Molested For Two Years.

Hey ya'll, sharing my story this is something i really have no one to talk to about because my close friend doesn't understand and my mom doesn't listen. My mom has been on and off with guys for as long as i can remember. My dad has never been apart of my life him and my mom got divorced before i was born he never wanted anything to do with me.

Mom had met a guy a couple years ago. I knew i didnt like him from the start the way he looked and talked to me. After a year of them dating we moved in. It all started that first summer. I remember it i was wearin my favorite jeans and hoodie it was cool out that day and we went on the four-wheeler. He asked if i wanted to drive like always; everytime we went he sat on the back and kept his hand on my waist. This time was diffrent. I was 15 at the time and he started rubbing my thighs as i was driving i didnt know what was going on but i was scared and started going faster.

He rubbed my vagina next outside my jeans then copped feels. I was crying i didnt know what to do so i dried my tears got off and said my thumb hurt from pushin the button in and he could drive. We were far from home and it had only been a few min's he was driving when he pulled over and said wanna drive i replied no he asked if he made me uncomfortable back there and i said yes. He said i promise ill never do it again and asked to keep it a secret. Me being afraid cause he had anger issues i said okay and i drove home with no problems.

We got home and my mom came out i wanted to cry and tell her it all when she asked how the ride was i just said it was good and went in my room and cried. I didnt want to go on any rides ever agin but mom kept saying go on it will be fun i didnt want her to find out so i would go this kept on happening on the four-wheeler but just rubbin my thighs and boobs when id turn corners.

When winter rolled around and we didnt ride anymore thats when the comments started. Like oh you look good in that shirt or those jeans make ur butt look good id tell my mom about the comments and she said something to him one day. He had came up to me one night and said lets keep our comments secret cause i think ur mom gets jealous. So i did.

I ended up telling my gma almost a year ago about everything and we told my mom. We had no money she had no job because he didnt want her to work cause he made a lot. I suffer from a heart conditon called SVT my mom wanted me to get the surgery before we left his house. I went through with surgery and it didnt work depressed from that plus what was happening me for the past two years i was a mess. He ended up breaking up with my mom himself and helped us get a house and furnish it my mom got a job and to this day he doesnt no my mom knows about what he did. He thinks only me and him know.

I suffer from depression and nightmares flash backs i cant do it and mom doesnt want me to go to the police in order for me to get counceling because it would start up drama and alot more struggles or him coming after me. Im just afraid of it happening to someone else. idk what to do anymore this is my daily struggle i cant seem to get through.
cclove17 cclove17
18-21
5 Responses Dec 15, 2012

Try talking with a minister. You're also welcome to talk with me. I went through some of the same, so I can understand how you feel. You are an excellent candidate for PTSD. The nightmares are a symptom.

If you wish to talk......I would be very open and willing to spend some time talking to you about this. I have a daughter who was sexually abused by a friend, and it took a lot of time and effort and work to get her past it. I am on these sites to be a help and a friend to those who are hurting......i will leave the next move to you....add me if you wish or message me and we will go from there....I pray you find the peace you seek

Hey you know what? If you're afraid to tell, don't tell. You're really not obligated to do what your mother SHOULD have done immediately. You need to get into some kind of therapy ASAP because there are lots of ways you can learn to live with these bad memories without letting them ruin your life. I was molested by my father for two years when I was a 6-8 and I never told anyone. I let those memories guide me through life and it left me bitter and hopeless. Last year I finally decided I couldn't live like that anymore and it was either get help or die. My mother killed herself when I was in my twenties and it hurt me so bad... I don't want to do that to MY girls. So I started therapy and got some meds that are helping. I haven't gotten past it yet but I feel like I'm moving in the right direction now. I don't feel the shame I felt for years and years because I kind of liked the attention my father gave me. I didn't care for the sexual stuff but he made me feel special because he spent so much more time with me. As an adult I thought I had to be the sickest individual out there for being sad when he finally got bored with me and took off. I never told because he told me it was our secret and I felt like it made me special.If you get some professional help after a while you may be ready to report him. It really IS the right thing to do but I understand your fear and your desire not to cause trouble. You take care of YOU first and don't let anyone guilt you into reporting something that will more than likely be dismissed by the authorities. If you need anyone to talk to you're more than welcome to add me.Cyn

If you can't go the police, find a good friend and talk it over, and over. Every time you talk about it, you'll find that it gets a little bit easier to bear. Sharing is very important. If your friend is true, they won't care how many times you have to talk about it.

Ik but my closest friend doesnt understand she's not good at giving any kind of advice i've tried talking to family it doesnt seem to help. I just feel so lost with all of this its almost been a year now that i havent seen him and that i told my mom and i feel like i dont know who i am anymore as a person. I feel like ive lost myself in this mess.

I don't even know what to say. I am so sorry my heart goes out to you.