Slowly Losing All Control

I want and need to recover from Bulimia Nervosa. I know I can, but once I slip up I let myself go. I have been this way struggling with this horrible disorder since the end of my freshman year in Highschool. I have this need for the perfect body, and I strive for what is impossible. I appear in normal condition in public, but I have hidden my secret from the start. I am filling the empty void of recently losing my mother to cancer, my ex boyfriend who stopped talking to me. I am tall and strong, but this dibilitating disease/ disorder is taking over my life. It is controlling my happiness. I need support to overcome my 5 year struggle. I need a way to get better and realize that I am truly beautiful. I want so much in my life and if I continue this way I will never be completly happy.

mwao1921 mwao1921
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 12, 2009

I have the worst mood swings because of the bulemia and other things in my life. Other than that, i know that no one i know has ever suspected me of having it. I knows its supposed to make you feel like you are in control, but it makes me feel out of control. I know exactly what you mean about seeming normal but the problem starting to get out of hand. it is for me too. Hiding it hasnt been that hard. sometimes i consider telling someone but i quickly dismiss it.

i understand what you mean when you say you appear normal in public..it can be easy to hide but it does affect your mood extremely..im dealing with the same problem, good luck and i hope we can both get over this.