I Am A Post-op Transsexual Woman And I Regret Having Surgeryand I want to change things for the better.
I'll try to keep this as brief as possible but I always knew grew up that I wanted to be female. I finally got started on transitioning right out of undergraduate college when I was 22. I did all the "right stuff". Hormones. Electrolysis to remove my facial hair. Voice training. Surgery on my face. I guess I'm lucky from the point of view that 9 years later I pass just fine. I went back to school later and got my master's degree and now I'm a professor at a community college. No one knows me as anything other than a female.
That said, 4 years ago I feel like I ruined my life. I had the "big surgery" that everyone thinks about. I regret it so much and I didn't even get a bad result. I don't know why I want to have a penis because I do feel like a woman and not a man. I've talked to other transwomen online. I've talked to a therapist. The therapist was nice and she did try to help me somewhat in finding a doctor who would help "fix me up" but she couldn't. She even asked WPATH (World Professional Association for Transgender Health) and they weren't much help either.
For the most part, people have told me to just get over it. I refuse to just get over it. That's why my name is "wonttakenoforananswer". I want a surgeon to do SOMETHING that is better than what I have now. I refuse to believe there is NOTHING that can be done. And as a disclaimer it's not about sex or fetishes or anything like that. Of course my sex life is a small part of that but it's more of a body image thing like I'm missing part of my foot or whatever. It's just "not me" to have a vagina instead of a penis. I don't feel whole.
So far in my research (as I've scoured the internet) there are basically three options:
1. Get a surgery like a female to male transsexual gets. It's not perfect but again I feel that it would at least be better than what I have now (nothing). I've contacted some of the more well known surgeons about this and they've either said no or just not responded. This is also not functionally perfect.
2. Getting a lab grown penis. This would obviously be perfect and it seems like we're getting close to being able to do it (google "Anthony Atala" and "penis" and you'll see it's been done with rabbits). I've even talked to his secretary and they're real nice about it but it's just not available yet. I don't want to just keep waiting and waiting and waiting for something that may never happen. If it does, great.
3. Get a penis transplant. I know they've been starting to do hand and face (non-essential organs) transplants in the past 5-10 years. Also a penis transplant was done in China about 5 years ago and about 12 years ago a doctor in Italy asked permission to try it. I also know it's not perfect. There are immune suppressing drugs one must take - but I'm willing to make those sacrifices because honestly right now my quality of life sucks. This depresses me way too much.
So to end this: first, does anyone else feel this way? Second, can anyone help me find a doctor who might be willing to help me? Particularly with a transplant?