Big Black Bag

Dear Fairy,

Last night I kinda again dreamt about him.. related.. not recalled if he was in.. probably not... but something like he left a big black bag.. if psychoanalysis stuff works.. i guess this big black bag=baggage.. and in the dream some voice told me not keep that bag he left.. but knowing i am the kind of person who seldom throw out stuff.. and like an internal struggle and i opened the bag and it was empty, except with two broken pieces of souvenirs or something..

in the end i don't remember what's next.. did i take it to the dumper?

But what a dream to kinda express and interpret my feelings these days.

I am still sick.. headache and coughing now.. but i really want to let go.. coz i know whether or not this moment I am with him or not.. i probably feel the same.. he never takes care of me.. just that i am not blind to see and admit now that he never loved me. He only cared about how people view him. I was sick, very sick and on the train he just cared about being seen by his friends, and blamed me for calling his place cold. Anyways, i was too blind and reluctant to believe in what i know about the truth.

Let my fever and cough be over. So soon my heart will heal for I no longer treat that as anything related to love. It was just a terrible experience and my mistake for having believe. But don't blame myself anymore for believing in a liar. Anyone may fall for sweet hypocrite.

It's okay. I am still sick, but get my voice back. And most importantly get my mind and confidence and smile back.

That rocks.

Tos tos... sigh~~ so cold these few days.. need my water heater back~!
ludai ludai
Dec 5, 2012