It's Almost That Time!!

 my grades plummeted recently. D's and F's. and i'm an A student. I just..didn't care. Ithe boy i love doesn't love me back anymore. [i didn't expect him to stick around anyways. none of them do.] and i don't really have any real friends. just the people who i can sit comfortably in a room with, listening to iPods.

but i don't belong anywhere at school. or home. what's home? my parents are split up. my oldest sister is 13. she can take care of my other siblings now. she's old enough. but one house is the empty shell that used to be the home we lived in. the other is the cold house my dad lives in. both i must call home. court orders.

what's there to do? i'm a smart kid. i'm not saying i"m smart enough to run away.

im stupid enough to. some time's you need to do things that no one is supposed to. some time's you need a rush. to get away form it all. not drugs, unlike a couple of my friends.

i need money. just $100. who knows how long i'll be gone. i need money for bus fares. museum tickets...but i don't want to spend a lot while i'm gone. 

i may never come back. maybe i'll find somewhere to live. maybe somehow i'll meet that one guy who loves me. 

i knew i had to runaway from the twisting feeling in the pit of my stomach. the dryness in my throat the sour taste in my mouth. my jittery feet. telling me you must go! you have to go! it's an unnerving feeling, and i'm unhappy in an unpleasant  place. 

my brain is saying, this isn't right! i shouldn't be here! but i dont know where to go. 

it'll be dangerous. it's not recommended. i know people don't want me to do it. and a bit of me doesn't want to either. but my mind is almost made up. one of these nights, i'll pack up my things, pocket my money, straighten my room, and slip out without a word.

i have a memory box i will leave outside the boy i love's window. besides that, i will leave no trace.

and if i don't will be another post written by a confused teenage girl.

i've only told two people. one, would come with me, but i know that if i do go, they're not coming with me.

the other thinks that when i say, "leave" i mean "die". and that made me think if that's what i meant after all.

SireGslover SireGslover
18-21, F
3 Responses Feb 28, 2010

i m running next year with full preparation.

I wanted to runaway when I was a teen also. But I had nowhere to go and no money so I have to stay, unfortunatley. You should look for support from your friends. Maybe one of them can hide you for a short while. Don't try and do it alone. I'm sure you can find some friends to pull their money together for the $100.

I Know exactly how you feel...i have no real friends outside of school...i used to but...its seems like ever since ive moved to the city i have no friends and nobdy wants to be around been wanting to leave for some time now and...theres simple nothin here for me ya from philadelphia 17 years old dream is to live freely and have peace with everyone around me...