My Mother Doesn't Deserve Me Anymore And I Don't Deserve The Way She Treats Me.

im 15. and when i was young i was mentally abused by both my parents. i resent my mom the most for it though because she's still like that and she blames it on the fact that she wasn't medicated then but now she is and she still does all the same ****. i always want to just get away from her because i can't take it anymore. i know i sound whiney but after 15 years it's enough already. especially lately her new thing is forgetting about be and ignoring me or making me feel like im nothing to her. Like i know its a small example but it explains in simple terms what it;s been like she was making dinner early for my sister and she finished a batch of chicken and called out Jule you can have this batch and i didn;t want it so i said so. so then she brings out another batch and says hey laura this one's yours the other one was way over seasoned. as in the one she was going to give to me. and the one that i screamed at her for is more conplicated. like i said my dad used to be abusive especially to me so he was being arrogant and abnoxious to my sister and she yelled at him. and he went to yell back but her mother stood up for her she never did that for me ever not when i was little and a five year old with a fever didnt feel good and wanted to go home and my dad dragged me out of the store by my wrist so hard it was sprained and i couldnt move it for days. when he screamed at me for something i didnt do she did nothing. i blew up at her telling her that she wouldnt do that for me that shed just join in in the yelling. her exuse well you do it all the time laura never does it infact this was her first time. bull laura oes it all the time half of the time to me! and does my ***** of a mother do anythign no. and then lately she forgets about me. another small example but its still the same. we were out to dinner and she was ordering appatizers for everyone cause of couse we can't just order our own. and she turns to my sister and i and asks us what we want. laura went first and answered then she looked away at the waiter and started ordering. i turned to my father and silently complained that she didnt ask what i wanted. he turns to her slightly mad and says he did you get julia's order! she turns to me and says oh no well what do you want i told her and ofcourse she didnt hear me so i said it again in a bit of a tone i was mad at her! i had the right to be. so she orders and hands my dad the menu he roughly put it down on the table and gave her a dirty look she had the nerve to say "don't be mad at me! I forgot!' yes in one second as long as it took for laura to tell her what she wanted she forgot about me. and if i say something she pretends she didnt hear me! so i just stopped talking to her and then she gats mad at me! im never allowed to say i hate her because im supposed to be a loving daughter but i can't pretend anymore. she's ruined my life. im a ****** up child because of her! yeah my dad was bad but she was worse and after 15 years i can't take it i need to leave but i have nowhere to go. im trapped and it scares me.
31-35, F
Jul 24, 2010