Wish I Was Someone Else...

I feel like running away. From life (not a suicidal way). I'm not the person who I wish I'd be and I never will be. I'm incapable of love. I'm only scarred of being alone... I hate myself for that and for being fake. I hate myself for not being the person from my imagination. But on the other hand I'd be even more fake trying to be someone who is my complete opposite... I wish I was someone else but me. Someone with usual feelings and thoughts. Someone normal.
XqueenbX XqueenbX
4 Responses Dec 20, 2012

Well, I'm a little late, but I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. I can't bring myself to care for anything or anyone either. Apparently, it's called "sociopathic behaviour"...

That's okay and thank you for replying anyways and giving me the clue. I'll check this term, I only thought about depression or maniacal depression in my case to be honest...

Hey, I'm a fourteen y/o girl who's running away to Virginia. I saw your comment on experience project. I live in Michigan and my buses stop in Pittsburgh and DC, so if you want to meet up with me, I'd love to have someone to come along with me. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon! :)

Hey, I'm sorry for late reply, I didn't get the notice about it or just didn't notice it. Either way, I hope that if you started your trip that it goes or went well! Unfortunatelly I wouldn't have been able to tag along, because I live in Europe, not in US... :(

I feel the same way

Hi, look sometimes i feel that way and i just want to be someone else (ex. a model) because i look at all my flaws instead of looking at the positive things i have, just the fact that you are alive is a blessing, there are a million people in the world suffering hunger, violence, sickness, and other things. Remeber that you are your own critic and NO ONE can make you feel bad only if you allow it. You are BEAUTIFUL just by being a human being and ill give you a tip; When you wake up go to the mirror and say "I AM BEUTIFUL, INTELIGENT, and i will be a better person than yesterday!"
good luck, lots of love, Jenny :)

Thank you for the reply, but I don't think you understood me. I rather think that I'm trully a bad person with lots of bad thoughts... I just don't say them and say other stuff instead just to be polite or not to hurt anyone. I think it's because if I say what I trully think, I'll be left alone and I'm scarred of that. I'm selfish. My behaviour is sickening me. My thoughts as well. The same with the fact that I wish I had a better character (more carring, loving, cheerful) but trying to change would be against my nature. If I behaved as myself then I'd show how selfish I am, how rude, how I don't care about anything or anyone. I don't know how to explain my thoughts better...

But really, thank you for answering, I didn't expect anyone to write anything actually. You seem to be a very good person, unlike me :)