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Was I Molested?

I'm 21. I'm a male, I identify myself as a homosexual, and have always been very atractive, but not comfortable in my own skin, unless I'm participating in sexual activity.

I decided to self reflect.

  I'm socially awkward, and have been since kindergarden. I flirt with people unintentionally.

I found out that I flirt with people, inorder to test them. If they flirt back, my body goes into fight or flight and I'm left anxious and scared that something bad is going to happen. If they don't flirt back or know that I'm flirting, then they are my new best friend and I feel safe and comfortable around them.  I immidiately let down my guard, and feel free.

I have always been uncomfortable around family members, esp. And even more so with older men. Now that I'm diagnosed with add (bc of constant thoughts), my meds make me uncomfortable around children...like I can't trust myself for some reason of bad thoughts.

I'm the nicest person, you haven't met yet, and always felt inferior to anyone I meet. I can't shake these thoughts and have always had bad dreams of an older person in my family molesting me.

But I don't know.

I'm not sure that I have been molested or not. I just know that I'm incredibly uncomfortable around a mature setting. I don't trust older men, women or now myself. I wouldn't hurt a fly though.

Does anybody out there have any suggestions??

 

 

Does my story and my actions reflect a case of molestation?

 

 

freeme11 freeme11 18-21, M 2 Responses Jan 27, 2010

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I see that your posting is two years old. I know 99% of what's going on inside. I ran across your story and it was weird how I felt the same things and still do. I took me a lot longer to realize a lot of what you already have.

This is totally normal for you to feel this way. Understand that you must seek counseling, continue to confront those feelings and decide not to allow them to intrude into your life anymore. I suffer from PTSD and what I was taught to do was challenge my belief by looking for counter examples. Enough counter examples and you will find that it was an isolated experience. Then, you can begin to pick apart at the experience until you realize that you are safe in trusting your own judgment.