Should I Be Happy Or Sad!!

Right now I want to use the 'Obliviate spell' (that Hermine used in a Harry potter movie) on my parents, and on everyone who loves me. I want everyone to forget me. I don't want my parents to suffer because of my mistakes. May be I am selfish... (Read on then you will understand)

I am not those kind of people who are brilliant in Maths and brilliant in everything. I am average and always was. But I consider myself lucky that I, at an early age I found what I love. I love computers and am a computer programmer. I say that proudly, because, no one around me actually understand what I am doing and they don't want to. But what ever I have accomplished with programming is my OWN, with some luck off course. I want to become someone great with whatever I have, I know I can. But, how tough it is right now to move!!

Computer and programming is one part of my life. Its like an invisible island, where I can always go. No one can take that away from me.
On the other side, I am jobless and I want to do Masters in Science, but, also I don't want my fathers money for that, (If I ask my father for money, he will give me the money, I know, but I also know how money he has and I don't want him to touch his savings)

I plan to go away from house, and make my own living. And I can always get some software freelance jobs if I try hard enough. In that way, my parents money remains with them and I will not have the guilt for wasting the money, if I fail to get a good job after my Masters degree.

I know one day I will leave everything and everyone and become a Buddhist monk. Sitting under a tree, I will learn more about mathematics (parts I missed when I was in school and college) and computer science and the world that made me. I will be happy that way, if only my parents can accept this.
arjob arjob
22-25, M
1 Response Aug 20, 2011

Wow! I feel the exact same way about myself. Sometimes I want to have a new life so I can go on my own to start a new life. But I know my parents would worry sick about me. So I don't. Computer programming is a really good skill not average at all. I could use that right now myself but I can't. I wish the best with your journey and hope you become successful. <br />