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I Don'T Want To Give Up Yet

The only thought on my mind besides my soulmate, is to kill myself.I truly believe that I'm supposed to die.She is all that matters to me and we promised each other we would marry each other in the future.We have been together for over 3 years.Her parents don't accept us being together.In the past, they forced us to break up so then we secretly got back together.We live 40 miles away so its not like we get to see each other often but I love her with all my heart and soul.In October, we found out that her family will be moving to another state this year.I was devastated when I found out and still am.Since summer, we have shared thoughts of wanting to run away together to live lives together and wished so much that we can shapeshift into animals to escape and be together.A month ago, we packed up and took a chance.I paid a taxi to drive me to her house at night while her parents were at a party.We left and started to run away.When I reached her house that was the greatest feeling of success that I have ever felt.It was one of the best feelings in the world when she gave me my first hug. The moment I got in the taxi towards her house I felt freedom from all of this.I have reason why I'm greatly depressed but my main reason was loneliness.Once me and her started walking away from her house, I was soo happy beyond belief, there I was with my soulmate about to embark on a grand adventure traveling the world or living in the wilderness.We were carrying our luggage and made it about 6miles in 2-3hours then she put her phone back together to see if her parents knew we were gone, they did and she called to say we were okay.Her mom told me to bring her back home and I thought her mom sounded sad and it made me feel bad.I put my phone back together to let my parents know I was ok also and I foud out that my gf's parents had gone to my house looking for her and called the cops and lied to them saying i kidnapped her.They were threatening so many things.I decided to take her home.We were next to a bank and a power plant.My gf's aunt or cousin came to pick her up.In my mind, I was planning to wait until my gf was droven home then to jump the fence to the power plant and use the power plant to commit suicide because I knew that we would be able to be together or even hear from each other after that.When my gf's cousin came to pick her up, she said she was there to pick us both up and take us to her house.Once we were at her cousins house, my gf's parents came there to take us home.Once again something unexpected happened.Her parents didn't do anything to me but they drove me home with my gf in their car also.I didn't know what awaited me or what would happen but I didn't want to live anymore if I lose her.We were on the freeway and I was eyeing out the window, in my mind I planned to jump out of the car when we were on the freeway.I didn't, when we got to my house I said goodbye to my gf and she hugged me and it felt so comforting, I kissed her cheek and that was my first and only kiss ever beside when me and her had a mutual lucid dream last night where we kissed repeatedly in it.In my heart, I felt that the event of that day were suspicious then over the next few days I suppose that they only pretended that they would let us be together because they are age-ist and think just cuz im 2 years older that they assume stuff.They only didn't break us up cuz they assumed she was probably pregnant from that night even though we didnt do anything.Then a few days later, the were taking all her ways of communication away except her phone because she needs that.My number isn't blocked though.We didn't even get to spend valentines together.Nothing has changed at all, we still don't even get to visit each other.I haven't shared every detail of why we ran and why we were depressed because I do not want my memory to seem ever more depressing and dark for you.Over the past few day we decided that nothing will ever change for our parents and not only will we run cuz we cant meet but we are doing this because this is how we want our lives, adventure and to travel the world.We have been looking for other runaways who would like to group up and runaway together, the best strategy is to live in the wilderness together as a community.We would plant and build and make food and needed supplies.We would bring any money we can and all resources that would be useful.I know there are runaways out there like us who have no other choice but to runaway and I know there is safety in numbers.If you ask why my title says I don't want to give up yet, it is because I'm starting to feel depressed and suicidal like thing purposely go bad, I do try to look at the light in situations but it all leads to the point where I feel like everyone would be better off without me.Her parents would have what they wanted anyways if i died.I just don't want to die because I love her and don't want to lose her.She is my reason for living, I know I wouldn't be alive today if I had never met her.She is my soulmate and I won't live to lose her.Shes gunna move this year and after not being able to visit or meet her often I can't make it thru that.One turning point that made me go through with running away was about a week before we ran away that we asked to meet and our parents said ok then at the last second her parents told her we can't and for no reason, then her mom told her she can go out and go anywhere with any guy from her school without even knowing their parents but just cant go anywhere with me.I know for a fact that parents that say **** like that are bad influence, parents like that are the reason there are so many girls out there that break hearts and cheat, its because their parents try to make them like that.Me and my soulmate were both really pissed that her parents can say something like that and im sure that was a main trigger point of us running.Loneliness is quickly making me suicidal and my soulmate is the reason i'm alive and I don't want to die because I love her so much, I want to run with her because I don't want to lose her.Again, there are more reasons for us wanting to run away, including starting a new life together and exploring the world.
SamTraveler16 SamTraveler16 16-17, M 6 Responses Feb 20, 2013

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If you're serious about these types of things, you can't have any other thoughts. It requires a lot of practice, study, dedication, and strength. Wilderness survival is eactly that...survival. The weak don't make it. You can't go out there being lethargic or depressed, it DOES NOT work. I wanted the same thing, but I waited until I was prepared, and it's gone much smoother.

doesnt matter anymore the gurl broke my heart then left me after using me

Then you weren't soul mates. You'll find the right one in time. Her loss.

nxt life time

I'm not gunna kill myself because soulmates always find each other and hat would me if I killed myself, its possible she would too, I'll at least wait tilll we are old enough that no one can stop us, if she still wants me then i guess happy endings can exists, but if she was talked/forced into moving on, I'll come back to considering since she'd not need me to be there for her anymore(I'd always be there for her no matter what but I'd not be strong enough to be there alive if that happened, only in spirit or ghost).

Life has no happy endings, I am allowed to die if i want, I have failed, we had EVERYTHING ready, tent,sleeping bags, ect, but a passerby highway patrol saw us and took us home, the worst part is that we were a few miles away from the first camping site we were going to, if only we had walked a little faster we would have made it

Do not kill yourself. I've been in that dark place too, but you will find that life gets better and is worth living. And you're lucky (and she is) that you're love is strong. I'm happy that you two have each other.

thanks, i really know we can do this together

Your lucky I've never loved someone that much

Thank you, we have always been there for each other no matter what and id die for her and do anything she wants.

Talk to Chuchi boo any more?

havent heard frokm her today but her group wants to use greyhound busses and live in a city so im looking for a wilderness group because i know you can get caught on busses and cities and taken back home

Don't give her parents the satisfaction and Andy's a ****

Thanks and I really don't know what to do.I don't have enough money for another ride over there to her and even if i did idk where to go either, there are mountains near but over 10 miles away from her house and not really anywhere to hide since its desert region over there.I know wilderness is way safer because cities will always have that one person who would turn in runaways.I miss her so much too, I want to leave to her soon.

I wanna die

Hay I turned down boo too for the same reason! I want to go to the north woods in Canada true wilderness. Whare are you going?

still dead inside

ok

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