Molested By Brother

For years I blocked out the memory and was a drug addict wondering why.  Now as adult when I got in to some trouble, my brother made every effort to see me burned at the stake...He himself a drug addict went through rehab...didnt offer me the same grace..instead he proscuted leaving me as a felon,....by my own errors and mistakes.  Whats so funny is he was the biggest drug dealer and for years moved drugfs via airplanes and county trucks from the fire dept.  He started most of my friends trying cocain for the first time.  He held no real jobs or ones that lasted until nesarly 50.  When my parents paid for him to go throgh driving school.  He became a pot grower a rafter a guy living on the american river in a tent running from the FBI.  It wasnt until i sought therpy I realized my brother had molested as a child for years, even putting me in sleeping bag zip and tir shut and tickle me till it hurt and I was sick.  I have never said I went the wrong way in adult life but it wasw the way my brother had lead me...introducing me into drugs and having lots and lots to use ...He then went to rehab after he had burned many bridges and stole other s money for his habit.  He also set a bomb at Kodak because they stole his idea and the guard was not intentionally killed...he stunk off too rehab to hide from FBI then lived in tent with no address for three years...the FBI came to my Mom and neighbors...and funny she doesnt recal this fact.  He kept using and growing and smoking as he only used rehab to hide.  Anyhow he finally got job, went to Iraq and now is in Africa.  He is a super person who claims he had no past of crimnal activity or that a person died tdo to the bomb at aKodak.  I realized in therpy all the years I suffered abuse at his hands.  Now he is making me feel like Im wrong for him pointing my mistakes but wont fess up to molesting me during childhood.  This is causing great stress and divide with my Mother, as I want someone to acknowledge the fact and pain I suffered from his abuse.  He is now further victimizing me by his denial of the past his constant words that Im lying and stirring stuff up between him and Mom...well you think anyone may say...I sorry you were abused...This has been a thorn in my side I ignored for years withg drugs..I cant stand that he has turned this around making my Mom listen to him go on and on how Im so much drama and lie.  He is breaking up the bond with my Mom and I and I now know the molesters tactic is always the same control over there victim.  He has controlled and abused me as recent as yesturday...turning Mom into agreeing with him, or just move on...its so easy for them to say..cause they dont deal with the shame and haaunting memories..plus Im the felon and hes nothing>>hes great sucessful and mature..he takes anything I write him like I didnt want him to spend 8000 on  necklace as I know his last wife used up a lot of money and he now thinks I callled him POOR he twist and exaggerates everything to protect the bottom line....he abused me and doesnt want anyone to know...so he must continue to put me down and say he cant trust me...He is a bull ******* and my parents have known this for years.  He lied all the time,,,he now is again the victim, when he went out of his way to not help me but hurt me again.  No support though he had it in rehab,,he gave me jail. took everything i had threw it away and took my kids and family...and left me in srtreet to get help? No one that is sick finds this helpful or humane.  He continued then to contact everyone went to my churh my new partner my probabtion...he kept pushing to keep me in trouble,,,,not worried about getting the sik person well..I found the strengh and path only through the light and grace of God.  While on the way to court. I sat with a girl I never met.  SHe asked me to pray with her on bus, she asked God to give us a sign and be with us in court. After praying we looked out the bus and the sky parted and made a clear tunnel with a bright light at end the light got brighter and brighter till we could no longer look and then we said to eachother.,...in amazement "what did you see?" "the light at the end of the tunnel" beautiful pink beams stremed down from the sky and our sign from God...welll was amazing  22 girls went to court 2 girls got released...the two girls me and her who clearly saw Gods light and the end of the tunnel.  I gave my word and promise to try and follow Gods word and work and being a better person.  I was then released from jail to face all new situations...no home, no family, no money, nothing ...and no program that had room for me.  I went to a girls house I met in jail to stay not knowing she was a hooker and a drug addict.  I stayed just days now worried Id be busted and locked up again even though I wasnt using or partaking .  God put people in my life that helped me get by, gave me enough bread, to eat, and the hope to want to go on.  Now clean for a month I go on ride with friend to No Ca.  I get my way into a concert, and meet a guy.  I would conversate with him throughout my jail stay and then go to visit when I leave jail.  I loved the town and decided I want to stay and make a new life as I couldnt keep hiding back in Whittier as the cops were after me as my brother kept harrassing the system.  My brother then tried to violate me with courts as I left county on probation.  I convinced my lawyer to fight for my release from the pits of hell...I could go back to LA and have nothing but drug addicts to help me...so I stayed and tried to get through .  I went into counsel and then discovered how Id blocked the years of abuse from my own brother. Recalling how we almost got caught by Andy Anderson, and I recall thinking we may get in trouble but at least my parents will learn how and what my brother was doing to me.  But he didnt tell them....its amazing how the older generation never disscussed things...like sex money or problems that may be mental illlness.  Like my Great grandfather jumping from a va hospital window killing himself leaving 6 kids....do you not think this is a history of family mental illness??? And my grandmother having a brakdown, in her twentys ...but if you ask my Mom shell say ther is no history of mental illness, cause they think its shameful or bad...so when I asked her if she believed if my brother molested me and abused me stated a simple yes..and thas it...also theneighbors exchange student abused me,,.,.and she said she knew that.  So I guess yur supposed not talk about it and then my brother can continue on to abuse and victimize me...I have to decide what now I can do to save my self.  Cause there is no support from My Mom...she continues to let my brother complain and put me down, deny the facts of the what he did and never mention it.  Leave him alone/...He will not have the power over me anymore I am chosing to be a victor not a victium....I am finding support groups like RAINN that help people that have suffered at the hands of others they know and may even be related to.  They give us a voice, a means to say how hurt and sad this made us how many years we used drugs to numb our pain and shame.  SO WHY TODAY AS I WRITE THIS AND MY MOM JUST GOT HOME...SHE IS HURT THAT I CANT GET ALONG WITH MY BROTHER SHE IS HURT AND CONTINUES TO TAKE HIS CALLS AND AGREE WITH EVERY WORD HE SAYS...HE IS SO RIGHT AND IM SO WRONG IM DRAMA ..AND WHY DO I FEEL BAD CAUSE NO ONE HAS GIVEN ME THE PROPER SUPPORT OR WORDS THAT JUST ACKNOWLEDGE I WAS USED AND ABUSED BY THIS MAN AND HES DONE NOTHING BUT TRY AND RUIN ME.

cmddelaney cmddelaney
46-50, F
1 Response Mar 13, 2010

but wont fess up to molesting me during mistakes but wont fess up to molesting me during

childhood. This is causing great stress and divide childhood. This is causing great stress and divide

with my Mother, as I want someone to acknowledge with my Mother, as I want someone to acknowledge

the fact and pain I suffered from his abuse. He is the fact and pain I suffered from his abuse. He is

now further victimizing me by his denial of the past now further victimizing me by his denial of the past

his constant words that Im lying and stirring stuff his constant words that Im lying and stirring stuff

up between him and Mom...well you think anyone up between him and Mom...well you think anyone

may say...I sorry you were abused...This has been a may say...I sorry you were abused...This has been a

thorn in my side I ignored for years withg drugs..I thorn in my side I ignored for years withg drugs..I

cant stand that he has turned this around making cant stand that he has turned this around making

my Mom listen to him go on and on how Im so much my Mom listen to him go on and on how Im so much

drama and lie. He is breaking up the bond with my drama and lie. He is breaking up the bond with my

Mom and I and I now know the molesters tactic is Mom and I and I now know the molesters tactic is

always the same control over there victim.".

As I read your words above I thought I had written. They want control. No more. No more. He can try to lie but I do know the truth.