Mhmmmm. For Myself I Need This

This summer I turned 15. And yet I can't remember ever feeling alive. I've felt trapped, angry,sad, grief, rage. But the most basic feeling had never been there for me. My life had been a sob story. Dead dad. Drug addict mom. Strung out over burdened fosters. I speant my life fighting for love and attention. A feeling I also have never felt. For anyone in anyway. Recently I moved back in with my mom, who went through rehab. She better in some ways but she's the same person. I can't stand it, respect her, live with trying to love someone I hate. I left the small spark of hope in my life because I saw it being smothered so I came here, with her. But my hope is still dying. My soul. Forgive me for being corny but. My soul wants a chance to be free. And I have no way to justify or explain it. But running is the perfect way, for me, to jump start, ME. To be free. For once feel free. I can't stay trapped in my own living hell.  I won't.
INeedThisForMyself INeedThisForMyself
13-15
2 Responses Jul 28, 2010

It's hard to deal with parents like that. My bio-dad choose beer over me and my sisters. My mother well her second husband has been a pain in the *** ever scene I met him. I think their are people all arrowed you reach out to them and my be it will help. Remember reaching out to others don't expect them to help you but to expect them to be their to listen. I will listen to you if you need. Your only 15 and at 15 every thing seems like the would is ending.

I know that dealing with all the crap that the world wants to throw down at us is a huge burden. Believe me, I've been through it all, and i'm only one year older. But from one runaway to you, it's hard. After I ran away, i lived on the streets for 3 weeks. You learn that no matter how bad it is at home, it's only worse when you're out in a world that doesn't want anything to do with you. And it DOES GET BETTER. Every day, at the end of the day, think of everthing that was good about the day. Try and remember what caused those good things to happen. And then try and repeat them the next day, while looking for a new way for you to be happy that day. It gets easier, even if it seems like it isn't. You can do it, the way that your life has been does not have to define who you are.