Somewhere She Is Out There

“Somewhere she is out there,
wondering, looking, searching,
as I am.
Somewhere she is out there,
questioning, doubting, giving up hope,
as I am.
Somewhere she is out there,
wondering if I still exist as I shout
I do, I do.
Somewhere she is out there,
hearing my cries, smiling, and continuing onward,
As I am.”

I jotted those lines down on paper my senior year in college. I can still remember where I was when I wrote that poem. It was a Friday night and instead of being on a date, I was in my room, feeling very alone and having the time to dwell on it. It had been nearly a year since my last relationship and being the typical impatient 22-year-old, I was wondering if I would ever find that one person who would fit me like a puzzle piece. Being the musician and poet that I was, I reached for pen and paper, as I often did in periods of raw emotion, and transcribed the lines above. I felt I had captured the moment at hand in that poem and I immediately called a songwriting partner of mine to share my latest creation.

That verse proved to be a sketch of a passing moment, rather than a lasting creation. I graduated a few months later and that poem became just another piece of paper that got discarded in packing up my belongings to return home. I moved to a big city and started a career in advertising media, hung out with the guys and met many wonderful women. In my late 20’s I got married and had a beautiful daughter two years later. I had a successful career, a family, a steady stream of bills to pay and the ability to pretty much satisfy the material needs and desires of my family. From the outside, it looked like my life was a complete success.

And then one day, fifteen years later, out of the blue, that poem came back to me while enduring a long commute to work. It was as if my mind was a jukebox of memories and someone had just selected G7, an old poem called “Somewhere She is Out There”. With the amount of dust that had been collected over all these years due to neglect, it is amazing that selection even played at all. But it did, and like a good song, I found it had just as much meaning for me that day as it did the day I wrote it. I realized then and there that I was just as alone as I had been in my one-bedroom apartment fifteen years ago. Yes, I was married, but like millions of people everywhere, just because you’re with people every day, doesn’t mean you aren’t alone. It is a sobering moment when a man realizes that he is forlorn.

I didn’t make any dramatic decision or take any sudden action that day. I didn’t start hanging out at the local club trying to pick up women. I didn’t post a personal ad on the Internet or start flirting with everyone at work. I simply came to a realization that there was a void in my life--a recognition that the love that I so desired to experience was still beyond the horizon. It is a principle of science that nature abhors a vacuum, and similarly, it is a principle that the human heart abhors a void as well. The heart will always draw love to it eventually. Although I may not have consciously or actively taken any initiative that day, the recognition of how I felt started a course of events that would carry me on a journey in which I have met many interesting people just like myself. Like me, they have an unquenchable desire to find the elusive human connection for which they yearn. The quest to find love never dies. It is inherent in all of us: man and woman, rich and poor, black and white, and yes, single and married.

Say the word “affair” and one thinks of an array of stereotypes such as the business executive who hooks up with his secretary after work, the wife and mother who runs into an old flame one day and reunites with him for a weekend, the man in a midlife crisis who pursues a younger woman in order to return to his youth or the salesperson who occasionally bites from the forbidden apple at the hotel just to get through the boredom and loneliness of being on the road. These are definitely some of the common stereotypes associated with affairs, and indeed these acts of temporary refuge are found every day. These types of flashpoint affairs are not indicative of the many extramarital relationships that have been forged by thousands of married men and women, however. The fact is there are many beautiful stories out there. There are many sad and tragic ones as well. Take the marital status away from the couple involved and they read like a Harlequin romance novel.

It is for this reason that I toil with using the word “affair” throughout this book. My desire is to treat them as the examples of love and fortitude that they truly exemplify. Most are anything but relationships of convenience, but are lofty endeavors that require a great amount of planning, nurturing and understanding, yet they produce vibrant examples of effortless love. Extramarital relationships are fed by a near-limitless supply of emails and texts back and forth between the giddy couple because shared moments of physicality are usually scarce. For the two of them, every minute between them is treasured, every bout of laughter enjoyed, every kiss savored, every touch relished. This idea that love is never taken for granted is depicted in a recent email I sent someone:

Rachael:

Should I meet a lovely lady, and the two of us decide to catch a wave together and ride it, at least for a while, I will look at any time we spend as a great gift. Should I only be able to experience her flirtatious smile and laughter on a rare infrequent basis, how could I possibly be disappointed? In these demanding economic times of the "new normal", smiles and laughter are cleansing for one's heart and health and they are precious gifts. Should I be able to hungrily experience her sensual kiss only on a rare and infrequent basis, how could I possibly be disappointed? If I were able to hold her in my arms only on a rare and infrequent basis, how could I be disappointed? When one is on his deathbed, it is hugs that they wish they had more of in their lifetime, not money. If I were to experience but one full sensual kiss from her, it would be a 100% increase in how many I experienced in 2011. If I were able to see her unveiled wondrous body that the gods bestowed upon her only on a rare and infrequent basis, how could I be disappointed? I would know, while admiring her naked beauty, that there would be a million other guys who would want to stand in my shoes, and how often does one get the opportunity to be a one in a million? If I were able to fully experience her only in a single mind-blowing sexual stratospheric manner, how could I be disappointed? There are so many lonely people in the world who dream of experiencing that but once in their life. In other words, I know that trying to be with a married woman is tough and very complicated. I will never require a set amount of days per month, hours per week, or moments in a day. I will only ask her to give me her best when we are together as I will offer her my best.

Critics of this book will argue that married people involving themselves in extramarital relationships are selfishly putting their families at great risk of being hurt, and that is true. The fact is, though, that in matters of the heart, things can and do get messy. Who out there hasn’t had their heart ripped open by someone? Who out there hasn’t been in love with someone, only to see them run to the arms of someone else? The quest to find love involves drama, which is why it is the subject matter of so many books and movies.

Others will demand to know why someone who wishes to find love outside of his or her marriage doesn’t do the spouse due justice and terminate the relationship prior to being involved with someone else. Again, life is complicated, and the reasons for not doing so are countless. For many, it is the desire to hold the family unit together to some degree for the children. For others, it is financial, especially today, when couples find their wealth locked up in real estate investments that have little chance of being liquidated. Many others, especially women, are lacking in confidence and self-esteem after enduring years of verbal abuse or neglect. Others are simply torn and unsure what to do, not having the ability to talk about their internal conflict with friends or family.

Throughout this book, you will read the stories of a number of people. Although their names and other identifying factors have been changed, their stories are real and have not been altered. All of the people mentioned in this book are very special, but their stories are not unique. They are simply stories of the human heart that can be enjoyed by just about anyone. They are stories of sadness and great hope. They are stories of loneliness and jubilation. They are stories of romance, heartbreak and love. Some who read this book will even recognize these stories as their own. Whether you are single or married, you will find things in this book that will remain with you, because everyone who reads this book has one thing in common. We all desire to find love.

This experience is from a book I wrote called "The Tangled Web We Weave" by Ryan Bradley, available on Amazon
ryanbradley ryanbradley
46-50, M
Jan 7, 2013