Slowly Losing All Control

I want and need to recover from Bulimia Nervosa. I know I can, but once I slip up I let myself go. I have been this way struggling with this horrible disorder since the end of my freshman year in Highschool. I have this need for the perfect body, and I strive for what is impossible. I appear in normal condition in public, but I have hidden my secret from the start. I am filling the empty void of recently losing my mother to cancer, my ex boyfriend who stopped talking to me. I am tall and strong, but this dibilitating disease/ disorder is taking over my life. It is controlling my happiness. I need support to overcome my 5 year struggle. I need a way to get better and realize that I am truly beautiful. I want so much in my life and if I continue this way I will never be completly happy.

mwao1921 mwao1921
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 12, 2009

I have the worst mood swings because of the bulemia and other things in my life. Other than that, i know that no one i know has ever suspected me of having it. I knows its supposed to make you feel like you are in control, but it makes me feel out of control. I know exactly what you mean about seeming normal but the problem starting to get out of hand. it is for me too. Hiding it hasnt been that hard. sometimes i consider telling someone but i quickly dismiss it.

i understand what you mean when you say you appear normal in can be easy to hide but it does affect your mood dealing with the same problem, good luck and i hope we can both get over this.