast. I don't know how to face him, maybe by just  acting like nothing ever happened which we've been doing the whole time.

This is actually the first time i wrote all of it down.
I let go if it. At first I was confuse then I started forgetting about him by focusing my attention to another guy, but I had to end it fast, I don't want to use him.
It feels good letting it all go.
And I don't even know if I did got molested, maybe I did, My best friend says so because how he touched me even If I let him, Its still sexual contact oh wells, It all happened
And sad to say, I want it to happen again, even If I'll feel guilty as f*c* I want it, Maybe because of the experience? Probably.
What I just know is that I like what he does, I want him, and maybe just maybe he wants me back.
And I'm trying not to think of my cousin/his wife like how shes going react because we don't really have that good relationship. She doesn't like me, and I kinda dont like her back for other reasons...

Well thank you for reading my confusing story, i tried my best for all of you to understand it.
And I would like to get comments about it. bad or good I don't care. I want to know your opinions.
Please, Please, I need it.
I don't know whats right or wrong anymore............please..............


pauladyan pauladyan 16-17, F 5 Responses Apr 11, 2011

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Woah... I kinda know how you feel. Same thing happened to me, but except with a guy from school. We were just friends,(We still are) and I knew it was wrong, but it felt so good so I let him. It was our little dirty secret. We used to take turns touching each other. Then people found out, which ruined it. And I still want him. For about 2 weeks, (after everyone found out) he was ignoring me, but now we talk to each other, and we still play around with each other;) But not as much as we used to :/ But it's better than nothing ;D

Talk to a counselor, even if you don't think you want to. Be patient and you will slowly come to understand what is going on in your life. Bless you.

I think you are a very brave person to come out with your story. The guy is the one in the wrong not you. He knew better and shoulda stopped u instantly. I became sexually curious when I was 6 years old and was molested by my older brother. Being molested is no joke and its a heavy weight on your shoulders. I'm trying to make peace out of what happened to me. You should seek a counselor because talking to a professional feels better than u could ever imagine. Stay strong girl <3

i think you will be fine just wait till you are 18 so neither of you get in trouble then you can be his and feel wanted

well i don't blame you..im 21 years old and my step dads brother had been molesting me...and that's because i want to...because im a virgin and i never had love experience..hes 45 and he made me feel amazing and special...hes married with4 kids..and lives far away from them...he lives on his own and he said he needs love.....its strange...for me..its uncomfortable keeping a secret like that...specially when its like family....