I know that if I ever ran or checked out in another way, people would be shocked. I don't give any indication of how close to the edge I am. I know how to fake it so well. People think I am always up and happy and friendly. Sometimes I wish they could tell, so I could have help working through this, but they don't. My kids and grandkids are the only things I really keep going for. If I didn't have them, I think I would have given up a long time ago. I just keep telling myself, all things must pass, and this will too. I'm just getting too tired to make the effort much anymore.