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The Sparrow Or the Cloud- Just Let Me Be Free!

There was a song that was sung by a popular group, the Monkees called "Run Way from Life.”  The lyrics to this song basically went something like:

Let's run away from life together.

Let me run away from life with you.

Let's run away from life together.

Leave behind the stormy weather

Let's find out what fantasy can do.

Where we'll go to they can't touch us.

Life is perfect nothing more to do.

Nothing more than we'll be needing'

Life is paradise in Eden.

Eating' grapes and making' love with you

 

Rest unchanging, no more fights

We won't ever even disagree.

Let's go off into the heavens.

In eternal happiness for free

 

Nothing's wrong, no strings attached.

No reason to get crazy, never blue

Nothing' from your noisy neighbor,

Nothing’s new, no trial, no labor

Cross the river Jordan, hallelujah

 

Rest unchanging, no more fights

We won't ever even disagree.

Let's go off into the heavens.

In eternal happiness for free

 

A friend of mine hit the nail on the head so close that it is scary.  He invited me to run away with him.  More and more these days I think about running away. I would run away to a place where no one knew my name, my face, or anything about me whatsoever so the runaway with a friend theory may not work for me.

I took a hard look around this evening, and what I saw was sad deep in my heart.  The houses are nice, the cars are beautiful, the living is more than comfortable - but it doesn't bring any happiness to me; none of the material things being me happiness.  There is a lingering emptiness, an unexplainable kind of longing for something more out of my life. I remember when I had better days, the dreams that led me to my life’s path. How did I come to such a mundane existence? This is not what I bargained for.  When did I trade my dreams for this?  Hell no I didn’t bargain for this. The magic is gone and the joy of sharing and loving is now overshadowed by problems and the cares of life.  When did I start feeling so boxed in?  I am not even sure that I remember when this happened to me.  I, too often, have had these moments when I want to hop on a plane and take off to some quiet, unknown place and get away from everything.  I want to hop that plane or whatever object gets me the hell out of this place right now in this moment and never be heard from again.  No one would miss me anyway. I would have left this place a long time ago had it not been for my friend. What is scary is that tonight I realized that no matter who I have in my life, I am always alone.

I read a poem once by William Wordsworth called, “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud” and I think it described me perfectly.  See the cloud is lonely because it is in the sky all by itself, and it wanders aimlessly searching for someone like itself but there is no one out there like the cloud because he is unique.  The cloud finds beauty in every day objects such as “golden daffodils” with their petals shimmering like halos on angels.  Although the cloud sees the beauty in others he fails to see the beauty in his own existence.  I identify so closely with this poem because constantly people tell me that I am a good person, and that I am beautiful.  I could not care less about being physically beautiful and the beauty that I am searching for cannot be seen with the eye, it has to be seen with my heart.  Sometimes this is why I think I want to run away, or maybe it is to run to something or someone. I don't know but I do know that something is missing.

 

fungirlmmm fungirlmmm 41-45, F 32 Responses Dec 16, 2008

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this really fit to me now and im glad i found this post you made. and im glad too we have below our friend's nice comments that help us know what are the things so we can still move on happily...thanks a lot and happy new year!

Experiences will make you happy, go and have many.

Damn... That was deep.

I love vacations.

Guess I don't remember the song. I shall have to research it. I suppose I know about the running away and not even knowing why feeling. It's like you aren't really unhappy but yet you are. Almost like you know that you used to laugh a lot in the past but now things don't seem to allow you to be that carefree anymore. Vacations are perfect times to just get away and when you come back you actually find out that what you have isn't that horrible. So take a break and learn how to laugh again. It will keep you young and more positive so you can change the things you need with a clearer perspective. It is a chemical brain thing with the laughter. Watch more funny things and add more sillyness in your day. It will help with those running away thoughts.

agree....you make my thoughts put into coolness,calmness.you have a wonderful comment...thanks..

My friend and I both decided to stay and fight it through... We both found happiness although his happiness was not to be permanent. we are still very close and love one another as much, if not more, than when I posted this. We both still have days where we want to run but we help each other through it. I still have missing pieces in my life but I know now that those pieces do not make me incomplete but rather they are mere chips in the porcelain and the make me more special.

You inspire me! I have never read anything that has touched me the way your words have in this very moment. I know your post is from a few years ago but I just came across it and I can't help but wonder where you are now. If you ever ran away, stayed, found happiness. I am thinking about running away. Running to a place where I can find myself, find the faith I once had in the world, find something to make me believe in it all again. Where ever life has taken you by now I hope all is well. That your life is everything you hoped for and imagined!

I feel the same...... ;(

Thanks for your comments. I would love to talk more.

I don't know who you are, but I often feel the same way, so often that I think about it everyday. Sometimes I wonder why I am even in college. I know its the smartest thing for me to do, but why would I try to succeed in something I never initially decided? I just feel like I am living for someone else's satisfaction. This is a very touching entry. I just wish there were easier solutions to my answers. Sometimes I just want to run away, and find what I am looking for.

I ran away when I was 14 got a job a flat and everything. The police found me and took me home. I want to run away, but, how would my children cope with that rejection ? You sound like a nice girl, all you need is love and it will find you and cure your loneliness. Take care and Merry Christmas

Probably not heel.

I have run away, 3 times so far. I keep coming back though. I suppose that means I've never done it properly?

I am not sure where I will go but I do know that just had an awesome evening with my best friend and I feel a lot better than I did yesterday. I know he fights for me when I am weary and that is important to me.

If I were you, I'd go with the man. That sounds like a dream come true for me....

Somedays I feel like that cloud also, but I look around and manage to find the sunshine. That sunshine is you FG. Whether it's in a story or a comment... you always shine thru the clouds somehow. You make me happy when sky's are gray........ so please don't take that sunshine away!

I know exactly what you mean

"what I saw was sad deep in my heart"<br />
<br />
Oh, fungirlmmm, you brought tears to my eyes.<br />
<br />
I don't know if you are suffering existential despair or just seasonal affective disorder or some external problem in your life but you've got me all choked up.<br />
<br />
On the 21st build a big bonfire and dance around it naked. That will ensure that the sun will start to come back and all will be well. (Hey, it worked for the Druids, didn't it?)<br />
<br />
Hugs.

True LB

Where ever you go there you are.....the only thing that changes is location

Thanks y'all!

Wow, it's been a while since something you wrote moved me so. I feel for you Fun, I am at times in the same place. You know my story and I know yours and you will have a hard time taking action on your feelings because of current situation you are in. If things get better and you start to feel better, take the bull by the horns, jump on him and go for a ride. He will jump out of the box and take you where you want to go.

Don't do that, then all of us on E.P. will miss you and can't live without you

((fungirl blushes and now stutters as she is trying to type))

((fungirl blushes)) thank you very much!

:-)

run to my house we can cuddle and watch a movie

TY sweetie!

I am not sure what I am looking for but I know I thought I found it once and I still chase after that feeling. I can't find it. The closest I come is sleep.

Maybe we are all just looking for that youthful charm. There is a wonderful feeling that comes from having so many things be so new.